To insist that it's 'What the fuck... ?'

[villainousbroodmare]

... not 'What the chuff... ?' 'What the jeff... ?' (!) nor any other toecurlingly twee synonym. If you can't say 'fuck' for some reason, 'What on earth... ?' is quite acceptable. Done.

Also, love that a chuff is a penguins fluffy bit!

You're alright thanks willow. I don't do friendships.

Don't forget the donkey Princess 😉

Hurt .... so so hurt.

The word chuff has n a thread made me laugh earlier. Don’t know why.

Now I like a good fuck as much as the next woman, but I might get be incorporating the odd chuff into my vocabulary now.
Happy days.

Hey, i said sorry. Surely that means you aren't allowed to be hurt?

I'm having a really hard time not swearing in front of my teenager. I'm not sure if their size means I think I'm among adults... I'm very much" do as i say not as i do " at the moment...

I told him off the other day for saying "Jesus diseases" as an expletive, because his closest friends are all from very devout families... only to find out that one of them had said it!

I always thought "jeffing" was a way of avoiding Jesus as a swear word....

I swear more and more as I mature. Much like cheddar cheese I can be complex, but invariably you just need some saltiness...

"What the flip? This is a motherflipping disgrace. Get this flipping shit-tip sorted, you lazy flipper."

I feel this lacks the gravitas of a fuckloaded outburst. My children would laugh at me.

You did Royal and your sorry is appreciated. But, for just a little while, I thought we had something special. I understand, of course, if you'd rather not be friends.

I just don't think i can be friends with some cunt who doesnt swear.

Really? I could learn.

I thought you wanted us to grow up? Make your fucking mind up will ya?!

YANBU.

Why fuck about with the lovely "fuck"?
If it's too big for you try "gosh" or something.
I've somehow got into the habit of saying "fucksticks". It's very satisfying.

I love "Fucking Bennett"!

Btw, if you need sources, as well journal papers, I found this summary in the Sun

"It’s believed swearing increases circulation and releases endorphins – making you feel happier.

While it also allows you to communicate exactly how you feel about something as you feel more able to be honest.

By swearing, a person can express fury, loathing or pain, without the threat of the argument turning physical".

HTH Willow - probably better for you than all that suppressed-ness

I am well known for not being able to make my mind up.

I've been trying to book a holiday for almost a month - any ideas?

I don't think you can learn, Willow. I think you should find a more suitable forum for your cuntiness.

@"LuckyLuckyLuckyme*

What is this donkey of which you speak?

I do have some ideas for your holiday but they might get me banned, and in the immortal words of Sharon Watts, you're not worf it.

I think willow needs to fuck off to nethuns...it's less sweary. May be just the break youre looking for.

The one carrying Mary of course 😄

I don't think I'm a proper MNer because I can't say or even type the C word. I do know how to spell it of course i just hate the word.

However I do love a good fuck, figuratively speaking of course.
My favourite is " I don't give a flying fuck "
Do fucks even fly? They do in my house.

Also like " head fuck " and " fucks sake "
Said for no particular reason.
My autocorrect also tries to change mine to Duck.

The funniest insult I've ever had was being called a "sheep shagger" by my brother as a teen. He had heard it on a programme and thought it was appropriate for me. Bearing in mind we live in Liverpool where the nearest sheep is in North Wales it was quite funny.

Gorgon you are being deliberately nasty to me. I fail to understand why as I have not been personally nasty to anybody on this thread. Can you explain why you feel the need to be that way with me? Is there something missing in your life that means you have a need to belittle an innocent person who dares to express an opinion on a thread that is open to all Mumsnet members? Do you actually feel a little bit guilty about your overuse of profane language?

Anyway, who's Sharon Watts?

Zoflorabore

Cunt is possibly my favourite.
I do love the phrase "go take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut" though.
I guess fucks do fly...there's enough evidence on sayings that they do

Awkward incident whilst in Poland a few years ago

Swore very loudly (in Polish) as I got into the car, translated roughly as fucking motherfucking cunt so I'm told...turned round to find OH's friend's elderly MIL in the back of the car
I laughed it off with a casual wave as you do

OP yadnbu

I hate chuff unless in the context of an actual chuff, such as 'up the chuff' or 'ooh me chuff hurts' etc

I don't like chuff but I do like a well-placed Jeff...For most situations a straight up fuck is what's required though. I never use, type or say the C word.

DS calls his Lego 'you fricken thing!' when it's not playing ball which makes me giggle

I'm super-educated and hold down a very serious job, yet also childish, I admit...