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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell this mum she has to stay with her child?

352 replies

hidinginthenightgarden · 26/09/2018 20:48

Ds is having a party in a soft play centre next week. Last week there was a party and one mum left her child there and came back for him later.

I know this is sometimes a done thing so for context, the kids are around 5/6 yrs old and he only started this term. If he was older or if I knew them better but as it is, I am not comfortable looking after a child I have never even spoke to. I couldn't pick his mum out in a line up!

I want to make it clear that she cannot leave him but don't want to cause offence. Would you send a text to all mums saying that they are expected to stay with kids or hope it was a one off and say something on the day if you have to?

OP posts:
Blondebakingmumma · 27/09/2018 05:12

For the parents expecting to be able to leave a 5 year old at a party, so you really expect the host Mum to be able to supervise 10-20 5 year olds at soft play. I’d be a nervous wreck

SpareASquare · 27/09/2018 05:21

For the parents expecting to be able to leave a 5 year old at a party, so you really expect the host Mum to be able to supervise 10-20 5 year olds at soft play. I’d be a nervous wreck

Then you don't host a party at soft play. Or you ensure you have a ratio that you can manage. I know if we ever had soft play parties my parents and a couple of aunts/cousins were usually available.

I didn't stay at that age unless I was good friends with the parent and hung out with them. I also rarely had parents who chose to stay at that age.

If I expected parents to stay it would be EXTREMELY poor form to not put up anything for them. At the very least a cup of tea or coffee would be offered.

sofato5miles · 27/09/2018 05:25

I agree that if you expect adults to stay then you meed to offer them coffee/ tea/ water . You have effectively invited them.

falcon5 · 27/09/2018 05:33

Last 6 year old parties I was at 90% had 1 parent stay. Possibly because we are rural and by the time you drop off settle drive somewhere else and drive back you don't have much middle time. But there's always tea.

Pinkprincess1978 · 27/09/2018 05:38

Oh this surprises me that so many feel it's ok to leave kids at a party so young! In my experience kids don't start getting left until year 3 so 7/8.

Also providing tea and coffees isn't expected really. I've been to a few where they were but not that many (in places where the cost is high, in church hall type parties they are always on offer) but then I don't drink on drinks so could have missed them being there.

PastaRedWine · 27/09/2018 05:40

You can't expect parents to stay and not buy them one tea/coffee imo.

Honestly, I have been to dozens and dozens of similar parties and the first coffee/tea has always been bought by the host. A couple of times I have already bought myself one, and the dad or whatever has come up to me and said, I'll get you the next one, sorry I missed you.

GoatWithACoat · 27/09/2018 05:56

I think you ABU to not buy tea and coffee for parents but expect them to stay. I’m with you on not being comfortable supervising that amount of kids at a party so I’ve always welcomed the parents with refreshments. You factor it in to the cost of the party.

You can’t have it both ways OP sorry.

EwItsAHooman · 27/09/2018 06:26

Do all you parents who stay at every party have just one child?

Four.

I have been to dozens and dozens of similar parties and the first coffee/tea has always been bought by the host

I've been to dozens and dozens too and first tea/coffee has never been bought by the host and it's not expected that they'll do this.

Pissedoffdotcom · 27/09/2018 06:34

The soft play centres round here have a standard adult to child ratio. I don't know enough adults that could meet that ratio even if all of them offered to help out! As for host buying teas/coffees...the party is for the kids, not the adults. Buy your own tea & coffee!

Pebblesandfriends · 27/09/2018 06:41

I would assume I was required to stay with my child unless the invitation specified otherwise.

ImogenTubbs · 27/09/2018 06:47

"Because of the size of the venue, we are asking parents to stay to supervise their children."

I do think you should ask the venue if the can provide a big pot of tea and coffee for the parents though that you pay for - not talking about individual pricey cappuccinos at £3 each, but a standard pot of filter coffee- should be much more affordable but is a mannerly hostess thing to do!

