To think some people on MN must have magic money trees?

[CoughLaughFart]

Am I the only thinking there are an awful lot of MNers who have no concept of others being less well off than they are? I’ve noticed a few times, but it seems to be getting really bad lately.

Two threads that spring to mind are the passport thread (where the OP’s partner is being pressured to get one so that he can volunteer for a work trip) and the holiday fall-out thread.

TBF most people on the passport thread seem to get that spending £75 on a new passport when you can’t afford to go abroad isn’t very sensible. However, there are quite a few posts along the lines of ‘Just get one, it’s not that expensive’ - even someone saying the OP’s partner should just ‘grow up’ and buy one and ‘that’s what savings are for’. Similarly, on the holiday thread a number of people are advising ‘Book the first flight out’ or ‘find different accommodation’, without a thought that holidays are generally expensive anyway and that effectively booking a second one might be beyond some people’s means.

These are specific current threads, but it seems to be a general attitude in some corners. ‘Get a cleaner’. ‘Get some nice wine and chill in the garden’ (to someone depressed because they’re skint and live in a rough area).

I’m grateful to be in a decent enough position financially, but I’d never simply assume anyone else was. Don’t people at least consider the potential for different circumstances before offering their ‘helpful’ advice?

Poverty is just like anything else - if you haven't experianced it, it's almost impossible to understand.

Back in 1991 (And then for several years) I was a single mum on the grand total of 61.15 a week benifits. You made desision daily between heating, water, eating, clothing, getting a bus, gas to heat the little food you had.

Life was really tough, emotionally and physically.

Looking back, it now feels like an enormous and helpful experiance to have gone through - but some people are stuck in the cycle for life - I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

They are strong people, with outstanding resourcefulness who certainly don't need to be told to get a cleaner etc.

I think a lot of them are probably lying to be honest. Makes them feel better if they can brag about expensive holidays while still having 50k of savings, a cleaner every day and a massive 5 bedroom house.

So the £6 for a bottle of wine concept

If you're really skint then surely a bottle of wine is not a priority???

Surely food/ electric etc is a priority - why would people do that????

People also forget that it is different depending on where you live. My income is good but I am not a high earner. Where I live, I can afford to live well and save, if I lived in London, I would be struggling to pay much more than my bills and food.

Pp mentioned a meet up expecting everyone to be well off. If you went by some of my posts and assume I live somewhere else, you would expect me to appear well off but I am pretty ordinary.

Well I nearly passed out several times when reading the price of your engagement ring thread.
Don't read it if you are of a nervous disposition !

Many years ago I had an acquaintance who was extremely wealthy. Eyeing up my ratty hair she suggested I do what she did, save my family allowance (2 children) and get a really good haircut every 3 months. Briefly on benefits in summer holidays, every penny of my money was gone in 5 days, cb included. I thanked her for her suggestion. She would have found the reaIity of our weekly income impossible to understand.

Have been poor now not so see both sides

Problems in your life are “problems” for you however even if someone’s doesnt see your side

I post on here because I don’t always want to talk to people in real life - my “problems” will be first world problems to some and irrelevant to others

I read threads that interest me and if I don’t then I hide them / don’t read them. Don’t necessarily think people are lying about their life. For me it gives me an insight into what other people are going through

The ones that make me laugh are the people who insist that learning to drive is the answer to any OP's problem involving poor public transport or lifts.

Because obviously everyone has the ££ necessary to a) buy a car b) insure and maintain it and c) get lessons and pay for driving tests, even someone who is on minimum wage. It would probably be cheaper to tell the OP to get a taxi every day.

@mummyoflittledragon there is absolutely nothing wrong in my view with “can you afford to go home?” That’s a thoughtful non presumptive question. That question includes the possibility that that op might not be able to afford to do so. It’s trhreads full of posts simply saying “just go home” or “ get an early flight” which disclose what can be experienced as a lack of sensitivity or more likely just lack of thought. “Can you x?” Is a great, inclusive suggestion surely? Proper enquiry. No presumptions.

HeronLanyon
I agree. Perhaps I read it wrong. But I get the feeling other people think not.

I agree OP! Reading a recent thread a poster was buying a house, whilst currently renting and was worried about overlap of paying rent and mortgage at the same time as contracts hadn’t been exchanged, the P made it very clear she couldn’t afford to do this and needed advice about how to handle timings of moving in, one poster suggested she ‘scrimp and save’ to pay both - how on earth is that practical advice to someone?

Interesting. Hadn’t remembered reading posts with that thought said or lurking under the surface. Perfect example of us all reading and taking different things from same content which is no bad thing.

