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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Holiday fall out

484 replies

Starleaf · 26/09/2018 18:32

Ok so I'm on holiday abroad with a friend and her two late teen children. It was my friends birthday yesterday, I packed birthday banners and ordered a cake and a bottle of fizz for her from the hotel. We went on a special day trip that I knew she wanted to do. Got back to hotel got ready for dinner and a night out, maybe a dance bar. All good so far. We had a lovely meal and decided to have a walk and find a bar. We passed several that were either showing football or boxing. Almost at the end of the strip we came to a place that was busy, playing music with people dancing. Just as we went in a song I love came on and I went to dance beckoning for my friend to follow. She didn't so when the song finished I went back to join her and asked if she'd like a drink. She said she didn't like the bar and was leaving.
I'll admit I wad pissed off at this point and walked out with my friend and kids following. I didn't walk fast but she hung back and the three of them stopped at a market, so I was on my own. I got back to our room (2 bed apt) and went to the bathroom. When I came out one of her kids was sleeping in her bed, and she'd gone to the other bedroom. I asked her why and she suddenly became very angry. She said as it was her birthday I should have done everything she wanted.
She has since told me she doesn't want anything more to do with me, I spoiled her birthday and that our friendship is finished.
I told her she was behaving immaturely. We haven't really spoken since, and they've now gone out for dinner leaving me in the room.
AIBU to think she'd had the whole day doing what she wanted, could she not have stayed at the bar for one drink, and has she over reacted?

OP posts:
LoniceraJaponica · 28/09/2018 16:33

She has an odd family dynamic. I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of being able to email you with more nasty stuff. You can block email addresses as well as social media and phone numbers. Block the daughters as well.

Villanellesproudmum · 28/09/2018 16:41

Crikey sounds like there is no going back, not that maybe you would want to after this!

Maisymoo22 · 28/09/2018 17:54

I’d pack my things and pretend I was leaving the room but let them go first and when they’d gone I would enjoy the last few hours in peace and quiet until pick up time.

BrisaOtonal · 28/09/2018 18:07

she'll email me once home to let me know her feelings

Let me tell you something. Going on holiday in a foreign country and being excluded by a bully and her flying monkeys can't get much lower. She is a terrible friend. I bet when you get home the full force of how you have been treated will hit you. I bet right now you are keeping a lid on it and the adrenalin of being far from home and survival mode is keeping you sane.

Haven't you heard enough from her? Do you really have the strength for Vacation From Hell part 2, the email?

You need to keep your head held high till you get your baggage off the rotunda then go up to her and say "Don't ever contact me again. You are no friend. I don't need people like you in my life". Turn and walk, get home and BLOCK her at every angle. Her email will be you did this and that, spoilt my birthday blah blah and make you feel like crap and then she will thrown you a bone to be friends again until the next time she is lacking in entertainment and uses you as her whipping girl again.

Have some self respect and dump her sorry arse.

SteveMcGarrettsBudgieSmugglers · 28/09/2018 18:26

^^^^^^ what BrisaOtonal said, you absolutely need to say this

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/09/2018 18:30

Just reading your OP and your updates has made my heart hurt for you, @Starleaf - I was bullied by exclusion (and in other ways) from age 10 until I left secondary school, so I know how horrible it feels - and to have that happen to you when you are a long way from home, and left alone, is even worse.

I hope your real friends rally round you when you get home.

{{{hugs}}}

JessicaJonesJacket · 28/09/2018 19:08

I'd have to read the email to see what this was all about.

Starleaf · 28/09/2018 19:11

Hi all, I'm sitting on balcony munching on oregano crisps with a glass of wine listening to one of my play lists on Spotify, and I have a speaker so sounds good!
They've gone out for dinner. Eldest said goodbye so I also said goodbye to youngest. She ignored me.
Still not sure what to do regards this email friend will send. Do I let her send it or do I block her?
Face timed family earlier which gave me a boost. I'm so lucky to have a caring family. Can't wait to see them all!
Think they went to the beach today. They know I love the beach

OP posts:
Starleaf · 28/09/2018 19:16

Sorry almost dropped phone and must have pressed post trying to catch it!
Just want your views, should I block her email or let her send it and tell you all what she says?

OP posts:
LIZS · 28/09/2018 19:18

Let her send it, for closure. Why did you not wander down to the beach yourself?

