DS V FIL birthday!

[dogandrunning]

Please tell me - Aibu?

DS Birthday next week he will be 12 and birthday party / sleepover planned for the weekend (Saturday afternoon to Sunday ).
FIL Birthday is on the Saturday and SIL has decided to arrange a party for him. They live over an hours drive away.
I have said to DH that he will have to go without me due to DS party
He thinks I am being selfish and should either a) re arrange DS party/ sleepover or b) leave DS and friends in the care of DD who is 18.
DD is perfectly sensible however I don't think that she should have responsibility for DS friends when we will be over an hour away from home.
AIIBU ??

Is your son your husband's stepson? Is that why he forgot the birthday and wants to cancel the party?

If you are going to leave the children with your daughter, you had better get permission from every single parent well in advance. Personally, I think it's a very irresponsible thing to do. If anything should happen to one of those children in your home, YOU are responsible for it.

Your DH is being quite unreasonable. His family should have planned earlier. This is their failure, not yours.

I wouldn't leave an 18 year old in charge of a bunch of 12 year olds in your house, and I wouldn't send my own 12 year old if a parent wasn't going to be there. The party was planned first, and everyone is coming. At least one of you should be there.

DS is a child. FIL is an adult. YANBU

I would have said YANBU but as it's a 90th birthday, I'd try to rearrange.
I don't want to sound melodramatic but we had to miss my dm's birthday due to my dc having to do extra training for a sports competition. My dm died a month later.

What were you planning for the Sunday with FIL?

Would it work for your husband to go to the party on the Sat & then you all go again on the Sun & do what was planned?

FILs party should have been organised further in advance. Your DH is BU. He can go by himself.

I wouldn't be thrilled at my 12 year old being left by the parents in charge.

So you had plans and your sil put the spanner in the works and your dh expects you to acquiesce. I’d be annoyed but I would try to change the party. I see you can’t and wouldn’t cancel in that case. Your dh is bu. Unfortunate that your sil was disorganised.

DS is a child. FIL is an adult. YANBU

I broadly agree, with the caveat that 12 isn't especially young, and 90 is especially old - very much likely to be the last big birthday.

If the options had been discussed in advance, I'd say the 90 year old trumped the 12 year old (who could have his party another day). Since they haven't though, it seems ridiculous to cancel in the circumstances.

Well, it's very short notice from your sister in law, you already has DS's party planned, you even attempted to rearrange, but it wasn't really possible. I'd say you've done as much as you can. Next time SIL will know not to arrange a party with just a few days' notice.

Is have said the same as pps - that changing your DS' party to Friday night would be best. Reading your update that this isn't possible though - I still wouldn't leave your DD in charge. If my DS (similar ages) were invited to a sleepover with no parental supervision I wouldn't let them go, and if I found out afterwards that this was the case, I'd be raging! I'm sure your DD is very sensible but 12 year old boys aren't.

Maybe you could go to your SILs for lunch and make it back for 7pm-ish for your DSs guests? Or you both go in separate cars and you come back at that time, leaving your DH to celebrate until late with his family while you supervise the boys?

Yes my DC are DH's DSC.
DD not available anyway I've just checked and as it's her BF birthday the following Monday they are going out on Saturday for lunch and then shopping
DH is a big boy I'm sure he'll be fine without me holding his hand.
Me and DC can still go to see FIL as planned on the Sunday

DS's friends are coming over at 1pm on Saturday so going over int he afternoon and getting back for them is not an option.
Youngest DS has football training on Saturday mornings so can't go over before the party either - god what a mes!

No, that sounds fine to me. You will see FIL on the Sunday and at 90 he may prefer to see people individually or smaller groups.

Hope both events go well.

SIL has form for making arrangements/decisions without consulting anybody and them expects us to re arrange plans and fall into line..
DH is happy to be dictated to by her I'm not especially as my DC are treated like second class citizens by both SIL'a

Is this more about not doing what you think your SIL expects then OP, because you don't get on? It's still going to look like you not going to your FIL 90th birthday party though!

Step FIL so your dc wouldn’t be invited.
Yanbu. Let your DH go by himself if FIL is not bothered

No. I would NOT move DS party. And I would not be happy with an 18 year old in charge of it if my DC had been invited. You arranged your party first - so why does the other one have to take priority, And I BET FIL would say the same.

I bet he wouldn't.

Your DH must have consented to DS's party so the onus was on him if a party for his dad was in the pipeline.

Don't let him and SIL make you the bad guy because they forgot to actually plan a 90th Birthday properly.

I would change the party date of DS else when FIL don't be crying, you didn't even value his 90th?!

90th does trump 12th birthday party!! Rearrange the sleepover. You should all attend as a family.

YANBU

You already had plans with FIL for the Sunday and now SIL has sprung a last minute party on a different day and wants everyone to jump into line. SIL should have planned further in advance and DH should have checked

The most important thing is seeing FIL - and you had pre-existing plans to do that - can't SIL rearrange her party for the Sunday?

Oh for goodness sake people RTFT!!

Cross posted with @Lunde