FFS you can't say anything to anyone anymore. Someone tries to offer advice to your problem and you get all offended. Grow a back bone people.

I do try to be aware of financial differences when I post on MN and caveat accordingly, but putting the bit in brackets in every single time does start to seem a bit performative.

“An au pair would be the most efficient solution (if you have the space).”

“Miele do a washing machine with the feature you’re looking for (expensive though)”

“Can the DC’s father not contribute? (if he’s not unable to due to unemployment disability or death).”

“Taxi driving would be a suitable fill in job to improve your finances (if you have a car).”

I agree that a few well-off people are offensively clueless. There’s been a bunch of examples on this thread and I remember an NCT committee of bankers’ wives many years ago utterly unable to comprehend that charging 1.50 per person on the door for entry to the sale might conceivably put anyone off because 3 quid per couple was such a trivial amount - without realising that some people looking to buy second hand baby kit were actually properly broke.

But the people who assume that anyone who says they have money on MN is a fantasist are also deluded. As per PP there’s a million people earning 70 grand plus, and maybe another half a million married to them. A lot of the women in that group are on MN. Google “nanny agency” and the list goes on for pages. Hobbs, Reiss, Jigsaw, Coast have a load of high street shops selling basic frocks for over a hundred quid. Mark Warner and Center Parcs are full in the summer holidays. People with money are not fictional, and they’re not a tiny number.

FFS you can't say anything to anyone anymore. Someone tries to offer advice to your problem and you get all offended. Grow a back bone people.

I suspect I’m wasting my time and you’re just being goady, but I don’t see how expecting people to put their brains in gear before typing equates to a lack of backbone.

@mummyoflittledragon there is absolutely nothing wrong in my view with “can you afford to go home?” That’s a thoughtful non presumptive question. That question includes the possibility that that op might not be able to afford to do so. It’s trhreads full of posts simply saying “just go home” or “ get an early flight” which disclose what can be experienced as a lack of sensitivity or more likely just lack of thought. “Can you x?” Is a great, inclusive suggestion surely? Proper enquiry. No presumptions.

Perfectly put Heron.

I am one of those family’s who earns well above 100k. However I am not an arsehole. I understand poverty having grown up with my DM counting every penny. There were no extras and it was a struggle. So I certainly don’t advise people to go and get an au pair, or move out and buy somewhere else, or can’t you just save a little etc etc. I would only add comments which involves money if it was on the private school thread or it was asked. It is usually very easy to spot when a poster isn’t in a good position financially. So for them adding advice about spending money for abc is just rubbing salt into there wounds and not helpful

Latest ucas figs (2017) a RECORD 32.6% of 18 year olds gained a place at uni - that's just less than 1/3 and doesn't even mean they stayed on or took those places.

I’ll admit I’m surprised (although what about if you include those who go to university after they are 18?). I’ll be honest I’m not sure I’ve actually met anyone whose never been to uni (not necessarily at 18 - my mum for one went when she was in her 30s, I remember sitting in on lectures a few times). So yeah, woah, I really feel like I live in a bubble if 60 odd percent of people (allowing for later entrants) even in my generation don’t actually go.

I feel extremely poor when I read the threads on here and somewhat of a failure because I can't afford to learn the life skills that is driving or make memories with my dd because I cannot afford holidays.
It can make you feel like shit sometimes.

User I bet you are making wonderful memories for your DD without doing any of those things!

The same people who blather on about retraining at the drop of a hat tend to be the same ones who would also jump to point out that being in education as an adult is a luxury, you have to be able to support yourself etx

I am not saying that there are not a wealthy people using MN, after all it covers all demographics.
However, I believe that some people simply make things up. I take everything I read on MN with a pinch of salt tbh.

One of my favourites (not!) is whenever people post about problems with neighbours, etc there are always people who say “well, if you don’t like it, move to a detached house”!
Closely related is the thread where someone asks for advice on how to allocate 2 bedrooms between various children and stepchildren of different ages and sexes......
"do you have a dining room or second reception room you can use as another bedroom?"
I'm pretty sure the OP would have considered using a random spare room they had available!

I suggested the holiday fallout OP get a bottle of wine.

She can afford a bottle of wine. Her posts have made that clear. I didn't assume anything when I made my suggestion. YABU

The - everyone can afford a £6 bottle of wine - sums up this thread. When I was long term sick I was getting £73.10 a week, plus help with council tax and rent. That was it. Yes I only had myself to feed, but I still had to pay bills and pay for public transport to the GP as I was not well enough to walk that far.