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To wonder who buys this shite?!

165 replies

Tryingtoswallow101 · 25/09/2018 19:50

Gwyneth Paltrow has opened a store for her Goop shite...

The £145 necklace vibrator has obviously shot straight to the number one spot of my Christmas list.

And also the pube oil - I can just image DH’s face if he walked in as I was oiling my pubes Grin

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treaclesoda · 25/09/2018 21:59

When Chris Martin and Gwynnie separated, dh thought that she has got bored of his perpetual moaning whereas I felt that he had probably got bored of her tofu and mung beans.

Now that I know about her foof balance obsession, I know that I was right.


SecretWitch · 25/09/2018 22:00

I fucking hate the message she sends with all her vaginal steaming, pube oil, crystal up the yoni nonsense. Really, Gwenyth, your vagina does not need all that attention! Leave it alone and let it carry on with business


BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 25/09/2018 22:02

I think you might be right treaclesoda. His music has got noticeably better, I think that might be down to having meat back in his diet. Wink


Tryingtoswallow101 · 25/09/2018 22:03

I’m thinking the same thing. How much maintenance can one need?

A clean a day keeps the crystals away, I’ve always found!

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MrsTommyBanks · 25/09/2018 22:06

Dear God.


HemanOrSheRa · 25/09/2018 22:06

Gwyneth is absolutely bonkers.

I visited one of my lovely elderly ladies at home last week and she was engrossed in a piece on This Morning about vaginal eggs. I had to explain it to her as she didn't really understand Confused. Maybe she could visit this shop Grin.


Ohyesiam · 25/09/2018 22:07

Wow. I had no idea that I was so guilty of vag neglect. I’ve had a few things up ther, but never a crystal.

Maybe there’s a Vag Line my poor ignored yoni can call to offload it’s angst.


CoolCarrie · 25/09/2018 22:09

GP is a less then average actress who should never have won an Oscar, who thinks UK women are daft enough to buy her rubbish, I hope her shop closes very soon. Daft Americans!


HerRoyalFattyness · 25/09/2018 22:13

steve theyre still quite flimsy.


ifancyagreencard · 25/09/2018 22:13

Dear God - just trawled the site. Well, every day's a school day . . .

240 quid for a bit of polyester - WTAF?

Natracare tampons - £10 for 20 Shock. If organic san pro floats your boat, in Waitrose they're £2.50 for 16 FFS.


QueenDoris · 25/09/2018 22:14

Gwyneth is bonkers. Goop tried to launch a paper edition of its magazine and the publishers insisted that articles were fact checked. Unsurprisingly it folded. And Gwyneth moaned that they were too stuck in their ways

Rumour has it that she was Chris Martin's first proper girlfriend, what with him being a spotty nerd and all. Hence he didn't spot the many red flags. He then found himself married to this fruitloop and had to consciously uncouple


SecretWitch · 25/09/2018 22:16

For some reason I keep thinking of Brian from Hull. I bet Gwynnie could market his unique yoni massage as a boutique service.


Tryingtoswallow101 · 25/09/2018 22:17

£240!!! Jesus! The description makes it worth every penny:

Flawless for foreplay, this seriously seductive eye-mask—rendered in a French Chantilly lace with a delicate floral embroidery and sheer ribbon ties—makes for one sexy surprise in the bedroom. Wear it over the eyes (or lips) and let the other senses pick up the slack.

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Tryingtoswallow101 · 25/09/2018 22:19

She’s right mind, DH would have a surprise if I’d spent £240 on a fucking ‘eye-mask’

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sheldonesque · 25/09/2018 22:20

With all that fur oil floating about, any inserted crystal stands a good chance of sliding out and skittling under the sideboard.

It is nice that someone cares about all of our lulus. I dread to think what she will come out with for arseholes. Because you really don't want anything sliding out of them...


Skyejuly · 25/09/2018 22:22

Jade eggs are wonderful. The prices she charges are ridiculous.


Jonsey79 · 25/09/2018 22:22

I reckon a Happy Hippo would work better than an egg, or perhaps a fun size Snickers.


SheWoreBlueVelvet · 25/09/2018 22:22

Necklace is sold out so someone does...


RyderWhiteSwan · 25/09/2018 22:22



silkpyjamasallday · 25/09/2018 22:28

She tries to make these products come across as some sort of sexual pseudospiritual awakening thing and it's for the most part just overpriced crystalline smut.

I think I'm going to take my marble eggs down off the bookcase though, lest anyone think I use them internally for hormone balancing whilst steaming then pop them back on the shelf. I could possibly be tempted by the pube oil though Grin


SteveMcGarrettsBudgieSmugglers · 25/09/2018 22:31

so you have all missed out on the vibe necklaces, I am happy to sell you much cheaper rabbit on a rope only £50

Jonsey79 Happy Hippo or fun sized wold have been great pre-kids now its more the sharing bar or family sized


SteveMcGarrettsBudgieSmugglers · 25/09/2018 22:32

just opened my dishwasher mid cycle to try the steaming, didnt do much for me, but it got rid of the oil in my pubes though


treaclesoda · 25/09/2018 22:33

Rumour has it that she was Chris Martin's first proper girlfriend, what with him being a spotty nerd and all. Hence he didn't spot the many red flags. He then found himself married to this fruitloop and had to consciously uncouple

Shock do you think he thought that all women were obsessed with their nethers Iike she is? No wonder he always looked so miserable.


AliDran · 25/09/2018 22:34

A roll of gaffer tape for £36...I need to make some money, might hunt my roll out to sell


HerRoyalFattyness · 25/09/2018 22:34

Happy hippos are a little...bitty? Aren't they?
Youd definitely need the fanny steaming after that!

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