To think this is odd

[Cobblersandhogwash]

Is this odd?

So we know this couple from our ds's school. Good fun. Socialised with them four or five times. I like them.

The man's dad died recently. Funeral is today and over 100 miles away. DH is going. He decided today. He doesn’t know the dead man and barely knows the man in the couple. Just had four or five social albeit very enjoyable social occasions with them and other people there.

It’s also a work day.

I just think the card and flowers is enough. We aren't at all close but we like them. I know them better than dh as I do the school runs.

It's odd, right?

Bet there's something going on at work that he wanted to avoid. Or maybe just some 'me time'? Has he seemed stressed recently OP?

"I agree with those who have said this would be normal and correct in Ireland. "

Even to the point of a day off work & 200mile round trip?

Wrt my affair theory of him seeing someone else on the way there or back, in my defence I do acknowledge it's most likely MN induced paranoia though!

Even to the point of a day off work & 200mile round trip?

If it was the parent of a friend, definitely. But in this case I suppose not, actually - if they don't know each other well enough to exchange numbers etc.

Very odd. He must have been thinking about this beforehand so why hadn't he discussed it with you? Or even asked you if you wanted to go?

Can everyone stop banging on about whether they are Irish or whether this would be normal for someone is Ireland. Neither OP's DH or the dead man is Irish or based in Ireland so what happens in Ireland is completely irrelevant.

Did he get all of that from them this morning (by text/e-mail) on the morning of the bloke's dad's funeral, arrange a day off, change into his funeral gear and leave the house by the end of your school run?

This is the bit I can't get my head around. He rang/texted someone on the morning of the father/fil's funeral to get directions? A bit socially/emotionally tone deaf and clunky.

And I have a big Irish branch of my family. Lots of MNers do, but no matter how many times people say how it would be in Ireland/what your Irish grandma's funeral was like, the OP's DH STILL isn't Irish

He's Jewish and that could indeed be informing his reaction to the ending of a life though, but if he's never expressed any need to do something similar in the past, then that seems less likely as well.

I only mentioned that I was Irish because a pp hester asked about Ireland and Spain, perhaps other posters were replying to her too? And it didn't say in the original post what country op lives in.

x-post with FunSponges

Has he contacted you today at all OP?

Fair point funsponge I suppose it was just to illustrate that there are different cultural perspectives. OPs DH is Jewish, it seems, so it would be good to hear more from that cultural/religious perspective.

X post with everyone!

Scotland its Totally normal to go to funerals for people you didn't know. It's to show support for the living and Vann really boost people....especially when it's sometime elderly who no longer has many friends/ family left.

I didn't realise this wasn't a thing until my English dh was incredulous that I'd go to a friend's father's funeral

Deeply inappropriate. At my grandma's funeral, there was a guest clearly there for a day out as he had only the smallest connection to the family. I was fuming! Granted I was a teenager but I felt like my grief and tears were mere entertainment to this onlooker.
I missed the Irish connection but I'll join in aswell: I'm from a large Irish family.

Even to the point of a day off work & 200mile round trip?

Not for an acquaintance, no. Not usual. Even in Ireland where you'll always get some yoke who loves a funeral and will go to anyone's if they have the slightest tenuous connection to the deceased or surviving family. In a case where you barely know them and /or you are 100 miles away you'd usually send a card.

It's common here though for local politicians to attend funerals- it's an excellent opportunity to press flesh and to network their constituents so I wonder is he going because he thinks that the funeral will be attended by other business contacts that might be useful to him to know?

Is it possible that the "it's a Jewish thing" is legit and he had a reason why he couldn't attend the previous friends' family funeral? I'm saying that it could be a cultural norm for him, but could also be the case that just because it's a norm doesn't mean he'd do it every single time. Maybe he feels guilty that he didn't attend the last one and is making a special effort this time.

I would be very touched by seeing any friend attending my parents' funeral (I say that having buried both of mine) and that support means a lot. However, I am not English and in my cultural background it's quite normal to attend funerals for co-workers' and friends' parents.

Where I am it's quite common you go to support the person you know rather than the person who died.

Even if it was 2 hours away and you didnt know them very well? (To the point you didnt even have contact details for them?)

As an aside can I ask why, if you’re unwell, why did you do the school run? If one of your D.C was off too then normally the poorly parent stays with them?

Can everyone stop banging on about whether they are Irish or whether this would be normal for someone is Ireland. Neither OP's DH or the dead man is Irish or based in Ireland so what happens in Ireland is completely irrelevant.

It's opened out into a general discussion of funeral etiquette, FunSponges. Feel very free to skip posts that don't suit your personal definition of relevant.

Are you Irish?

Yes I asked a more general question earlier because the differences in responses really fascinated me and the posters who were expressing a very different perspective from mine had said they were Irish and Spanish at that point in the thread.
It is clearly a cultural minefield (aside from the specifics of the OP).

I would absolutely go to the funeral of someone I met a few times. I'm Irish, and would probably go to their parents funeral too.

Maybe your husband really liked the man and is of a similar age and wants to go and pay his respects.

Yes, it seems extreme to go all that way for someone he didn't even know. I'm in England, and I've only ever attended a funeral that distance away for my late uncle. That was because he was a lovely man, he'd never married or had children, and all he had were nephews and nieces.

I agree your husband should have either gone to work or had the day off to be at home with you

@QueenArseClangers, I have a rotten ear infection. It's been a month now. Not 💯 % at the moment. Not ill but under the weather.

Dh was at home with ds1 who has inflamed tonsils whilst I took the other dcs to school.

Funny how I had to explain myself for doing the school run.

Anyway, I got a text from the woman saying it was very good of dh to come and it meant a lot of her husband.

Dh is on his way home now. I might ask him how many days annual leave he has and what we should do in the event of other funerals.