To think some people on MN must have magic money trees?

[CoughLaughFart]

Am I the only thinking there are an awful lot of MNers who have no concept of others being less well off than they are? I’ve noticed a few times, but it seems to be getting really bad lately.

Two threads that spring to mind are the passport thread (where the OP’s partner is being pressured to get one so that he can volunteer for a work trip) and the holiday fall-out thread.

TBF most people on the passport thread seem to get that spending £75 on a new passport when you can’t afford to go abroad isn’t very sensible. However, there are quite a few posts along the lines of ‘Just get one, it’s not that expensive’ - even someone saying the OP’s partner should just ‘grow up’ and buy one and ‘that’s what savings are for’. Similarly, on the holiday thread a number of people are advising ‘Book the first flight out’ or ‘find different accommodation’, without a thought that holidays are generally expensive anyway and that effectively booking a second one might be beyond some people’s means.

These are specific current threads, but it seems to be a general attitude in some corners. ‘Get a cleaner’. ‘Get some nice wine and chill in the garden’ (to someone depressed because they’re skint and live in a rough area).

I’m grateful to be in a decent enough position financially, but I’d never simply assume anyone else was. Don’t people at least consider the potential for different circumstances before offering their ‘helpful’ advice?

Wasn’t being disengenuius. May have got wires crossed. Thought I was dealing with the advice to move house scenario. Thought you had been too. Perhaps we don’t need to get tangled further ?

Btw agree about circumstances. Difficult when you’ve already replied then more, pertinent, info is forthcoming which changes understanding of things drastically.

To be fair I did actually access free counselling or pay as you like BUT it was very specific and termination/pregnancy related only. I had weekly counselling with them for 6 months, and I could never be as grateful as I am to them, they were there when nobody else was and when I couldn't afford paid counselling

But yes, people don't seem to understand skint. My fridge freezer broke, I had just done a massive shop and it was full. Ended up crying because I didn't want the food to be wasted, and my immune system means I couldn't risk it
People are worse off than me, I stuck a post on FB and a lovely woman came to collect it and burst into tears when she saw what there was because she was struggling badly for money. We had a brew and a chat and she went home with a load of food

And a lot of people don't have a realistic idea of income as well
I work two jobs and take home maybe £1500 after tax. Sounds a lot but by the time you take out mortgage, council tax, car insurance, food shop etc etc etc... and that's working one full time job during the day and a part time one at night. Often work 8-4.30pm, get home at 5pm and back out to do 6pm - 10.30pm
Bank asked me about socialising costs and I laughed a lot - I can't afford to socialise let alone have any time to

@tequilasunset You didn't. Fair point.

But "Why should people who work hard to afford little luxuries be made to feel bad about themselves because someone else can't afford the same?" does rather imply that if people can't afford little luxuries, it's because they don't work hard enough.

Perhaps it's my inference rather than your implication. I infer from your posts as a whole on this thread that you think poor people are just not trying hard enough and have only themselves to blame. I believe people who share your views tend to minimise or ignore the very real, very deep structural inequalities that militate against a level economic playing field.

There was a similar one about numbers of cardies. Some posters had 35-40 of them. I'm lucky enough to be comfortably off but even if you buy your 40 cardies from the charity shop or primark at 5-10 quid a pop, that's still more than I think I've spent on cardigans my entire life!

I wouldn’t believe everything you read on here to be honest.

I think 90% of what you read on here is a load of bullshit.
From the posters who say they use a towel once and put in the wash to the those who are earning £100k in busy, fulfilling jobs but still find time to post every day on pretty much every subject.
I am not saying there aren’t any posters earning £100k but i think there are also a fair few who have an online persona that it pretty removed from their real life.

I agree with the posters who have said "skint" means different things to different people. I know someone who complains of being broke but goes to Disneyland in Florida for a week every year. If I say I'm skint, I mean there's no money in my purse, but I was still better off than the woman in front of me in the corner shop who was buying a pint of milk and putting the change from a few coins on her electric key.

Obviously everyone can talk about whatever they like, mortgages, holidays, engagement rings that cost a years wages, having an extra wing on the house for designer handbags. Good on you!

What I hate is people completely without any understanding of poverty and just how badly off some people can be. And I have seen those kind of posts on here, where people are incredulous when they finally get it.

I'm lucky. I'm a lot better off now than I was as a child. My kids have never woken up in a freezing house or wondered if there was going to be an evening meal. But there are still times when money is tight.

A friend is on MN and went to a meet up. She said she expected most to be very well off, and actually most were simply ordinary. I suspect you get a false impression on here.

Generally speaking, unless someone is being an arse, I'm against censorship.

Suggesting people think twice before posting is NOT censorship.

"Oh God, that one drives me nuts. ‘I can’t afford a car and the insurance would be astronomical’. ‘But it’s a life skill!!!’"

In every one of these threads I invite the "it's a LIFE SKILL!!!111" or "it's just so ODD!!! to not be able to drive!! ODD!!!!!!111" to provide me with the funds to do so. I'm still waiting.

What I find at odds are the property threads; they swing from 40 yr olds with no hope of getting on the property ladder to, first time buyers with 995,000£.

Latest ucas figs (2017) a RECORD 32.6% of 18 year olds gained a place at uni - that's just less than 1/3 and doesn't even mean they stayed on or took those places.

I agree KNOWING about the opportunities is one obstacle. Another MAJOR obstacle is whether someone actually has the ability to study eg computer science. Not everyone has the aptitude for it and other paths which are under subscribed - because they tend to be in the academically harder arenas.

