Step-baby

[LateLatte]

How long should a step-baby wait to meet its new baby sibling? Assuming baby and Mother are well and hospital/babies home is within 30 minutes of where the older sibling lives and can be dropped off by another family member?

[GreatDuckCookery6211]

FFS give the new mother a chance TheDarkPassenger!

[LetsHaveAnotherGo]

I agree with you @LateLatte - I gave birth to DD late on the Tuesday night, and DSD came with my DH on the Wednesday morning and stayed with us all day we just kept her off school.

[InertPotato]

My step son met his baby sister the morning after she was born (born 1am) wouldn’t have it any other way. I think it’s disgusting people’s attitudes towards step kids, if you didn’t want a child to have to consider or care for you shouldn’t have set up home with someone with one, fucking simple

Agreed. Not sure why you'd have a baby with someone before getting to know their obsolete existing children first, so that you could feel comfortable including them in the event.

[flamingofridays]

half siblings are different. there has been a thread on here recently, I would say most people who are step parents don't feel the same way towards their step children as they do their own.

I think when you've just given birth its one of the few times as a step parent you should be able to do whatever ever the fuck you want without being told you're a horrible person, or selfish, or whatever.

[timeisnotaline]

My step son met his baby sister the morning after she was born (born 1am) wouldn’t have it any other way. I think it’s disgusting people’s attitudes towards step kids,
As I said above , that’s my attitude towards my own child. That he can see the baby in a day or so when I can cope. And he’s 3, I’d expect my teenage child to understand.

[SleepingStandingUp]

Passenger no one knows what state the mother is in, nor the baby. Doesn't seem like the teenager has actually said to Dad when can I come down so they may think don't push it, if he wants to come he will. Its a bit early to assume they're trying to cut him out their life

[LooksBetterWithAFilter]

My dc were supposed to meet their step brother reasonably shortly after he was born all arranged I was going to travel to them hand the dc to their dad and pick them up later. They were cancelled on because there was family coming to see the baby that weekend it was a couple of months in the end and dd didn’t want to go to her dad’s the next time it had just been a long time. He said you need to come and see your baby brother dd aged just 8 said it’s been theee months what difference is a few more weeks going to make.

[SD1978]

So your DS- who lives with you, understandably met new sibling on the same day as they were born. Father, who he sees (?) EOW, hasn't had him over yet. He's a teenager. Any reason he can't phone his dad and ask to visit? When is his next time he's due to stay there?

[Johndoe10]

I did NOT want to entertain a teenage boy

Why would you have too?

I suppose all the posters who are against it sent their own children some where else then?

When you get with a man who already has kids you have to accept that they will be on the scene too.

OP it’s still early days. Why doesn’t your son text his dad and see if every thing is well with them both and when he can bob over?

I’m surprised that his father could not spare 10 seconds to send his son a text.

Really no need for the nastiness

[finn1020]

You’re being very demanding and entitled. Chill out, stop making this into what a great parent you are in comparison and how she hates your son because she hasn’t rushed to invite a teenage boy to visit her the second after she’s given birth. Maybe she thinks you’ll pop in for a visit too and is trying to avoid that at all costs. 🙄. Bet you’re hard work.

[Annasgirl]

The OP's son is not some random teenage boy - he is the SON of the dad of the new baby, he is the half-brother of the new baby and he is the step-son of the new mother.

Wow, are you guys all with men who have previous DC? Because I sense a lot of resentment towards step sons - who by the way are the actual blood relative sons of your DPs.

[flamingofridays]

because I also have a teenage DSS and have been in this very situation

I didn't have my own children, but yes If I wanted to be on my own with a new baby on my own I would have DP look after the older kids, or my mum.

All this bollocks about "you accept that they will be on the scene too"
yes of course you do, but fuck sake after giving birth it should be YOUR decision who you see. You don't lose all your human rights when you become a step parent you know.

"no need for the nastiness" no of course not unless youre slagging off a new mum, then its totally fine.

[Secretmum41]

Why can’t you, or your teenage ds, txt ex partner/dad and ask when he can pop in to meet his new half sibling?? Surely that’s simple?

[flamingofridays]

anna maybe its just because we have been in this very situation and can empathise with the new mother? which is something the ex wives club is unable to do

[DunkerOfSussex]

@SleepingStandingUp Yes. And it baffles me as my DS was the first person on my list of visitors. I think most mother's want to have their children meet ASAP, why shouldn't a stepmum make the same effort?! And I guess it's getting complicated re:step/half thing. Siblings sharing a father.


Yeah because you were happy to be seen by your child.

I sure as hell wouldn't be having any unrelated teenage boys on to my ward after I'd given birth. Hobbling and bleeding and being checked by nurses. She's a patient. She's not a zoo for your teenager. I'd be having words with my son for being so selfish if he was sulking too. She's not a sibling vessel, she's a human.

[Johndoe10]

because I also have a teenage DSS and have been in this very situation hmm

Well then you go on to say you haven’t had any children so how could you have been?

[DunkerOfSussex]

The OP's son is not some random teenage boy - he is the SON of the dad of the new baby, he is the half-brother of the new baby and he is the step-son of the new mother.

And the MIL is the mother of the father. She still doesn't get a pass unless the patient wants her there.

Why don't people get that.

[Johndoe10]

Flamingo you seek like one bitter person. Are you like this with your step kids?

[Johndoe10]

Seem**

[SleepingStandingUp]

I just wanted time to bond with my baby and settle in before visitors came
I know they were there so I'm not having a go but I think this attitude is what causes the problem.

I don't want step child to meet their half sinking because I don't feel up to visitors.

It isn't a visitor. If something had changed the day before you have birth thry could well have been resident children.

So parents send their older children away for a week until they feel up to entertaining them?

[flamingofridays]

john bitter about what?

didn't realise it was wrong for someone who has just given birth to want a bit of time to herself.

Am I like what? My step son chose to live with us over his mother, so take from that what you will. I clearly cant be that bad. And my step son is a nice child, who doesn't think that he should be the centre of attention and understood that I was knackered and felt like shit!

[flamingofridays]

john no I didn't say I have no children. Read it again.

[anniehm]

Surely it's up to his dad to invite him over not the stepmum who has given birth. To be honest I found visitors a chore and would have had none if it were up to me (including my husband!). Three-four days is still reasonable

[Annasgirl]

Well you haven't been in the situation as you just stated you have not had your own children.

I'm comparing this to having my children and there is no way the siblings would have been kept away from the new baby for more than a couple of hours and I had very difficult births.

But really I think the OP should be mad at her Ex and not the new mum but many men seem to dump their existing children once new ones arrive with a new partner. At least that's what I gather from MN - I live in a country where divorce is really rare.