To insist that it's 'What the fuck... ?'

[villainousbroodmare]

... not 'What the chuff... ?' 'What the jeff... ?' (!) nor any other toecurlingly twee synonym. If you can't say 'fuck' for some reason, 'What on earth... ?' is quite acceptable. Done.

I absolutely loathe 'What the chuff'. Chuff....shudder. It makes me cringe.

RickOShay

Re 'Shitting hell' it makes me think of the dad in Friday Night Dinner who basically says 'shitting' everything. 'Shitting tits' was my special fave...

I find 'you fucking wanker' a very satisfying swear to inanimate objects that are fucking about in an inappropriate way.

Also wankerbastard is a good swear.

I do need to stop the swears tho. Ds is a very good mimic.

Oh thanks for that Athena, I can extend my reportoire now

I am a fan of 'what the actual' no fuck at the end naughty me. I am also partial to a Richard Ayoade (sp?) style 'what the funk'

But normally it's just 'fucking what?!'

I love swearing. I genuinely think it's a fine and perfect way to express oneself!

Someone in DS’ school has taught him, “Oh for FUDGECAKES!” He says it, furiously, when his Lego falls apart.

He definitely didn’t get that from his fucking parents.

I wonder if it's a thing going around school as 4yo also says "oh for fudgecakes". Only trouble is that he's under SALT as his pronunciation is poor so what it actually sounds like is "oh for FUCKS SAKE!"

He's truly his mother's child.

I definitely use “‘what the fuck?” but I tend to go with “what in the name of ARSE....”
I can’t remember where I picked it up from but it seems to work in most situations and even my mother can cope with it.....

On the kids repeating swearing thing - I've got a bad cough at the moment and whilst pyjama-ing my 2.5 year old, I had a coughing fit and shouted to oh 'I'm pissing myself!!'

Cue 2.5 year old "are you pissing yourself mummy? Mummy? Mummy, are you pissing yourself??" Whoops...

Yes. One that was quite popular during the years of yuppydom was, "Shoot", instead of shit.

No need to say any of them really. 'What on earth...' is quite enough.

that reminds me of ds’s ‘motherfudger!

What about "What the ACTUAL fuck?" is that ok?

That is even more twee than the awful phrases in the OP.

It's up there with:

• a cheeky Nando's
• bwahahahahahah / mwahahahahahah
• wankpuffin
• howling

All phrases that make the speaker/writer sound like a total cunt.

Here it's "what the holy fuckbiscuits".
I

I use fuck waaay more than i should in day to day speaking... bff is always telling me off but it just flows so nicely haha

DS, who is 3, has a bad case of the Sean Connerys in terms of pronunciation. He likes to welcome visitors by patting a sofa cushion invitingly and telling them to shit down.

Melonfarmers, the lot of them. Fuck is fuck is fuck. I love letting rip with a good fuck.

That said, I'm quite partial to 'what the mascara arse?' Nicked it off Fry & Laurie years ago, there's something very satisfying about a mascara arse. Say it. Go on. Mascara arse.

GorgonLondon What’s wrong with wankpuffin?! That’s a great word.

I get all my favourites swearwords from this Daily Mash article: www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/paper-cut-sparks-new-swear-words-201109304371

Definetly a what the actual fuck person.
Sometimes, it's a "in the name of fuck?".
I swear to fuck is a favourite too.

I quite enjoy 'shit on it', à la Martin off Friday Night Dinner. See also 'shitting hell' and 'shit on the bloody thing'.

@Dioskouri GorgonLondon What’s wrong with wankpuffin?! That’s a great word.

Well, I think I gave my opinion fairly concisely in my previous post, but if it needs further explanation... it's one of those words that people think makes them sound incredibly witty and 'random', but actually makes them sound like a massive cunt.

I actually think you are BU for believing you really need to use that word.

The phrase is entirely adequate said simply as "THE FUCK?!?!?!"

Can I use “frell” a la Farscape? How about feck like on father ted?

What the shit sucking mother fucking hell is a personal fav of mine.

I hate the f word and never use it.

I used chuff on here just a few days ago.

It was the Christmas topic! I can’t be fucking in there.