DS V FIL birthday!

[dogandrunning]

Please tell me - Aibu?

DS Birthday next week he will be 12 and birthday party / sleepover planned for the weekend (Saturday afternoon to Sunday ).
FIL Birthday is on the Saturday and SIL has decided to arrange a party for him. They live over an hours drive away.
I have said to DH that he will have to go without me due to DS party
He thinks I am being selfish and should either a) re arrange DS party/ sleepover or b) leave DS and friends in the care of DD who is 18.
DD is perfectly sensible however I don't think that she should have responsibility for DS friends when we will be over an hour away from home.
AIIBU ??

If I knew my FIl was having a big birthday I wouldn’t have organised a party over that weekend. You could have easily arranged a different weekend. Or planned it for the weekend before. Depends on the number of people for the sleepover , but it might be worth reorganising it if you can. Always worrh a go!

Sounds to me that the SIL is used to doing what she wants, and expecting others to fall in line, even to the point of ignoring the wishes of the birthday person themselves.

And DH is used to jumping when SIL expects it.

@Puddlejumps OP has already posted that they can't rearrange the sleepover, as the other boys are not all available for several weeks ahead.

And the sleepover was arranged as FIL himself had said he didn't want a fuss, so the Sunday arrangements were made.

OP isn't at fault here.

Read the thread Puddlejumos, arrangements for the DS party/sleepover were made long before the SIL setup the party for the FiL.

You shouldn’t have arranged the sleepover for the day of you FIL birthday. Why can’t you rearrange the sleepover for Friday -Saturday then you can do both plus it means you have the boys over straight after school till Saturday mid day

@fastfooder
for Goodness sake ( again !!) RTFT people. It's lazy and boring when OP has answered all of that before and so have other PP who have summarised repeatedly !!

Thank you all - I've spoken to FIL and he doesn't want me to alter DS's Birthday arrangements and is happy to stick to our original plan.
He said 'between you and me I'm only staying for an hour myself'

DH has also had time to reflect and has apologised. He's so used to dancing to his DSIS tune he forgets himself at times.

He said 'between you and me I'm only staying for an hour myself'

Glad to hear your DH has had a word with himself too!

Happy 90th to your FIL, and I hope your DS has a great birthday sleepover.

Your FIL sounds lovely!

LOVE that your FIL said that 😆.

He is a lovely man

Lovely FIL - hope you and a fantastic time with both "birthday boys" this weekend
(and it sounds like FIL meant it when he told you he didn't want a fuss and actually doesn't really want the party that SIL has forced on him)

He said 'between you and me I'm only staying for an hour myself'

Glad that you’ve got it sorted. Although I’m always at extended families who very much put dSC second even to the extent they expect things like their birthdays to come second to those in the family. What’s that about?

OP, great update. FIL sounds lovely, and glad your DH apologised.

Lose your DH but keep your FIL - he sounds brilliant

I have just snorted my cuppa reading your film's response! Bloody genius!

Happy 90th to a true hero!

Hope your son has a great party OP!

Ha ha he is a total legend

Update - DH and youngest DS have gone to the party. FIL did leave after an hour as he's going out with his mates tonight

Oldest DS hasn't even had a 'happy birthday' message or card from any of DH's family

Good, all sorted then! Hope your older DS1 has a wonderful sleep over party! And that DH and younger DS2 return soon (after FIL leaves his unwanted 'party'!!) to help enjoy DS1's birthday party!!
It's lovely seeing DC enjoy themselves 😁

DS1 and friends have been swimming and are currently having a fortnite meets nerf guns war so all good here
Just feel sad for him that his birthday hasn't even been acknowledged by anybody is DH's family except for FIL - although to be far it's bothering me far more than it is him

I think what you're doing is absolutely fine. I don't think oh FIL would want You to rearrange his grandsons birthday sleepover! You tried to rearrange but cannot. To be honest it's all down to your SIL..she really should have given everyone more notice. Send hubby for an hour on Saturday, and all of you can go and see FIL Sunday as planned.

I absolutely agree with Aquamarine1029, try and have your DS sleepover on the Friday night then you can all go to FIL party on the Saturday

Laughing that a 90th birthday party seems to be something someone HAS to attend, just because an adult makes it to 90 years old. Grandpa will still be 90 the next day and they can visit then. Better still, if they visit the next day they get a whole heap of time with him rather than a few snatched conversations and a few hours sitting chatting to random family members.

The son’s friends and their families would all be inconvenienced if it was all changed, it is really bad form to cancel a kids party unless it’s an emergency. If DH was that fussed about it, he should have spoken up that the party was on FIL’s birthday.

So what did SIL do when FIL buggered off after his hour? How was the party without the guest of honour?

Whogivesadamn according to DH she wasn't best pleased but FIL had seen and spoken to everybody he wanted to and he wanted to go home and rest before a night out with his friends - he still goes to the local club every Saturday night and didn't want his birthday to be the exception.