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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think some people on MN must have magic money trees?

569 replies

CoughLaughFart · 27/09/2018 20:08

Am I the only thinking there are an awful lot of MNers who have no concept of others being less well off than they are? I’ve noticed a few times, but it seems to be getting really bad lately.

Two threads that spring to mind are the passport thread (where the OP’s partner is being pressured to get one so that he can volunteer for a work trip) and the holiday fall-out thread.

TBF most people on the passport thread seem to get that spending £75 on a new passport when you can’t afford to go abroad isn’t very sensible. However, there are quite a few posts along the lines of ‘Just get one, it’s not that expensive’ - even someone saying the OP’s partner should just ‘grow up’ and buy one and ‘that’s what savings are for’. Similarly, on the holiday thread a number of people are advising ‘Book the first flight out’ or ‘find different accommodation’, without a thought that holidays are generally expensive anyway and that effectively booking a second one might be beyond some people’s means.

These are specific current threads, but it seems to be a general attitude in some corners. ‘Get a cleaner’. ‘Get some nice wine and chill in the garden’ (to someone depressed because they’re skint and live in a rough area).

I’m grateful to be in a decent enough position financially, but I’d never simply assume anyone else was. Don’t people at least consider the potential for different circumstances before offering their ‘helpful’ advice?

OP posts:
LeftRightCentre · 27/09/2018 21:30

Counselling doesn't cost minimum £45 per session if you go to a counselling centre that gives concessions for those on low incomes. There are plenty of them.

Oh, yeah, loads of them in the rural and semi-rural area that cover a lot of the UK, particularly Scotland and Wales. Hmm

DoJo · 27/09/2018 21:31

I like the ones who blithely tell posters who are trying to negotiate a problem with their parents/in-laws looking after their kids to 'Pay for childcare or put up with it' as though the option of producing an extra £x hundred a month was simpler than trying to work out how to agree on what is and isn't acceptable.

LeftRightCentre · 27/09/2018 21:31

The only people who think there is anything romantic or noble about being poor have never been poor.

This. Or 'Money isn't everything.' It is when you have none.

UnderMajorDomoMinor · 27/09/2018 21:32

OP word to the wise. Do not read the ‘how many coats do you hsve’ thread!

I thought I was dead spoilt because I have a 15 yr old waterproof (still going strong 💪), a primark mac and a puffer thing. I was wrong!!

DieAntword · 27/09/2018 21:35

I've ended a friendship, in part because the lady couldn't understand my finances. She's married to a merchant banker. I don't know what is complicated about me not having access to that kind of money, but worse, she used to talk about how money wasn't important while wondering why I couldn't go to the ballet with her, and she'd say "treat yourself".

I’d have been brazen and said “hey, if you’d like to treat me...” and then she would probably have come on mumsnet to rant about her CF friend trying to get her to pay for ballet tickets.

I can just imagine the post now:

I often invite what I thought was a good friend out, you know to do the usual sort of thing, ballet, west end shows, short jaunts to Paris for a spot of shopping, and she always turns it around and says if I really want her to go I should pay her way. At first I paid for her a few times because I knew she earned minimum wage and her husband was on a zero hours contract and only getting about two hours of work a week on average but she does it every single time. It’s reallllllllly taking the mick. The other day I invited her to a garden party in Knightsbridge and she said she would only she didn’t have anything to wear. I mean really! I think she was probably just trying to blag a free outfit off me! AIBU or is she a cheeky fucker?

Thatstheendofmytether · 27/09/2018 21:36

Or the "money doesn't make you happy", actually, I'm pretty sure it would make me happier but I'll never know.

Lilmisskittykat · 27/09/2018 21:36

*Counselling concessions for low incomes and other such similar comments about if your struggling you can get it free...
*
Am I the only one who's frustrated by this comment as most people seem to earn just enough to not qualify for the free training, sessions and other help but not enough for it not to be a struggle to pay for it 🤷‍♀️

PortiaCastis · 27/09/2018 21:37

Thing is I could say I have 25 coats from Balmain and so on but only I would know if that's true ......

AynRandTheObjectivist · 27/09/2018 21:38

Money makes me very very happy and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

I do think that there comes a wealth point where it might not make me any happier to have any more. But there is definitely a point below which I am miserable all the time.

