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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Holiday fall out

484 replies

Starleaf · 26/09/2018 18:32

Ok so I'm on holiday abroad with a friend and her two late teen children. It was my friends birthday yesterday, I packed birthday banners and ordered a cake and a bottle of fizz for her from the hotel. We went on a special day trip that I knew she wanted to do. Got back to hotel got ready for dinner and a night out, maybe a dance bar. All good so far. We had a lovely meal and decided to have a walk and find a bar. We passed several that were either showing football or boxing. Almost at the end of the strip we came to a place that was busy, playing music with people dancing. Just as we went in a song I love came on and I went to dance beckoning for my friend to follow. She didn't so when the song finished I went back to join her and asked if she'd like a drink. She said she didn't like the bar and was leaving.
I'll admit I wad pissed off at this point and walked out with my friend and kids following. I didn't walk fast but she hung back and the three of them stopped at a market, so I was on my own. I got back to our room (2 bed apt) and went to the bathroom. When I came out one of her kids was sleeping in her bed, and she'd gone to the other bedroom. I asked her why and she suddenly became very angry. She said as it was her birthday I should have done everything she wanted.
She has since told me she doesn't want anything more to do with me, I spoiled her birthday and that our friendship is finished.
I told her she was behaving immaturely. We haven't really spoken since, and they've now gone out for dinner leaving me in the room.
AIBU to think she'd had the whole day doing what she wanted, could she not have stayed at the bar for one drink, and has she over reacted?

OP posts:
squooz · 28/09/2018 07:28

Sorry this is happening on your holiday OP - whatever is going on with her leaving you on your own is not a kind thing and is no way to treat a friend. I do have a friend who like you called me her rock - had constant fights with friends and family and used me as a sounding board for years about all of it - I made a minor mistake when I was depressed and grieving - she has blocked me ever since - 25 years of friendship gone -but her story was mental illness and paranoia so I can never really blame her. Unless your friend has a genuine reason her behaviour is erratic and childish- but not knowing her background it’s hard to say. Stay strong and enjoy the you time - you sound like you have the right idea on what to do with the future friendship.

strawberrisc · 28/09/2018 08:11

If she’s anything like me she was probably hangry. You’re not you when you’re hangry. 😆

Original poster
Starleaf · 28/09/2018 08:31

I'm first to wake again this morning. Came too at 5.45 with the worst migraine I've had in months. Took prescribed meds then went back to sleep. Am up now, head not half as bad as it was earlier. 😃
It's our last day tomorrow, we're not picked up until around 6.30pm ish, will have to go have a look in reception. We'd talked about paying to keep the room, as should vacate before midday. Have a feeling friend will now say no, which is fine with me, will probably be easier.
I've been away and come back to this, friend came out to smoke. After a second or so I said good morning, she barked gm back. Asked her if she'd thought any more about holding the room...shook her head, then became aggressive telling me if I wanted to I'd have to sort it, she wants nothing more to do with me. Then she got personal and brought family members and another friend of mine up. Now,... I've had a shit full of this over the past couple of days and lost my temper with her. Told her a few home truths, really wish I hadn't but anger got the better of me. Up to this point I've succeeded in staying pretty calm, and have walked away when she's become aggressive. So I've been down to reception paid to keep the room until 6pm, and will let one of them ask if we have an extension on the room.
Sun lotion then down to the pool to read.

OP posts:
ContessasGulagSpaDay · 28/09/2018 08:46

anyone with kids this age knows full well they'd say if you were being an arsehole.

Sorry Bluntness but that's not always the case when you've got the kids trained to be scared of your temper.... my mother was like this and DSis and I were like the kids described in the posts. We would just be grateful she wasn't angry at us for a change, and would play up to any affection she chose yo show because she got very nasty if you rejected it. Could be the same here, who knows.

Hope you're ok ok, she sounds v. childish.

ContessasGulagSpaDay · 28/09/2018 08:47

Oh God, cross post.

She's being a right cunt, isn't she?

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/09/2018 08:47

Please don’t allow her stay in the room after check out time. That would be paying her to bully you. I would tell her she will need to leave and her children can stay if they wish. Her children are guaranteed to vacate as well by the sound of it.... they haven’t been brave enough to defy her thus far.

