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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell this mum she has to stay with her child?

352 replies

hidinginthenightgarden · 26/09/2018 20:48

Ds is having a party in a soft play centre next week. Last week there was a party and one mum left her child there and came back for him later.

I know this is sometimes a done thing so for context, the kids are around 5/6 yrs old and he only started this term. If he was older or if I knew them better but as it is, I am not comfortable looking after a child I have never even spoke to. I couldn't pick his mum out in a line up!

I want to make it clear that she cannot leave him but don't want to cause offence. Would you send a text to all mums saying that they are expected to stay with kids or hope it was a one off and say something on the day if you have to?

OP posts:
ArianwenTheAstronaut · 26/09/2018 23:30

Get a sense of humour? Not one like yours thanks all the same. I don’t find you very funny at all.

laraloo92 · 26/09/2018 23:33

@ArianwenTheAstronaut
Your post come across to me that you would expect to have tea or coffee provided for you if you took your child to a party but OP has already stated she can't afford to do that and I don't think she needs to do that nor would I. And then you brought going to a play center because buying a present is more expensive I can't even remember but it went off topic and what you were saying was irrelevant, Going to a party shouldn't need to cater for parents but if it does it's a bonus no one should expect it you seemed to expect it which isn't fair when Op has said she can't afford that.
Don't instant how this is in any way bullying you how do you not think it's funny when your arguing on Mumsnet over tea and coffee it's pathetic and laughable and no one actually cares clearly I need to go to bed

Rachie1973 · 26/09/2018 23:34

LOL If someone 'invited' me to stay for a drink, whilst the parties ongoing I'd be 'Oh thank you SO much, but I have so much to do, next time maybe' and smile sweetly. It wouldn't even occur to me that I was expected to stay!

user789653241 · 26/09/2018 23:37

IME, if the parents are invited to stay at soft play, the party host always offer to buy tea/coffee for parents(though many decline and buy it themselves.)

ArianwenTheAstronaut · 26/09/2018 23:40

I’m not repeating myself again lara. I’ve said a few times now that I don’t expect anything to be provided for me at parties, but it’s certainly considered polite hosting. Where I live anyway.

Where the conversation went after that was due to you making a pretty vicious jibe to me. I think you have an unusual sense of humour at best. Let’s leave it at that shall we?

BackforGood · 26/09/2018 23:43

In reception year most of the parents stayed

Yes, but this is Yr1 (if in England - I know Scotland has different year groups). The OP has said they are 5 or 6, and already mentioned what happened last year, in Reception.

laraloo92 · 26/09/2018 23:44

@ArianwenTheAstronaut yes I know you said that but you said it after OP said she can't afford that so I found your comment slightly stupid but yes please let's stop I was joke about saying go and have a cup of tea and I realized how stupid this whole this is and sometimes you have to laugh I deffinatly didn't call you a bad parent and saying 10/10 parenting what not aimed at you it was aimed at people who do things like that but still I never called you a bad parent as I don't even know you.

ArianwenTheAstronaut · 26/09/2018 23:51

And still with the “slightly stupid”? You had to get in another sly dig didn’t you? You can’t seem to help yourself.

Anyway, goodnight.

EwItsAHooman · 26/09/2018 23:55

you literally quoted me a while ago having an issue with sending a message to prewarn the parents they need to stay incase they had other children who weren't invited. Now you are telling the op to send a message?

Hmm

I said to send a message in my first post on the thread.

The part of your post that I quoted was the bit about "what if she has other kids who aren't invited?" and I said what most people do in that scenario because, where I live, parents stay at parties.

albert92 · 26/09/2018 23:56

@ArianwenTheAstronaut I did find your comment slightly stupid my god your sensitive do you just want to argue over nothing I'm way past caring now

EwItsAHooman · 26/09/2018 23:57

And I didn't have an issue with you saying to send a message, I had no issue. I was simply making a general comment about part of your post. It wasn't directed specifically at you.

DayManChampionOfTheSun · 27/09/2018 00:12

EwItsAHoomanapologies, I misunderstood. The only reason I wrote about potential other children was as a response to someone else who said to basically just tell them they are expected to stay at the party. I was feeling a bit ganged up on, apologies again for the misunderstanding.

