To think some people on MN must have magic money trees?

[CoughLaughFart]

Am I the only thinking there are an awful lot of MNers who have no concept of others being less well off than they are? I’ve noticed a few times, but it seems to be getting really bad lately.

Two threads that spring to mind are the passport thread (where the OP’s partner is being pressured to get one so that he can volunteer for a work trip) and the holiday fall-out thread.

TBF most people on the passport thread seem to get that spending £75 on a new passport when you can’t afford to go abroad isn’t very sensible. However, there are quite a few posts along the lines of ‘Just get one, it’s not that expensive’ - even someone saying the OP’s partner should just ‘grow up’ and buy one and ‘that’s what savings are for’. Similarly, on the holiday thread a number of people are advising ‘Book the first flight out’ or ‘find different accommodation’, without a thought that holidays are generally expensive anyway and that effectively booking a second one might be beyond some people’s means.

These are specific current threads, but it seems to be a general attitude in some corners. ‘Get a cleaner’. ‘Get some nice wine and chill in the garden’ (to someone depressed because they’re skint and live in a rough area).

I’m grateful to be in a decent enough position financially, but I’d never simply assume anyone else was. Don’t people at least consider the potential for different circumstances before offering their ‘helpful’ advice?

My SIL's boyfriend came from a council estate and was saying that his brother was really good at maths, but wanted to do a football course. Honestly, I thought "come on, that's not a smart decision - a maths degree is a walk-in to a well-paying job, but a football course at college is a waste of time. Pick maths!".

A maths degree from a good university with daddy pulling a few strings would be a walk in to a well paid career, but you can see how this is totally unattainable for a lad off a council estate?

University is a middle class rite of passage, not a working class one.

Maybe if we weren't importing in plumbers, electricians etc by the plane load, we could train young men like this up but, no, we have to pump up a bloated HE sector with crap, worthless, £9000 a year, bog paper 'degrees' instead.

Stopped reading TFT about 10 pages ago. I've said this before and I'm going to say it again. I am incredibly fortunate, ridiculously so. I will never be poor and have never experienced what it's like but I know that my life and my children's lives are not 'normal', I know that life is skewed towards me, not away.

I'm from a family that has been successful for hundreds of years. There's not an expectation that I will ever get less than I choose. It's just there. I'm one of five and my least earning sibling is still in 6 figures.

But I recognise my privilege, I really do. None of us work 'hard'. We all have very cushy lives, some of us work long hours, but 'hard"? Fuck off. It's easy work for shit-loads of cash.

I think much of it is to with expectations, I never thought I would be anything but very comfortable, when I met DH he was on 18k and I asked him why? Why wasn't he doing this or that? He's on over 200k now. (Same industry just a different approach).

We have a daughter with SN, she's autistic. It's a challenge, but at no point did I think I wouldn't get her the help she needed. She now has an EHCP that will take her through to 25. I've met parents of more profoundly affected children who have struggled to find support.

I've been reported to social services due to issues surrounding my DD, despite it being very fucking painful, it wasn't really a problem, because...

And throughout all this, I know it's because I'm who I am that it's easy to navigate. I know I'd have a much shitter ride if I didn't think the world was mine for the plucking.

I really do get it. And make it clear to my children they are privileged.

(And am actually working on something that breaks these inequalities down).

It’s not thoughtlessness or humble bragging that drives most responses that hurt the feelings of posters who are less well off. When one posts on MN, it is impossible to know who will read the thread/post. Posters just post according to very limited information about other posters’ circumstances.

I just find it annoying these so called “poor” people have pets can smoke and even have the internet. These are luxuries that if you want them you should have to work to get.

Oh no, not THE INTERNET!! The true echelon of privilege and well being.

Fuck off Chas. You clearly have the mindset that 'poor' people can have no pleasure. The massive twats.

'The internet' because 'povos' should be further disenfranchised.

I just find it annoying these so called “poor” people have pets can smoke and even have the internet.

I know, right? Why don't 21st century peasants live like 16th century peasants? They should still be dying of cholera in gutters like proper poor people!

