Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Step-baby

527 replies

LateLatte · 24/09/2018 23:29

How long should a step-baby wait to meet its new baby sibling? Assuming baby and Mother are well and hospital/babies home is within 30 minutes of where the older sibling lives and can be dropped off by another family member?

OP posts:
flamingofridays · 25/09/2018 10:34

I said I didn't have my own children, as in when I was giving birth I had no other children. I obviously do now....

flamingofridays · 25/09/2018 10:34

oh my god can none of you read!

Johndoe10 · 25/09/2018 10:35

and the MIL is the mother of the father. She still doesn't get a pass unless the patient wants her there

That’s actually a very different situation. Children don’t ask to be part of broken families. Both parties need work very hard to ensure that children that are left behind feel secure and included.

The father should have been in regular contact with his son, texts or phone calls keeping him in the loop and making him feel part of the event.

Spanglyprincess1 · 25/09/2018 10:35

Okay. I had a baby 12 weeks ago and I'm a Stepmom. I'd have given anything to have more time with baby before the DSC arrived (3). They arrived ten min after I got home next day from hospital for three overnights. I'd had surgery, massive blood loss, no sleep and it's my first baby who I was trying to breastfeed. It was nice for them I guess but totally the wrong thing to do. I'd have liked at least a day or two before the DSC came so I could have physically recovered enough to interact with them rather than being in a state of shock tbh.
I know it's hard as kids are excited but it isn't always the best thing tbf for them or the baby or the parents.

Johndoe10 · 25/09/2018 10:36

Flamingo your posting style is aggressive and bitter. Go back and read your own posts.

stressedbeyond123 · 25/09/2018 10:36

when my DD was born, her first visitors were her two older half-sisters. i didn't want anyone else to visit until they had had a chance to meet her and spend time with her without everyone around x

flamingofridays · 25/09/2018 10:38

I am neither aggressive or bitter, I just believe new mothers should call the shots.

HidingFromMyKids · 25/09/2018 10:38

Hopefully not but the baby could be seriously ill.

Has your son had any contact with his dad?

What age teenager?

YourHandInMyHand · 25/09/2018 10:40

If this is this ladies first baby then she's likely just wanting some time to settle, rest, try to breastfeed, etc.

I have a teenage son and I'm pregnant. No way will he be desperate to meet his baby sibling as I've explained about trying to breastfeed and he looked uncomfortable at the idea of boobs being out. Grin Not many women want other teenage lads or grown blokes aside from the babies dad hovering over them while they're in the first 48 hours of post labour and breastfeeding fgs.

Please don't make an issue of this. Give this woman the benefit of the doubt and explain to your son she may be exhausted or healing and it's no reflection on him, he will meet his baby sibling in good time.

Unless there is a massive unmentioned backstory of your DS being sidelined then tbh it feels like you are looking for an issue that's not there.

Secretmum41 · 25/09/2018 10:41

I think some posters are losing the actual concept here .... a boy would like to meet his new sibling (half or otherwise doesn’t really matter) ... all siblings I know have been to the hospital to visit their newborn sibling the same day, or following day depending on time of birth (provided all is well obviously).;

A simple text or phone call to the new, proud dad is all that’s needed. I don’t understand why everyone is complicating the situation!

pickledmommy · 25/09/2018 10:44

I just believe new mothers should call the shots

Agree with Flamingofridays

Spanglyprincess1 · 25/09/2018 10:44

On a random note I'd have been fine with a twenty minutes visit but not three days!. I didn't want to see anyone after giving birth and being unwell. I just wanted to try n care for baby as best as I could.
And fyi it is different if you are rp as your used to the children being there and the dynamic etc. Plus you have had a baby before ..not your first one so I imagine your less shocked. For step mom's if the baby is their first it's a massive amount of stress in knowing how to cope for at least a day or so. I imagine it will be easier if I have another and yes I'd want all their siblings introduced at same time regardless of if half sibling it full.

Also op it isn't their step sibling - it's their half sibling and a blood relative. I got very cross when dp ex referred to my ds as step brother as he isn't , he is their half brother.

Juells · 25/09/2018 10:45

Does the teenaged son think that babies magically pop out of the armpit or something? Has he not had the information that a baby exits the mother's body? Perhaps you should ask him how he'd feel if he had to squeeze a watermelon out of his anus, if he thinks he might be a bit torn and sore afterwards? Some of the attitudes on this thread remind me of misogynists who pooh pooh birth traumas and trumpet about women going back into the fields to work an hour after giving birth and being perfectly fine.

