To insist that it's 'What the fuck... ?'

[villainousbroodmare]

... not 'What the chuff... ?' 'What the jeff... ?' (!) nor any other toecurlingly twee synonym. If you can't say 'fuck' for some reason, 'What on earth... ?' is quite acceptable. Done.

I like fuck. I do like to use proper grammar though. My sailor dad's Hell's Bells and Buckets of Blood does have a nice roll to it as well.

I have no strong opinions on swearing, I swear probably an average amount. Less since I've had young kids I suppose.

But WIllow was right that there's a strange thing on mumsnet where people get all excited and show-offy about how much they swear. It is weird and kind of juvenile.

And Gorgon, your posts have been disgusting.

You are most welcome @RickOShay

@hayleyfx I bloody love that programme. Makes me actually weep with laughter

@LuckyLuckyLuckyMe

Ah yes I've heard that one alright

Usually fuck too in my house (or worse on occasion)

Isn’t it just ‘dafuq’ nowadays?

Can't believe no-one has posted this yet .

Someone actually stopping for a local pedestrian crossing caused my daughter to crow "He not a cock" the other day. She's 2.

@TooManyPaws I want that fucking mug!

@Placebogirl

That's fucking brilliant

You are all wrong! As all the cool dads know...wtf is...”why the face”

Hahaha - love Phil

My mum always said 'What the chuff' because back in those days, it was rare to hear women say Fuck. In fact, I never heard that word until I was about 15!

I can't bear it when people just go "the fuck?" - completely loses the full impact of "WHAT the fuck?" Come on now, don't be lazy, say it properly!

(Four Weddings and a Funeral) Just the best start to any film.

When I first saw that film it was on a plane and they'd dubbed it. So all the fucks at the beginning were buggers and, having since seen the "real" version, bugger was actually much much funnier (I know, I surprise myself!).

But not in real life, oh no. A bugger is never as good as a fuck.

Erm i assume none of you have young kids who might start gleefully exclaiming 'fuck' at school? I do, hence why i substitute 'fiddlesticks, blooming heck etc'

@GorgonLondon You ought to put a health warning on any post that refers to a "cheeky Nando's" . Is this how some people feel about a sweary post, I wonder?

A friend of mine always says "What the beep?"

'Well fuck me with a fishfork.' Love that. Love the word 'fuck', so darn useful.

Plus 'cunty McCunt face'.

'Oh wankstains' is another.

All used liberally here, and mostly thanks to Viz

Fuck is such a great word. It can not be adequately substituted. Unless in front of very young children there is one need for twee substitutes. In fact they are just really fucking annoying 😁

I don't like twee euphemisms much, but do like to refer to people 'effing and jeffing' in a Welsh (uncle Bryn) accent.

I swear in front of my DC all the time. The eldest (10) has tried out a few swear words at home but just gets a bored 'It would be hypocritical of me to tell you off for swearing but you'll get in trouble at school if you say that and the teachers hear'. Hasn't bothered trying to shock me again .

Anyway I love the word fuck, it's my favourite swearword. Thankfully my work is quite sweary but even so I have a reputation for teaching people swearwords. I blame MN! Fuck me with a fishfork might have to be tried out tomorrow.

My mother always told me swearing indicated low intelligence so when I passed my viva I called her and said, "I've passed the fucking PhD!" She said I wasn't funny but it still makes me laugh.

My kids say "what the flip?" DH overheard and asked them what they said. DSS2 explained it was like saying fuck as though DH very very stupid. Somehow, I was at fault for pissing myself laughing at that.

DH was also unimpressed when I told the kids they mustn't swear because it'd get them in trouble and some people got upset about it (as opposed to just being wrong). Like when DS sweetly asked DH if the person who cut him up on the road and made him mutter was a fucking cunt. Somehow that was also my fault which seems hugely unfair when I'm a very nice driver

I have a son with ASD. He knows swearing is Not Permitted (tm) so will incredulously shout “what the WHAT now?!” as needed. It’s starting to spread, as his younger sibling has taken to muttering it too.

I personally prefer “what the ever loving fuck?”