EwItsAHooman · 27/09/2018 00:13

No worries, so much gets lost when it's writing and you lose the tone and facial expressions to go along with it Grin

DayManChampionOfTheSun · 27/09/2018 00:15

EwItsAHooman agreed! Thank you Smile

Armchairanarchist · 27/09/2018 00:22

Mum of three. At 5/6 I'd absolutely not expect to stay at a party, never have. What would I do with the other 2 DC?

AllTheChocolateMice · 27/09/2018 00:23

Did someone have a bit of a nc fail there Hmm

It seems to have changed in the last 20 years, when my eldest was little parents never stayed. It’s probably about half and half with my youngest who is in year 1. By year 2 everyone drops and leaves

Rebecca36 · 27/09/2018 00:46

Parents never stayed at kid's parties in my day. Must be a new thing. Usually the parent host had another adult with them.

Ski4130 · 27/09/2018 00:49

Do all you parents who stay at every party have just one child? I honestly struggle to commit to every party pick up, sports match and playdate with three, and a party invite for one of them means extra time for something else - having to supervise my child, at an event organised by someone else, for their child, at which I'd assume they're prepared and ready to entertain the invitees seems really strange.

VerbeenaBeeks · 27/09/2018 00:58

All those who say they expect to drop at parties at the age of 5- 6,that's never been the norm here when they've been at soft play centres here and I've been to loads over the past 15 years with the kids.
If it was a house party, bit more normal but soft play parties definitely no.

accendo · 27/09/2018 01:01

I'd stay in that situation. We've had a parents leave their 5 year old at the party venue before we even arrived for the party. We drove into the carpark to see the parents car driving out!

SandAndSea · 27/09/2018 01:05

OP, I would just send her a quick message. I'm not sure what you would like to say but it might be along the lines of:

Hi 'parent'! Just a quick message about the party. I wanted to check that you'll be able to stay with DC as there will be about 100 or so other children in the area and he doesn't know us yet. Hope that's OK? Thanks, OP.

iniquity · 27/09/2018 01:18

If you only see your partner/husband 2 weekends a month as you work and you feel obliged to spend those weekends in a soft play centre which are hideous places then it is ruining a weekend. I doubt I’m not the only one who feels like that. We much prefer family outings at weekends. It’s a shame these dreadful parties exist, why can’t kids just have sleepovers? I appreciate you don’t have to send the kid , but then you are left with mummy guilt.

Labradoodliedoodoo · 27/09/2018 03:47

I wouldn’t text all parents. I’d just text her and ask her if she would like to stay as her sons new to you and it’S likely to be chaotic with so many kids. But it would be nice to meet as your son has mentioned hers

ittakes2 · 27/09/2018 04:25

I agree that lots of parents at that age want to stay (and I was one of them), but I'm sorry I think its unusual you are expecting her to stay. Something like less than a quarter of parents stayed when I had my twins 4th birthday (my children are autumn babies so most of the guests were 3), although I had met most of the children before.
When my children started school, and I didn't know hardly any of the children, I had two class parties for my twins when they were turned 5 (and most of the other children were 4, some had just turned 4). Out of the 2 x 30 children probably 10 parents each party stayed - I thought they would all stay so had completely over catered. There was one mum whose son was younger - he was 3 and still in nappies - I assumed she would stay - but she came up and told me she had just put her son in a new nappy and ran off! He didn't even know anyone but was happy as Larry.
By 5/6 barely any of the parents stayed at parties - although they were all were very welcome! I just had family help put and a few good friends.
If a teacher (and potentially a teaching assistant) can manage a class of 30 x 5/6 year olds - I'm a bit surprised a party where you have one on one supervision from most parents except one is too tricky. Especially at a soft play centre where they are contained in one location. But you are the person running the party - just ring her and explain you don't feel comfortable and is it OK for her to stay. But whatever you do - don't send her a text implying you want her to stay as she may not get the message and you will be uspet on the day.

ParisNext · 27/09/2018 04:46

Where I live there's an international community so party etiquette is a nightmare; I have to deal with this exact situation all the time. WE HAVE A STANDARD TEXT... My friends and I always send a group text to say "as the party is at soft play, we hope you'll be able to stay and be on hand for your child during the party but if for some reason you can't stay then please would you make sure than another parent is responsible for your little one's needs during the party. Any problems just let us know"
It has saved all kinds of confusion...