LoniceraJaponica · 28/09/2018 08:55

I wouldn't even tell her that you have paid to keep the room. I know it is stooping to her level, but why should you be nice to her?

moomin11 · 28/09/2018 09:10

I've gone through similar before, once with the best friend I had in my late teens/early twenties - a holiday was the end of our friendship too - and with a close friend from uni I had known for 12 years. In both cases they wanted to reconcile some time later but my eyes had been opened and I didn't want people like that in my life. It is sad when you've been good friends for a long time and I struggled to deal with it as I never got an explanation as to why things suddenly changed. There must be more to it from your friend's perspective but if she won't be honest about that then the friendship won't survive.

GabsAlot · 28/09/2018 09:29

dont tell her say you'll make yor own way to the airport and let them leave

iwillrunanultra · 28/09/2018 10:21

Oh no that's awful, I would be so upset in your shoes. Will you have to sit next to her on the flight home? Tell me you don't have to drive home together or share a cab?

greyfordays · 28/09/2018 10:55

You sound awesome and this friend ... to be honest doesn't sound like much of a friend if she can fall out with you over this. I have got pissed off with friends as well as the other way round but we sort it out cos ... well we are friends...

Can we be friends? I would love a good boogie. May I ask what the song was?

greyfordays · 28/09/2018 10:56

The word 'friends' is now feeling very weird as I have used it so much in the above post...

MrsAJ27 · 28/09/2018 12:14

I am suprised you didn't lose your temper a lot sooner. Your 'friend' sounds horrible.

Hope you enjoy your last few days!

Aprilshowersnowastorm · 28/09/2018 12:17

Her poor dc must be mortified.

Cloud9Until6am · 28/09/2018 12:29

Anyone else on this thread really fancy a slice of cake?

Seriously though it sounds like a daft arguement that you tried to smooth over but your friend is just not willing to make amends. Doesn't sound like there's much more you can do Sad

1forAll74 · 28/09/2018 12:33

It seems that communication was lacking here regarding the so called special birthday evening out. You are talking about adults here, not a group of school children. It would do my head in. all this aggro and silences, bad enough at home, but on holiday much worse.

HouseworkIsASin10 · 28/09/2018 12:38

She's a fucker for freezing you out. Knowing you would be on your own, when she has her kids for company.

I would have at least been civil until you got home, then cooled the friendship.

No going back from this.

Furrycushion · 28/09/2018 12:42

It would be interesting if mypointofview gave her point of view, but she seems to have disappeared. Presumably she knows she's in the wrong.

Original poster
Starleaf · 28/09/2018 13:21

greyfordays song was Despacito. It's just one of those songs that for me is a holiday song. I wasn't alone on the dance floor, there were other people dancing. When it came on some of them cheered, so wasn't just me that liked it. My friend did initially follow, but when I turned to dance she'd gone back to where we were originally standing.
I'm by the pool reading a good book. I did go up to room earlier to use bathroom and they were packing, so think they'll vacate room early tomorrow. Friend said she'll email me once home to let me know her feelings and what this is all about. Think I'll tell her not to bother later, I'm done with her, no longer interested in anything she has to say. Still can't believe she's gone off with her 2 girls and left me alone. It's something I'd never do, it's just not right in my eyes...

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 28/09/2018 13:25

She sounds awful.
Massive over-reaction.
I'd follow others advice.
Don't tell her about the room extension.
Just tell her that you'll make your own way to the airport.

ektomarie · 28/09/2018 13:32

Block her on everything now Grin

LoniceraJaponica · 28/09/2018 13:34

I would be inclined to block her on all social media as well. She sounds awful.

Cornishclio · 28/09/2018 13:35

This is bullying. Your friend is there with her two children and you are there alone. Well done for standing up for yourself and at least you have the use of the room to yourself tomorrow. I too would not tell her you have paid for a room extension and let them leave early. It will be easier for you to have your own space. I too would tell her not to bother with explanations if she can't tell you to your face. That is a cowards way out. She would be behaving differently if she didn't have her daughters there. Dreadful example to set them. Have you got your travel arrangements home sorted?

Zucker · 28/09/2018 13:38

Block her on everything. She'll email you and let you know HER feelings.. FUCK RIGHT OFF luv.

Ginkypig · 28/09/2018 13:38

Iv just caught up on this thread.

I thought that it would be one of those sorry I was tired and overwhelmed last night are we ok type threads but nope it's a (for no reason I can see) friend apocalypse threads!

Either she is a massive twat or you've done something terrible because that's the only two reasons for her to still be behaving like that. You've not mentioned stabbing her puppy or something so that leaves twat