Chas right! Should be in fucking rags and eating gruel shouldn't they!? Pets! Smoking! What next? Meat?

I never thought I would be anything but very comfortable, when I met DH he was on 18k and I asked him why? Why wasn't he doing this or that? He's on over 200k now. (Same industry just a different approach).

May I ask the new approach, or a few more details? Feel free to PM me if you prefer.

Hahaha Chas.

Piss off.

I would nt say the internet is a luxury people need it for evrrything these days homework, job searches etc,

@ilike no I think they should focus on getting into work.
@amdc that’s why we have libraries.

I just think if your moaning you have no money to eat then you should look around you. My great grandfather killed and boiled the family rabbit for food during the war.

Ayn, we both work in tech. I'm more conceptual, DH is very good at nuts and bolts, he'd just taken a pay-cut to do what he wanted to do but on a low salary.

I just told him he was very good at what he did (He's always been a self-starter, and is really very good at what he does. I think it's to do with feeling utterly comfortable to take a leap and knowing that you belong there and that no-one is better than you. And there's the privilege).

Yes lets all eat wild rabbits , i think your being deliberately provocative Chas

I do think Chas is being a piss-taker due to the fact Dave died last week and they had a song called 'Rabbit Rabbit Rabbit'.

Hairyhands- but isn't it easier to take risks and take the leap when you have some sort of financial safety net, even from parents and siblings.

I have friends who were born privileged and I've noticed that they are much more comfortable with risks than boring old non-moneyed me.

And Ayn DH says he can be 'utterly himself' with me, and I think that's because I have the space to be 'utterly myself'.

And when one has true liberty that comes from not being beholden, it's much easier to be yourself...

That's exactly what I'm saying Chimes.

It's much easier to take a leap when you know that landing will break no significant limbs.

I agree with the first post - people often fail to realise how others can't afford things. I have reasonsonable full time earnings but I know at any point that might all go. Go back to the 1900s and plenty of people in this family were mining coal in the NE. We only a few steps away from that kind of life again (and we are not a family that for 100s of years have had money - quite the opposite - I am going our family tree at present so know just about everyone on all sides back to 1800s and 1700s sometimes - no one was well off. The best was my great aunt and uncle who became a nurse and a solicitor in the 1890s which was a massive step up.

I hope I have always made it clear to my children that you should neve assume people could afford things - suggest a walk rather than a meal out, offer to pay for someone's cinema trip if you know they don't have them oney etc etc. Always put yourself in the shoes of others.

Also not everyone chooses high pay when there is a choice as money does not necessarily mean people are happy (although it can help make life easier)

This is a very long thread and I have not read all of it. However, MN is social media and posters are not necessarily who they 'seem' to be.

Whilst chas is stirring a hornets nest with a stick they aren't entirely incorrect in saying that some people will have the I want example when they can't afford it (definitely not all) and say why shouldn't they...

I have friends who struggle, live rurally and can't afford the oil for their central heating (thankfully they have fires for downstairs) so it's never on. But they have a sky package of nearly £80 a month.....regardless of how many conversations we have had when they have asked for budget help (I used to do debt management advice for a charity) I'm told that the sky package is non negotiable and its an essential luxury.....same goes for their phone packages of £30+ each a month. To me that amount of money is bonkers regardless let alone when struggling with bills food shop etc. Unfortunately credit social norm adds fuel to the fire leaving people in crazy debt and struggling.

Hairyhands it's nice to see it recognised from you. We take for granted the values that pervade our families and I know my friends are baffled when we've been cautious.

But when you've experienced having nothing, what you have now is everything and you aren't going to risk losing it lightly.

Of course you never get as far as the rich gambler, but you never fall either. And that's the most important.

I just think if your moaning you have no money to eat then you should look around you. My great grandfather killed and boiled the family rabbit for food during the war.

‘And we never had leather shoes. Only clogs. Clogs on cobbles. It were so loud you could barely hear yourself coughing up blood’.

What if you've already eaten the rabbit do you then start on each other?

Even seeing it on this thread - someone said 'paying £20 a week for a cleaner depends on your priorities' - for some people that £20 is what they have for food, so I guess that has to be their priority