DS V FIL birthday!

[dogandrunning]

Please tell me - Aibu?

DS Birthday next week he will be 12 and birthday party / sleepover planned for the weekend (Saturday afternoon to Sunday ).
FIL Birthday is on the Saturday and SIL has decided to arrange a party for him. They live over an hours drive away.
I have said to DH that he will have to go without me due to DS party
He thinks I am being selfish and should either a) re arrange DS party/ sleepover or b) leave DS and friends in the care of DD who is 18.
DD is perfectly sensible however I don't think that she should have responsibility for DS friends when we will be over an hour away from home.
AIIBU ??

How many friends? Tbh I think an 18 year old probably would be able to hack it. She is technically an adult now and 12 year olds are pretty self sufficient all she needs to do is keep them alive.

You would need their parents consent as Well.

YANBU. SIL should have 'booked' the date with you earlier.

If she wants to do it then great and you can make it worth her while.

Nope you nbu. The sleepover was organised first. Is it a big birthday? Were there talks of a party? Is your ds actual birthday on the Saturday too? If it's a big birthday I would have checked if he had plans first but since your dh can still go I don't see the big deal really

Your husband is being ridiculous. Your son's party has already been planned and you are committed. Also, if I were the parent of one of your son's friends and I found out you left your 18yo in charge, I would be quite upset. With that many children attending, especially 12yo's, the host parents need to be supervising.

Your DH can go by himself. SIL should of checked you were free. Your SD will be disappointed if you cancel or rearrange.

Wouldn’t your FiL want his grandchildren there? I think it would be sensible for you to stay with the boys, an 18 year old could easily be given the runaround by boys that age. Only takes one of them to make up nonsense about ‘walking home’ when they’re buggering off without permission to turn it into a shot show.

YANBU. Whenever any of my or DH's family are planning a get together, they usually ask if X date is ok before any further planning. Let your DH go on his own - can't believe he's putting his DF and DSis before his own child!

*shit show

No, I would feel the same as you. I don’t think I’d have been that brilliant at looking after a bunch of 12yos overnight when I was 18 and I was fairly sensible by then.

DS Birthday is Wednesday but obviously can't have his sleepover until the weekend due to school.
FIL will be 90 so yes a big birthday but DH can still attend.
DS party arrived first. DD hasn't been asked yet so she may not even be available

Do you think FIL would want his grandchild's Party moved for his own birthday? Most people wouldn't

The two birthdays are always going to clash, and so always have clashed, which she would have known. But you need a solution; host your DS party until you leave the little darlings in the care of your 18 year old, if she’s up for it, then drive back to your house to sleep so she’s not responsible overnight. Ok, one of you can’t drink but it’s a compromise that might work for you all.

Hmm a 90th? And you arranged the sleepover on FIL's actual birthday? That's a bit different. You should probably move the sleepover tbh

Couldn't you do the sleep over the week before?

Could you make quick calls to the parents to see if Friday night would work for your son's party?

As a parent I wouldn’t agree to leave my twelve year old with an eighteen year old overnight while the parents were an hour away. By day yes, at night not a chance. Not implying that your DD isn’t responsible fwiw, but twelve year olds on the whole most definitely are not and as such I would only agree to the sleepover if the parents were there.

Your SIL is unreasonable to have arranged the party at such short notice, however as your FIL is 90 I do think that his birthday takes priority here and that you should rearrange the sleepover and that you and the DC should attend. There’s a high possibility that your FIL might not be around next year for instance due to age alone.

The fact it's FIL's 90th does put a different spin on it. Surely he'd like his grandchildren there, as well as his son? I'd postpone DS's party tbh.

Wouldn't FIL want DS and DD at his party anyway? I'd rearrange the sleepover. Awkward as it is DS will have many more birthdays and its not a big one. FIL may not have many more birthdays and it is a big one.

Hmmm it’s true that 90 is likely the last big birthday for FIL isn’t it? Not many people get to 100! Sorry to sound bleak.

Are your dcs invited to FIL’s party? If so, I’d go with the whole family and move the sleepover. It is a bit annoying that you got told about it so late in the day though.

I guess it depends if fil party was a last minute arrangement or whether your ail had planned it in advance and just assumed you would plan to be available as 90 is a fairly big event.

I agree with the poster above, 18 Yr old in charge and you guys back by 1130 so she isn't on her own overnight.

Fwiw I do think you were a bit silly not to think there might be something being planned for a 90th birthday.

I'd change your son's party to Friday. A 90th birthday is a big deal and surely your FiL will want the whole family there?

Ah ok, I would have checked before I planned a sleepover on my fils 90th to be honest, I think you should have done the sleepover the weekend before, Wednesday is the hump of the week so fine to do either weekend and he is 90 ffs, even if there was no party surely you knew it would be marked in some way?? Is the 18 year old not going to the party? I'm changing my mind to yabu I think, 90 is the last of the big ones (odds are)

I think on this occasion I'd see if DS's party can be moved.

Do not leave a bunch of 11/12 year olds in the care of an 18 year old. It is not fair to your DD and other parents may complain.

You have already committed to the slumber party. Stick with your plans and send your regrets to FIL. He will understand, surely? DH can go with your apologies. Make an extra fuss of him the day before or the day after instead.