RyderWhiteSwan · 27/09/2018 21:38

UnderMajorDomoMinor I have quite a few coats....all bought from charity shops over many years Grin

SneakyGremlins · 27/09/2018 21:39

I had a thread the other day where someone said I was lucky to be on ESA as it meant I got free dental treatment.

I'd rather be able to afford fucking food love.

SoftSheen · 27/09/2018 21:40

YAB a bit U.

A few people do have lots of disposable income and can do pretty much what they like. Others struggle to cover basic living costs and have almost no money for non-essentials.

However, most people fall somewhere in between these extremes, and have a limited amount of spare income which they choose how to spend. So the poster who manages to go on a foreign holiday every year might shop in Aldi and never go to pubs or restaurants. The poster who enjoys going to the ballet from time to time might rarely go on holiday. The poster who sometimes shops in Waitrose might cycle or walk rather than run a car. Many people can afford the odd luxury, very few people can afford to do everything.

MemoryOfSleep · 27/09/2018 21:40

Can you find a private school nearby?

UnderMajorDomoMinor · 27/09/2018 21:40

I doubt all the coat fanatics were liars though! Nothing wrong with having that many coats, just surprising so many people have so very many. Different world!

UnderMajorDomoMinor · 27/09/2018 21:42

I was just surprised as I think I’m pretty well off!

tequilasunset · 27/09/2018 21:43

Retraining for a better paid profession or studying for a degree are very good suggestions for people with no prospects. Yes, it will take time and no, it won't be easy, but it would improve their futures.

Same with driving lessons - it is a life skill and definitely worth having. My first car cost me very little and changed my life massively.

Being poor isn't your only option and it might take a lot of work and a lot of time to change, but if you don't make the effort to help yourself, why should anyone else?

DieAntword · 27/09/2018 21:44

I do think that there comes a wealth point where it might not make me any happier to have any more. But there is definitely a point below which I am miserable all the time.

Back in the early 2000s I’m sure I read an article about a study that said it was £25000. Up until that point more money made people happier. After that it didn’t make a difference. So taking inflation into account about 40k (I used a calculator and I am shocked because I don’t think incomes have inflated anything like that much in that time!)

Loonoon · 27/09/2018 21:44

Or when people have a money crisis and not enough money for food ‘can’t you find some things to sell on ebay?’

Original poster
CoughLaughFart · 27/09/2018 21:44

*Most of these suggestions are made without posters knowing the OP's full financial situation though, aren't they?

Surely MN isn't only for people earning minimum wage, or struggling financially, so why should a poster always assume the OP is skint before offering advice?

It stinks of jealousy tbh.*

This is ridiculous. Of course posters don’t know about the financial status of others - that’s the whole point. People should recognise that they don’t know and consider that before making comments. Neither I or anyone else has said people should assume other posters are skint - we’ve said they shouldn't assume they have unlimited funds.

OP posts:
thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 27/09/2018 21:46

Don’t forget the chicken that’ll easily stretch to make a weeks worth of filling dinners for a family of four incl teens.

Original poster
CoughLaughFart · 27/09/2018 21:46

Same with driving lessons - it is a life skill and definitely worth having. My first car cost me very little and changed my life massively.

Oh for fuck’s sake - point spectacularly missed.

OP posts:
LeftRightCentre · 27/09/2018 21:46

Retraining for a better paid profession or studying for a degree are very good suggestions for people with no prospects.

If you're a certain age it's entirely possible it will make no difference to your prospects.

Same with driving lessons - it is a life skill and definitely worth having. My first car cost me very little and changed my life massively.

Please explain how you find or borrow money for all this if you are poor? Or pay it back?

Being poor isn't your only option and it might take a lot of work and a lot of time to change, but if you don't make the effort to help yourself, why should anyone else?

There you go folks, it's all your fault Hmm

WorraLiberty · 27/09/2018 21:47

SoftSheen, but that's not what the OP is talking about.

She's talking about those who have no concept of other people being less well off.

Loonoon · 27/09/2018 21:47

I have worked for agencies that offer free/low cost counselling. Demand far outstrips supply and the waiting lists can be very long. Better than nothing but not much help when people are desperate.