TequilaSunset - you need to read better I didn't quote you I merely referenced the post you wrote.

I am now in a fortunate position and can aford to live comfortably and buy my children nice things, although out of habit I'm still mean to myself and buy pretty much. However, I wasn't always in this position and am aware how quickly things can change. I couldn't afford tampons, I had to ask my mum for them. I worked from 10 am through to 2am or form 2pm t0 6am on minimum wages so I completely get it. Although I am lucky right now and can afford my £70 weekly food nd household bills we do have less money now so I am now seriously cutting back on everything I spend and selling stuff.
I do very much understand how awful and desperate it is and not even to be able to afford something as basic as sanitary protection; it is truly humiliating.

Simply how can you believe everything you read on mumsnet

Secondly mumsnet is for anyone from any walk of life

Thirdly I agree with DieAnt post about making the right life choices- after all I grew up in a council estate but now I’ve worked my way up to what you would consider “high level” job and income

Also people are at different stages on this forum so a lot may not actually have children which is a major expense in life.

@Unihorn I was referring specifically to friends of ours who say it's extravagant but spend £70 a week each on cigarettes, which is a hell of a lot more than £80 a month

@CoughLaughFart no the OP didn't prioritise it, hey husband had said to the deputy head he'd like to go but didn't have a passport, that's not a no.

@fluffyears you're being deliberately obtuse, I said a £6 bottle of wine is achievable as a one off for most, not all. Also my cleaner/priorities comment directly referred to friends of ours who spend £70 a week each on cigarettes but think our cleaner is extravagant, not that£80 a month is possible for all, it wouldn't have been for me when I was living alone and on a lower salary ten years ago. The problem with mn is that people extrapolate what they want from a simple post

Oh God this winds me up! I have a situation where a friend has a business and when she needs extra help, she asks me to come in....she pays well and the money is REALLY handy so I appreciate it.

She knows we struggle but isn't in a position to offer me a regular part time job at the moment.

There's another friend who keeps nagging my business-owner mate for some shifts...she says "I'm so broke...we have nothing.." and whines on and on.

My business-owner mate began to feel guilty...she told me about the other mate begging for shifts...and then the whiney "poor" friend walked in and said "My new car's broken down and I was just on my way for a massage!"

We fucking laughed our heads off afterwards. Poor people don't have massages! Or new cars!

I ride a bike ffs.

People definitely make some very narrow assumptions about how others live here, but there’s also a constant supply of threads where money is really the only answer. If someone posts about a problem and the only conceivable solutions involve spending some money, people are going to assume that’s an option unless posters make it clear they’re just venting and not looking for advice.

I’ve never been skint enough to split a loaf of bread and a pint of milk. However, having been a student with very little money I’ve had be very careful to ensure I had enough to feed myself, walk miles instead of taking the bus etc. I’ve never experienced period poverty. Never had nothing to eat just not food I would have chosen.

Now life is very different. Nowhere near the top 1% but I really don’t object to people with serious amounts of talking about it online. It’s a forum. I don’t consider it insensitive to say they have 30 coats or go on a couple of 20k holidays every year. That’s just their reality. The same as other people’s reality is that they feel lucky if they have one coat and enough money to heat their home and put food in their family’s belly.

I don’t understand what was wrong with asking questions on the holiday thread (the one, where the friend with grown up children has ditched the op) such as “can you go home early?” A last minute flight may be really expensive or could be less than she’d spend eating and drinking in restaurants for the next 2 days. If we want to go down the route of saying that question is insensitive, then I would have thought starting a thread about being on holiday abroad and chilling around a pool, eating in restaurants and dancing in pubs is insensitive to those, who are struggling to afford to feed themselves let alone take a holiday to be even more insensitive.

I disagree with censoring topics. Some people are so blinkered that they cannot see other people’s reality. Like the merchant bankers wife and the woman with a brand new car on the way to a massage and desperate for work. That is the issue.

However, I’m so used to people not getting things. I have chronic pain, fibromyalgia and CFS / ME. I’m disabled. I had major surgery a few months ago. I know 99% of people on here don’t get it. My friends really don’t get it. I rarely go out. My friend had a little afternoon tea and I had to rest for several days to be able to go. I explained to the friend not to go to much hassle but just to get me one gluten free item. She misunderstood or something and I arrived to every item filled with gluten. I ended up removing the insides of the sandwiches and nibbling on the edge of a rocky road. People just don’t get what they can’t get.

I post this sort of stuff and I’m sure I get plenty of eye rolls. Oh well it just is.

Everyone has different incomes, savings (or none) and attitudes. Yes, some people seem oblivious to others, but in many circumstances suggesting paying for help is a useful suggestion. And it is just a suggestion.
Years ago on here someone suggested private speech therapy to me. I had never even thought of it. It changed my dds life.
So if i suggest a solution on here that involves money (and i wont if there is clear indication that money is an issue) it is because it may help. And it is only a suggestion.

Yes, but then I see so many people posting about buying clothes from extortionate places, food from M&S and then moaning about having to turn the heating on in September cos they're so tight.

DieAntword I think your post is possibly the most insightful I've ever read on MN. Spot on.

Also, I heard the Hidden Brain podcast the other day. Living in poverty has an effect on your cognitive abilities - it can equal to losing up to 15 iq points! I found that astonishing. 1. Such a big effect and 2. That it was measurable.