To think this is odd

[Cobblersandhogwash]

Is this odd?

So we know this couple from our ds's school. Good fun. Socialised with them four or five times. I like them.

The man's dad died recently. Funeral is today and over 100 miles away. DH is going. He decided today. He doesn’t know the dead man and barely knows the man in the couple. Just had four or five social albeit very enjoyable social occasions with them and other people there.

It’s also a work day.

I just think the card and flowers is enough. We aren't at all close but we like them. I know them better than dh as I do the school runs.

It's odd, right?

I did ask him why. I said it was odd. He dismissed that and said it was a Jewish thing. And then took my blardy car cos it's electric.

Wouldnt it have been a 'jewish thing' to go to your other friend's parent's funeral though OP?

Did you ask why this funeral but not the other bereaved friend's? Have there been other funerals of similar connection?

"And that it's irrelevant that he doesn't know them that well. He was being supportive."

So who else has he done this for?

He was lucky to get a day off work at such short notice!

he cannot pull that' "jewish thing" stunt given that he could not be arsed to go to the other funeral of a friend's parent

this is very fishy OP, very fishy indeed.

I think it's odd and a bit of a waste of a day's holiday.

Yeah I am Irish and when I read the post my first reaction was it would be bad form if he didn't go. Clearly in the minority here... 😂

I’m mixed on this. Without reading the whole thread my initial thoughts are that it might be a bit ott but perhaps he feels he didn’t do enough when another friend lost their parent recently and is trying to go the other way this time? Have none of you ever gone to a funeral to support someone else? I went with dh to a school friend of his who died. I’d met him twice. I was shocked as he was young but I went for my dh. I lost my dad at a young age and several people I would not have imagined going made the effort to support me and my family. I don’t understand why this is weird.
I’m also staggered by the jump to the conclusion that ops dh must be trying to get closer to the other couple - but that’s mumsnet I guess - instant guilt of an affair is always assumed first!

I’m in England and have attended the funeral of friends parents (some met / some not) around 10 times. All my social group do - we’re there to offer support to our friend.

I’ve also gone with groups from work to attend the funerals of colleagues parents.

Doesn’t seem odd to me in the slightest.

Opensesame1 would you take a days annual leave and drive 100 miles for it though?

But its the 2 hour journey there and 2 hour journey back which is the odd bit, not the going to support someone bit

I wonder if he’d said he’d go before he knew how far it was? Then he couldn’t really say, “nah, too far for me.”

LuckyMe we’ve done that. Hasn’t felt odd to me / my friends.

Im in West Wales and if someone from my childs school I'd socialised with a couple of times told me their parent had died and the funeral was in Bath or North Devon for example it wouldnt cross my mind to go. And they wouldnt expect me to! Its a really long way to go to support someone you dont really know

single fair play to you then.

I'm Irish.

I lost a family member last year.

Her wake was so massive we had to arrange a field as a car park and organise a marquee for outside the house.

You can then imagine the number of or me outside the church on the day of her funeral.

I had a friend flew over from Scotland, ones who drove across Ireland, old school teachers and acquaintances of her remaining family filled every room in her house.

I feel it was a lovely gesture of your dh to attend the funeral.

FWIW I still remember those who didn't attend the wake, funeral or send a card and I feel differently about them.

And at the risk of getting flamed I have recently found those outside of Ireland to be very cold when it comes to death and funerals. When my family member was sick I took time off work- they paid me. When she died my boss and my colleagues attended the funeral and all were made more than welcome. They were there for me, not my family member.

I agree with those who have said this would be normal and correct in Ireland. You show up as a gesture of respect for the deceased and the family.

I realise every country has its own customs, but I find the Mumsnet preference for private funerals a bit bleak. I also don't think it applies universally, because where I live in East London funerals can be big and very community based (white, black or Asian).

But they're not friends. OP says that.

He didn't even have their email or phone numbers.

Maybe it's a regional thing. I stay in the West of Scotland and going to a funeral of the parent of a colleague or acquaintance is quite normal. You go to support the family the fact you never met the deceased doesn't matter

This is my (Irish family) experience: funerals are for the living, to remember, respect, celebrate their life and support the family and friends.

If we went to every funeral of every acquaintance/family of acquaintance, it would use all of DH’s annual leave.

he's not friends....four or five social meetings, with other people present did not even have contact details

acquaintances at best!

OP can you have a look on the laptop or anywhere to see if he got any reply from his early morning enquiries? Tbh I'd have thought the couple would have enough on their plates on the morning of a parent's funeral than to give directions to some virtual stranger.

Had you discussed it beforehand OP? Along the lines of 'Bob's dad's funeral is next Wednesday should we go do you think?'. 'Where is it?' 'Brighton i think' 'Ooh that's a long way away isnt it. You're working anyway arent you?' Etc
Even more odd i think if this literally came from nowhere on the morning of the funeral with a 2 hour drive to get there and only this morning is he messaging the couple to find out where it is and arranging his leave

I'm Irish and I think it's odd, maybe odd is the wrong word, unnecessary maybe.

People saying it's common in Ireland I disagree, it's normal in Ireland to go to the removal of your neighbours third cousin once removed IF it's the removal and you are off work, its not normal to go to a buriel of anyone unless you are very close to a family member and even at that you'd want to be super close to actually take time off work.

Op's husband doesn't know the family well enough, I mean it's not a bad thing, just unnecessary imo