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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Holiday fall out

484 replies

Starleaf · 26/09/2018 18:32

Ok so I'm on holiday abroad with a friend and her two late teen children. It was my friends birthday yesterday, I packed birthday banners and ordered a cake and a bottle of fizz for her from the hotel. We went on a special day trip that I knew she wanted to do. Got back to hotel got ready for dinner and a night out, maybe a dance bar. All good so far. We had a lovely meal and decided to have a walk and find a bar. We passed several that were either showing football or boxing. Almost at the end of the strip we came to a place that was busy, playing music with people dancing. Just as we went in a song I love came on and I went to dance beckoning for my friend to follow. She didn't so when the song finished I went back to join her and asked if she'd like a drink. She said she didn't like the bar and was leaving.
I'll admit I wad pissed off at this point and walked out with my friend and kids following. I didn't walk fast but she hung back and the three of them stopped at a market, so I was on my own. I got back to our room (2 bed apt) and went to the bathroom. When I came out one of her kids was sleeping in her bed, and she'd gone to the other bedroom. I asked her why and she suddenly became very angry. She said as it was her birthday I should have done everything she wanted.
She has since told me she doesn't want anything more to do with me, I spoiled her birthday and that our friendship is finished.
I told her she was behaving immaturely. We haven't really spoken since, and they've now gone out for dinner leaving me in the room.
AIBU to think she'd had the whole day doing what she wanted, could she not have stayed at the bar for one drink, and has she over reacted?

OP posts:
Clutterbugsmum · 28/09/2018 20:22

I would let her send her email, and when she crawls back out from under her rock, because she has no one else to turn to. I would just send it back to her telling her you are taking her words as all that needs to be said. And never contact her again.

And as for her children it sounds like her elder daughter has the measure of her and does not condone her behaviour, where as the younger is very much like her.

BrisaOtonal · 28/09/2018 20:22

Blocking her sends her the message that you have drawn a line under and can't be arsed with her shit. Not engaging with a narcissist, not giving them a supply route, takes away their power.

Flameless · 28/09/2018 20:28

I'd block her now. I've recently been offloaded by a friend very similar to yours. She was a very negative, judgemental person who had nothing nice to say about anyone or anything. Her kids were also rude and nasty, treated my kids badly. I distanced myself which she hated. The freedom from the constant negativity was liberating. She caused no end of trouble over it in quite a public way and now ignores me. I see her at school each day and she's always bitching to someone else (probably about me). But I'm happier without her and you will be too. Draw a line under it now. Good luck.

shakeyourcaboose · 28/09/2018 20:35

Sounds awful experience Op, and to be away from home and your support network makes it even worse- although could this be her thought process to make it even worse and give her more 'power'? The pathetic display in the pool, (squeally loud fun!) makes me ponder this!

Starleaf · 28/09/2018 20:38

Feel a bit silly! I've tried but can't work out how to block e-mails. I have a Yahoo account, can anyone point me in the right direction please?
Thanks😊

OP posts:
Raven88 · 28/09/2018 20:49

Wow she sounds like a child, I would forget her, if she emails just ignore her. I don't see what you did wrong. I've been on holiday on my birthday and didn't expect the whole day to be about me because I'm an adult.

shakeyourcaboose · 28/09/2018 20:49

I think you'll have to 'open desktop settings' to do it on your mobile and should be able to get instructions from there?

justaguy · 28/09/2018 20:50

You can’t block emails. All you can do is have them go straight to spam or trash, but she won’t be aware that you’ve done that.

umizoomi · 28/09/2018 20:53

You will need to go to settings or the gear/cog wheel and then blocked addresses and type it in

CurlyWurlyTwirly · 28/09/2018 20:57

Even if she sends it, hit delete. It will drive her nuts having no response.
She sounds like a narcissist. If she doesn’t get positive attention
, negative attention is just as good.
The thing which will drive her crazy is having no attention p.
Don’t even speak to her at the baggage carousel.
If the older daughter comes to say bye; say bye to her.
Just go grey rock, and don’t even show ant emotion.
The fact that you’ve made a point of enjoying herself despite her behaviour will be gnawing away at her; hence wanting the last word ( email)

Lalliella · 28/09/2018 20:59

Let her send the email. It may give you some sort of closure to find out what this is all about. Then just send the laughing face emoji back. Or whichever emoji seems appropriate. Don’t then engage further.

ilooovechristmas · 28/09/2018 21:00

BiscuitBiscuitBiscuit

shakeyourcaboose · 28/09/2018 21:00

And the email is probably going to be some mahoosive guilt trip about some huge issue that she just couldn't tell you as it would ruin your hols- as she is caring like that, to then make you feel awful and apologize!!