Sparklyfee · 28/09/2018 19:18

Let her send it and tell us all! But that's just me being curious as to what her problem could possibly be

ContessasGulagSpaDay · 28/09/2018 19:21

Please let her send it or we you will die of curiosity!

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 28/09/2018 19:21

Personally I'd let her send it. It'll wind her up a whole lot more if you don't reply Grin

Topseyt · 28/09/2018 19:27

Let her send it or you will never have any answers. Then block her.

You know by now that she was never a real friend, so expect nothing from her after that and just rely on your family and other friends.

Knittedfairies · 28/09/2018 19:37

BrisaOtonal has the best response. You really don’t need her in your life, and chances are her email will blame you for everything.

HolyFuckNuggets · 28/09/2018 19:44

Ahh shit OP I would never go away with a friend again after my first and only holiday with friends ended up similar to yours. My best friend of 20+ years fell out with me on holiday and did that 'playing in the pool laughing' thing which yours has done and for some reason that really hurt me as it felt like a big 'fuck you I'm trying to make you feel shit' move. We patched it up before we came home but it was frosty as hell on the journey and we haven't been close since.

She did the same with our other friend on a holiday a few years later too.

Celp28 · 28/09/2018 19:44

I expect she won’t send an email. I think she said that to you to keep you dangling on a string. She has shown herself to be a spiteful bully and I think she is enjoying your discomfort and pain at the moment. The word narcissist springs to mind. She is playing with your feelings. She won’t send the email as you then have written proof of how nasty she is and she won’t want you to show others that. At this point it’s your word against hers that she’s treated you appallingly. You have my sympathy and respect for your handling of this horrible situation.

umizoomi · 28/09/2018 19:45

What a shitty experience

I would want the email but would also want to reply (which would probably be bad)

I would hate for her to have the last word

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/09/2018 19:55

Obviously a lot of people on mumsnet want to know what she has to say for herself.

But do you want to know why?

In theory the idea suggested by BrisaOtonal sounds fab. I would fear this gives her the opportunity to either say something back or ignore you thus giving you some kind of feeling that she got to say the last word. For me that wouldn’t give me closure.

Whereas if she writes all of her ire in an email and you read it or block her / delete it and don’t respond in any way, you are then in control.

Personally I wouldn’t want to give her the satisfaction in any shape or form that you are hurt by what she is doing. Going up to her after removing your luggage to me would fall in the realm of fantasy rather than reality.

The answer to why she treats you and many other people this way is because she can. You have allowed her to continue to be very much of her life. In so doing you have permitted her to believe her behaviour to other people is acceptable.

Unfortunately you have learnt a very difficult lesson. She doesn’t think you’re special or different from all of the other friends she fell out with in the past. The people, who she treated badly may well have thought the same as you did. Perhaps she also told them they were her rock and she couldn’t live without them or some such bs.

heachybed · 28/09/2018 19:55

If you let her send the email you will get drawn in because you will want to answer it.

Is there anything she can justifiably say to you now? Are you interested?

I'd block and be done tbh. Enjoy your last day of sun tomorrow

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/09/2018 19:56

umizoomi
I consider not responding having the last word actually. Not saying something is far more powerful.

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/09/2018 19:58

Oops I made a mistake in my second to last paragraph. It should read
You have allowed her to continue to be very much a part of your life. In so doing you have permitted her to believe her behaviour to other people is acceptable.

BrisaOtonal · 28/09/2018 20:09

If you let her send you that email she will have the last word. If you block her you will have the last laugh.

WillowKnicks · 28/09/2018 20:13

BrisaOtonal has the perfect response.

She will be expecting you to rush home & check your emails the minute you walk through the door...DO NOT GIVE HER THAT POWER!

Many years ago, someone ghosted me, very suddenly & I was bewildered. My Mum put it in total context when she said "You've obviously done something to offend her but whatever it is, it doesn't justify this reaction". I'd driven myself mad, working out what I'd done/said & then realised, she was at fault by her reaction, not me!

Pimmsypimms · 28/09/2018 20:18

I wouldn’t let her send the email As chances are she’ll block you once she’s sent it and you won’t get to have your say. I’d block her on everything. What could she really say that would change anything? She’s a total bitch, you don’t need that drama in your life, it’s draining!! Flowers