To think this is odd

[Cobblersandhogwash]

Is this odd?

So we know this couple from our ds's school. Good fun. Socialised with them four or five times. I like them.

The man's dad died recently. Funeral is today and over 100 miles away. DH is going. He decided today. He doesn’t know the dead man and barely knows the man in the couple. Just had four or five social albeit very enjoyable social occasions with them and other people there.

It’s also a work day.

I just think the card and flowers is enough. We aren't at all close but we like them. I know them better than dh as I do the school runs.

It's odd, right?

Seems totally unnecessary and honestly a bit weird to attend.

Is he trying to be a supportive friend but slightly misfiring?

In Ireland, no, not particularly odd at all. In the context of what I observe about funerals in general in the UK, yes, unusual to travel to attend an acquaintance's parent's funeral.

Well maybe he is trying to be supportive but 1. he barely knows the bloke and 2. Another friend of ours that he knows much better lost her dad recently and there was barely anything from dh on this.

I am a bit embarrassed.

Why on earth be embarrassed? He's doing a nice thing.

I'd be embarressed too.

It is odd to attend a funeral of someone you had nothing to do with.

Normal in Ireland.

@redglitter, because he's taken a day off work for this and he doesn't really know the bereaved man. It's a 2 hour drive each way.

Embarrassing, intrusive, a social misfire.

Does he want to spend extra time with either one of the couple, winkle himself further info their lives at a vulnerable time?

Does he get sparkly around the woman? Or the man..?

I think it’s odd, yes. I could see him going even if he didn’t know the father, if it was to support his friend, but he barely knows him? Odd.

Maybe it's a regional thing. I stay in the West of Scotland and going to a funeral of the parent of a colleague or acquaintance is quite normal. You go to support the family the fact you never met the deceased doesn't matter.

I had several colleagues & acquaintances attend my Dad's funeral. They didn't know him but went for me.

I suppose it just depends what your used to

I would think it less odd if it wasn't 100 miles away.

And it will mean something to the man who has lost his Dad to see that effort made for him.

I never understood this practice but now staring down the barrel of the gun with my parents getting old I get it. I would now travel to show my face for people I wouldn’t have even considered before. It’s a huge loss for people and makes me feel sad. I want people to know that I care what’s happened to their loved one. But yes, it’s more about me understanding how awful the loss of someone is and being scared for when it’s my turn to lose someone. So now I want to show recognition of the huge thing it is even to people who aren’t close friends.

Is he actually going to the funeral, or is this an excuse for him gallivanting off today without you knowledge?

Very odd. Is he really going there?

Has he got a crush on the wife? It does sound OTT.

Yes. I think he really likes the man and wants to develop a friendship with him. That's endearing in itself but I think the man will think this particular gesture odd.

Or maybe it is really the woman in the couple he likes!! But it would be an even odder thing to do then.

I guess I am grumpy about it because I'm not 100% well at moment nor is ds1 who is home from school. And if he's going to take a bloody day off it should be to look after us!

I'm with you Cobblersandhogwash. I thinks its odd.

I presume DH can't get compassionate leave for this so must be taking annual leave? If it were a family, part of your community, perhaps it would make sense but to travel 100 miles

In my view funerals are to pay respects and say 'goodbye' to the person who has died. Meeting people from the various parts of the loved one's life is lovely too. You find out different elements of them that you maybe didn't know. I would find it quite upsetting if a stranger, who didn't know the person in life turned up at the funeral of someone I was close to.

I don’t think it’s particularly unusual in itself to attend the funeral of a friend or acquaintances parent.

The funeral being 100 miles away makes it a bit more odd though.

I wouldn't want my colleagues at my parents' funerals

If they are kind enough to care, then there are other, more personal ways to offer support.

Wow, funerals are very different in GB.

Maybe it's a regional thing. I stay in the West of Scotland and going to a funeral of the parent of a colleague or acquaintance is quite normal. You go to support the family the fact you never met the deceased doesn't matter.

This

Taking a day's leave to drive 100 miles for more of an acquaintance than close friend's parent's funeral seems odd to me.

Is he definitely going to the funeral only or could he be stopping off somewhere else on the way there or back as well?

expect those social invites to dry up...

I don’t think it’s particularly unusual in itself to attend the funeral of a friend or acquaintances parent.

Acquaintances' parents? How on earth would you get time off work to attend all these funerals? And if you didn't go to everyone how do you decide which friend or aquaintance to ignore?

There are clearly 2 very different schools of thought on ths one. How interesting.