Centreparcsooheer · 27/09/2018 06:49

Tea or coffee always bought for parents around here (and a sneaky biscuit too!). I'd feel really guilty expecting parents to stay and not providing any refreshments. People here don't do ridiculous class parties though so we'd never be in the position of needing to buy 30 teas/coffees as my children have only ever invited their friends.

Foodylicious · 27/09/2018 06:53

I have been to a few soft play parties and the drinks for adults has been about 50/50. Some where we have all just bought out own from the counter, others where there has been a large tea and coffee pot (and biscuits) that must have been included as part of the package as the staff topped them up as needed

Tumbleweed101 · 27/09/2018 06:55

The only thing to be wary of is if parents need to stay so might siblings of the invited children. They may want to join in any party food etc.

897654321abcvrufhfgg · 27/09/2018 07:08

Wow really surprised at all the drop and runs. I normally stay the first 15-20 mins and return earlier than stated. NEVER return later than invite time. Being responsible for a child you don’t know is a huge expectation and I wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving my child with a complete stranger. Different strokes I suppose.

lovetherisingsun · 27/09/2018 07:17

I think you're brave having a mass party for 5 year olds at soft play.

ArianwenTheAstronaut · 27/09/2018 07:32

albert

Is that a name change fail and you’re actually lara? Sorry you find me too sensitive. I’ve already said what I think of your posts.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 27/09/2018 07:32

If you're making me stay because you can't handle a kids party, the least you can do is buy me a coffee!!

1in4FrogsIsALeapFrog · 27/09/2018 07:41

To go back to your original question OP, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable to ask parents to stay if you don’t feel comfortable looking after everyone’s children there.
I don’t think you can assume everyone will so I think you are right to message all the parents and ParisNext message is a good one.

I’d make sure to message everyone though in case she’s started a trend at the last party Grin

Ali1cedowntherabbithole · 27/09/2018 07:44

Round here year 1 was the transition year.

Most children had a parent stay in reception, most didn’t by year 2. I tended to stay with my summer born youngest in year 1 because that’s what she wanted.

Tea / coffee nearly always provided.

Drop and run Mum isn’t wrong.

golddustwomen · 27/09/2018 07:44

I'm in the minority here because I would never leave my dc at a party in a soft play ect. I also wouldn't expect drinks for adults to be provided for me.
However if the party was in someone's house then I probably would leave.

partypolitics1 · 27/09/2018 07:46

My DC is the same age and just had a party, we had a mix of parents who did or Didn't stay. Some asked ahead or asked before leaving (totally fine), some literally dropped and ran and the kids appeared out of nowhere without their parents which I found odd as they hadn't confirmed to me or the child that I was "looking after" them.

Like a PP though I would plan a party and adult help around the size of party. If I was unable to keep an eye on all the children and do party bits then I wouldn't host a party for the whole class as a majority do leave.

The mum obviously trust her own child to be able to find the party child/party area if he needed anything. Can your DH/DM or another family member attend and be designated "childcare".

Pissedoffdotcom · 27/09/2018 07:54

I don't so much have an issue with pre-agreed drop offs. However to me at that age, dropping & running without prior conversation is rude as hell. DD had a party last week for 36 kids (nightmare); three parents messaged beforehand to ask if we had enough adults to mean they could leave for whatever reason. A further two asked on the day...and then one waltzed in, handed her kid's coat to DP & sauntered out again. Luckily we were in a hired hall so no specific ratio like soft play...but the absolute cheek of it pissed me off.

DustyMaiden · 27/09/2018 07:57

I went to a soft play and saw a small boy around 4/5 sitting on the steps outside crying. He said he had come to a party and everyone had gone home. I waited with him for 20 minutes then his DM turned up, she had been delayed. The fact the host didn’t have control of the guest put him at serious risk.

cece · 27/09/2018 08:00

At aged 5/6 I wouldn't expect to stay.