SummerGems · 25/09/2018 10:47

And people wonder why stepmothers get such a hard time on here. Hmm from this thread it’s not hard to see.

Imagine if this was a stepfather wanting the mother’s actual children to stay away from his new baby while he got to know it.... bet there wouldn’t be the tolerance on here for that, no didn’t think so.

At the end of the day, while the SM isn’t obligated, the teenager and the baby should be of equal priority to the father, and if you marry someone with existing children then yes, you lose the right to decide that those children, your baby’s siblings, can’t meet the new baby if the father is on board with it. And no, it’s not the same as a MIL, these are children who will likely feel pushed out by the arrival of half siblings especially if they are then kept out of the equation.

So while I wouldn’t blame the SM, I would definitely be pissed off at the father if he hasn’t given any indication as to when the OP’s DS can meet his sibling.

And I’d bet any money that the SM would be the first to complain on here when the teenage stepchildren show no apparent interest in the baby down the track...

flamingofridays · 25/09/2018 10:49

Imagine if this was a stepfather wanting the mother’s actual children to stay away from his new baby while he got to know it.... bet there wouldn’t be the tolerance on here for that, no didn’t think so

that's totally different unless the stepfather pushed the baby out himself.

we are talking about someone who has gone through something physical, tiring, potentially very risky surgery ffs. Its not about "I don't want your kids around" its about recovery, which imo is VERY important for a new mother.

Birth is one of the hardest things most of us will ever go through.

flamingofridays · 25/09/2018 10:50

and if you marry someone with existing children then yes, you lose the right to decide that those children, your baby’s siblings, can’t meet the new baby if the father is on board with it

no, you don't.

Bluelady · 25/09/2018 10:52

Fraud you do. The dramatising of childbirth here is ridiculous.

flamingofridays · 25/09/2018 10:53

wow, blue how ignorant.

SummerGems · 25/09/2018 10:57

Meh. Women have been giving birth for centuries. It ain’t that big a deal.

flamingofridays · 25/09/2018 10:59

is there really people that think this?

it certainly wasn't a walk in the park for me and I had no major complications. I know several people who did though, and I think telling them what they went through "aint that big a deal" would probably make them have a breakdown!

Juells · 25/09/2018 11:01

SummerGems

Meh. Women have been giving birth for centuries. It ain’t that big a deal.

...and here we go with the 'women just push them out and get on with life' stuff. I didn't know which end of me was up for days after having both children. She could have had a difficult birth, she could have had a CS, she might be having difficulty establishing BF, she might just want to lie there and sleep.

combatbarbie · 25/09/2018 11:04

So it's a half sibling not step??

Tbh if all DS has had is a birth announcement then if I was HIM, I'd be miffed, even more so if I were to find out the mother's family have all been round to meet the baby.... just sets the tone for the future.

AliceRR · 25/09/2018 11:06

Sorry to sound harsh but have really not explained yourself v well (DS is a baby and then a teen, a step sibling and then a half sibling?)and I am not convinced this is an issue for you rather than DS.

If your son is that bothered he must have enough of a relationship with his Dad to ask when he can see the baby?

I would hope he has a way to get there or you can take him as the baby’s parents may be occupied depending on how long it has been since the birth

combatbarbie · 25/09/2018 11:07

And I say that as a SM, my step kids didn't meet their sister til she was 6 weeks... that was their choice though Hmm

Johndoe10 · 25/09/2018 11:07

Does the teenaged son think that babies magically pop out of the armpit or something? Has he not had the information that a baby exits the mother's body? Perhaps you should ask him how he'd feel if he had to squeeze a watermelon out of his anus, if he thinks he might be a bit torn and sore afterwards?

That’s not the issue is it and to be honest what teenage boy would be thinking that Confused he is just excited to see his baby sibling. Your pitting the son against the SM . The issue is the father hasn’t been in contact with his son, who would like to be part of the event - any why not?

Which could have easily been satisfied with a few text messages or a picture being sent to son to keep him in the loop. - even a ‘son here’s your baby sibling, xxx is very tired but I can’t wait for you to see baby. Hopefully it will be tomorrow ect.. but I’ll send you lots of pics, love dad’

It really isn’t rocket science.

I

Swipe left for the next trending thread