TemptressofWaikiki · 28/09/2018 21:01

Mark her email address as spam. And just delete whatever comes through.

MortyVicar · 28/09/2018 21:02

I think I'd say - in my iciest voice - 'Send the email or not as you wish. But if you do I shall not be reading it. Our friendship is over and I have no wish to hear your opinion on anything whatsoever.' Then walk away with your head held high.

Cjngs · 28/09/2018 21:05

I hope you block her as that would infuriate her. She is probably thinking up what to email to upset you most so that she can continue her petty little drama. Imagine she hits send to find you've blocked her? That's closure for you while as annoying as hell for her. Sorry she ruined your holiday have a few nice things planned for yourself so you can move on.

MiddleClassProblem · 28/09/2018 21:10

Unfriending someone whilst you’re on holiday with them is hilarious. It’s seriously high school behaviour.

meercat23 · 28/09/2018 21:11

If you google block emails on Yahoo you will see the steps you need to block a specific address

Peachydream · 28/09/2018 21:18

Sorry this has happened to you, especially on holiday. Life is too short for this kind of crap!

You could set up rules on your emails, where ones from certain addresses get immediately forwarded on.

You could mark hers to be forwarded straight back to her, so every time she sent it, it would appear in her own inbox.

TeddybearBaby · 28/09/2018 21:21

HTH 💐

m.youtube.com/watch?v=KB0YEF8RWAc

Scrumymum · 28/09/2018 21:47

I was going to suggest the same Peachydream - either forward her message back to her email address - OR - reply to her email with what looks like a computer generated auto email saying her email address is blocked. Subject would have to say something like "Re: Message blocked" - and then a line of text above her returned message that says something like "Your email can not be delivered due to recipient blocking this email address". You would have to keep a close eye on your inbox to be able to send that back pretty pronto after she emails you though, that's the downside. I can imagine she would be livid that you got the last word on it. She sounds fucking mental and you are well rid. I feel sorry for her kids, at least you can get away from her.

MarthaArthur · 28/09/2018 21:51

Please block her op. Fromthe other perspective, i had a friend as a teen fall out and ghost me for absolutely no reason. I tried to reach out by emailing him and i got no response. I sent one more and it bounced back as i had been blocked. It really hurt at the time so imagine thats her trying to email you shit to blame you then offering a limp olive branch as long as you admit you are a shitty friend who ruined ger holiday. Imagine it bouncing back as she knows no one will read it. That hurts more than sending it and knowing its been read and not replied to.

Lollypop701 · 28/09/2018 21:52

Not worth the time. To exclude you in this way in another country, whilst having a lovely time herself. what explanation can she give you that would be ok?

cheesefield · 28/09/2018 22:01

She sounds mad as a box of frogs OP.

I'd usually say block the daft cunt, but I want to hear what her email says!

OP, you sound solid and reasonable. Once you're home I don't think you should bother yourself with her. She sounds rude and like she wants to suck you into her make believe dramas. Does she always have to be the centre of a drama?

AlpacaPicnic · 28/09/2018 22:06

I'd let her send her email, otherwise I'd be thing myself in knots wondering what it said. I'd also be very interested to know what happened at her previous birthday fallings out with her ex-friends...

But you must surely know at this stage you cannot win - there isn't going to be a tidy conclusion with apologies etc. She has decided in her mind that you are the big bad wolf and she'll convince herself over and over again that you were picking on her the whole time. This is the only way she can justify her behaviour to herself. I'm sorry that your holiday has ended like this and I hope you get through the flight with as much dignity as you are posting with.