To think this is odd

[Cobblersandhogwash]

Is this odd?

So we know this couple from our ds's school. Good fun. Socialised with them four or five times. I like them.

The man's dad died recently. Funeral is today and over 100 miles away. DH is going. He decided today. He doesn’t know the dead man and barely knows the man in the couple. Just had four or five social albeit very enjoyable social occasions with them and other people there.

It’s also a work day.

I just think the card and flowers is enough. We aren't at all close but we like them. I know them better than dh as I do the school runs.

It's odd, right?

@Cobblersandhogwash was the dad ill? Maybe the husband spoke to your husband about it......

No one will think it’s odd so don’t be embarrassed. The last thing you give a shit about when you’re burying a parent is why your sons dad has come, trust me on that 😊

Probably makes sense as to why it’s more common in Ireland to go to an acquaintance funeral than in England then. It would involve a day off work (annual leave as you wouldn’t get compassionate leave for an acquaintance) here generally.

*sons friends dad I meant

I’m from the West of Scotland and I’ve never known of anyone to go to a colleagues parents funeral.

Weird!!!

If it's odd in the context of how your friends, acquaintances and family respond to funerals, it's not really important whether it would be seen as normal by others.

Would he normally be at work on the day of the funeral? Could he be using it as a way to avoid something unpleasant at work?

@TeddybearBaby you're right. Perhaps they will be touched if they even notice.

@soydora it does in fairness, I would seldom if ever go to anything but the evening part, it’s much easier to go when it doesn’t involve a day off work. It would have to be family really

I don't think it's odd (am also in Scotland though).

I agree with teddybear. Apart from immediate family I don’t think I could tell you who was at my close family member’s funeral. If I’d noticed an acquaintance there I’d think it was nice of them to come rather than anything negative.

If the funeral was local I would think it a nice gesture. But travelling 100 miles is a bit odd.

I think it's a bit odd as it is so far away. He must have had a chat with them though to find out exactly where the funeral is in that town. If I knew a funeral was taking place in a town 100 miles away I would have to have precise details as to where that was. He must feel closer to them than you do through the socialising you have done. Perhaps he's in more contact with his new friend than you were aware of?

I think it's a bit weird. He's only met this bloke four or five times and he's going to his father's funeral 100 miles away? Has he done this before for people he doesn't really know?

I don't think it's anything sinister, but it's just a bit odd. Harmless though, I suppose, although weird that he would take a day off work. I'd think it might be a socially awkward if he hangs around for the wake, etc!

I'd like to add too that I'm Scottish, from west but now living in east, and I still think it's strange. So I don't think it's quite as simple as saying 'Oh that's just how we do things in Scotland/Ireland/blah blah.' As quite clearly it isn't like that for everyone!

If it had been a good friend's father, or if it had been a couple of miles away, then sure. But a 200-mile round trip for someone's dad who you've never met, and you've only met the guy himself four of five times? It seems excessive to me!

It’s odd. I would suspect he has the hots for the wife (or the bloke??!!) and would guess that’s how they would interpret too.
Sorry if it’s not what you want to hear.

In Ireland, it's perfectly normal. I have been to many funeral's where I don't know the deceased. Can't imagine that anyone would be annoyed he is there.

For those asking how Irish people get enough time off to go to all the funerals, the funerals are generally in 2 parts. The removal is usually on in the evening from 5ish to 7 or 8ish and then the internment is the following morning. Most people would just go to the removal.

In a small town, where the dead person or their family was well-known, it's not unusual for shops and businesses to shut for the funeral, too, so employees can attend.

And also, it's mostly fairly casual, whether the removal is at home or at a funeral home as a culture, I don't think we do the 'What do I wear to a funeral?' thing. It's certainly not all black formal wear. You could nip into a removal on your way home from work, condole with the family, and go on your way and it would only be a lengthy time commitment if there were a lot of people trying to do the same thing. (It's not unusual, in rural Ireland especially, to see a long queue of people snaking in one door of the funeral home and out the other onto the street.)

It's probably also because frequent funeral-going is quite normal, so the average Irish person has gone to far more funerals than the average English person by, say the age of 40, hence it just being less of a big deal.

Cheeeis would you make a 200 mile round trip for one though? I've been to funerals where I didn't know the deceased either (usually a work colleague's parent) but if it was 100 miles away I would send my sympathies. I would travel that far for a close friend's parent though which makes me think that the OP's DH considers them closer friends than the OP does

Agree with Valenta - it's nothing to do with the family, he's just looking for an excuse to get off work for the day. I had a colleague who did exactly this, except it was more local. She was the sort of person who would take any sliver of an excuse to get off work. It's odd and embarrassing to use someone else's misfortune for your own ends. The OP's DH can't be supportive to the family - he doesn't know them. He can't chat to them about their beloved deceased relative - he didn't know him.

The only alternative explanation that I can see is that he has completely misunderstood the nature of your joint relationship with these people - he thinks that because you've had a few fun nights out, you're now good friends. Which is socially inept.

Just a thought OP (sorry if it's already been mentioned) but are a few of the others from the socialising group also going? Perhaps it is something they have discussed between themselves?

But OP says that her DH had to ask her this morning for the dh's email and the dw's phone number Luckyme2 which doesn't back up the idea that OP's dh is closer than she is. Odd ...

Ah sorry I missed that bit.
Yes very odd then.

It’s odd. I would suspect he has the hots for the wife (or the bloke??!!) and would guess that’s how they would interpret too.

There’s absolutlely no way that that would even cross my mind it an acquaintance was at one of my family member’s funerals. Most people are not that self absorbed and would have much more on their mind that an acquaintance!

How does he know exactly where it is in that town though? I went to a close friend's parent's funeral once and had to have detailed directions to the Church as I was unfamiliar with the area. Did he get all of that from them this morning (by text/e-mail) on the morning of the bloke's dad's funeral, arrange a day off, change into his funeral gear and leave the house by the end of your school run? I suspect he had already decided he was going before this morning OP!

How odd! Unless there’s some cultural difference at play - I’m Jewish, for example, and you’d fully expect your coworkers to call in at our equivalent of a wake - I’m a bit baffled. Did you suggest to him that maybe it wasn’t a good idea?