Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let DD wear this dress to a wedding?

384 replies

veruka · 24/09/2018 20:36

My friend thinks it's unfair on the bridesmaids/bride?

https://www.matalan.co.uk/product/detail/s2652137c356/girls-corsage-bridesmaid-dress-3-13yrs-cream?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIxOOpkrHU3QIVLZPtCh2o5g63EAQYKCABEgJjlPDBwE

OP posts:
Cazzoh · 26/09/2018 08:01

I had a dress for my DD when she was 3 that I wanted tonget use out of. One of my close friends, who is also my DD's godmother was getting married. She wasnt bridesmaid as she didnt want to cause conflict with our close circlem of friends - there was another girl of similar age to my DD in the group. I didnt know my friend's colour scheme soni showed her the dress and asked if it was OK for my DD to wear it for the same reason as this post. My friend said it was fine. The other girl didnt go and my friend said if shed had know she wasnt my DD could have been a flower girl anyway.

Ask the bride xxx

ILoveDolly · 26/09/2018 08:07

I think with coloured accessories it might be ok but the bride def needs consulting. On the other hand something similar but not white, I saw Lindybop have vintage style children's dresses in which are nice www.lindybop.co.uk/kids.html

Iseveryusernametaken · 26/09/2018 08:14

Little ones grow out of things so quickly, so keeping it for parties probably means she'll probably only wear it once or twice. I wouldn't be offended if I were the bride. If she's with you it will be clear that she's not part of the bridal party.

DancingLady · 26/09/2018 13:15

At my wedding 10 years ago I had my 2 nieces as flower girls (they were both 7). Cousin's daughter (also 7) came to the wedding in a white dress too. Basically dressed as an extra flower girl. I was a bit surprised but not annoyed at all. And my DNs thought it was fun.

noeffingidea · 26/09/2018 13:48

At my wedding two of my nieces wore 'princess dresses' , one of them actually was a bridesmaid dress from a previous wedding. I didn't give a single solitary fuck, in fact I let them both pretend they were my bridesmaids and pose in a special photo with me.

Wineallthetime · 26/09/2018 20:32

Don't put her in that dress, it looks far too much like a flower girl dress to me, even if the bride doesn't mind somone else there is bound to think it's inappropriate! I went to a wedding where this happend, the little girl wasn't picked to be a bridesmaid but had a dress on that was so similar, bride didn't seem to mind but the new mother in law did and so did brides mum, was the talk of the day about how inappropriate it was!

kaytee87 · 26/09/2018 20:33

I never thought I'd see the word 'inappropriate' in a sentence about a 4yo wearing a pretty dress to a wedding. Bizarre.

ADastardlyThing · 26/09/2018 20:39

"was the talk of the day about how inappropriate it was!"

How utterly pathetic, must have been a shite wedding if a 4 years olds dress was the topic du jour. What a bunch of saddos!

PumpkinPie2016 · 26/09/2018 20:44

Personally, I wouldn't - it just looks like you want her to be a bridesmaid/flower girl. There are hundreds of lovely party dresses around - choose one of them.

When I got married, some friends of my parents bought and allowed their daughter (who was 12 at the time!) wear a dress that matched the colour of my bridesmaids and was very similar. I wasn't best pleased! I had specifically only wanted my sister and my niece as bridesmaids. My sister had been through a truly awful time a couple of months before my wedding and was still in a very delicate state which they knew full well and I still can't believe that tried to let their daughter steal the limelight Angry

Please just but your daughter a non bridesmaid dress.

PoxAlert · 26/09/2018 20:59

Ask the bride what the bridesmaid dresses are like.

If they're white/light pink then 100% no.

I wouldn't put my DD in it personally.

Wineallthetime · 26/09/2018 21:30

kaytee87 It's not just a pretty dress it's described as a flower girl dress in the description. The wedding I attended had a lot of backstory that the mother was miffed she wasn't a bridesmaid so dressed her similar on purpose.

ADarstedlyThing it was a lovely wedding actually but there was a lot of backstory which isnt relevant to what the OP was asking in the first place...

To me the dress looks like a bridesmaid dress, there's thousands of other dresses out there in a whole range of styles and prices, why risk offence? The op wanted an options on her dress not on my story.

Courtney555 · 26/09/2018 21:31

Is it a bridesmaid dress? Yes.
Is it sold specifically described as a bridesmaid dress? Yes.
Has she been asked to be a bridesmaid? No.

It's a very straight forward no.

And it's OK to just put her in it because it's pretty? Maybe you'll get lucky and no one will mind, but it's still poor etiquette to do it, or even ask to do it.

This is all starting to sound like people who think it's OK for their kids to run around in restaurants, then act like the people who are being disturbed by it are totally unreasonable because that's what little darling 4yr olds do. Obviously these "weirdos" have a problem with 4 Yr olds and need to take the stick out their arse. Hmm
It's no different here, the problem lies with the parent having no consideration for others. Don't be that parent.

Strongmummy · 26/09/2018 21:34

@Courtney555, would you honestly care if you were the bride? I genuinely wouldn’t give a damn. I’d just see a little girl in a pretty dress being happy to wear it at my wedding.

kaytee87 · 26/09/2018 21:37

What has a dress got to do with children running around restaurants Confused

ADastardlyThing · 26/09/2018 21:49

The dress isn't even the same colour scheme.

That monsoon dress I linked to before was described as a party dress so absolutely fine? But its way more bridesmaidey looking than ops dd dress?.

Just because it's called a flower girl dress doesn't mean that has to be it's only use Confused I've seen many dresses like that in kids party wear sections.

And, it's not even the same colour scheme.

I just don't get why some think it's inappropriate. It's truly baffling.

And for the record kids running around in restaurants are little turds and I laugh if they trip up.

Courtney555 · 26/09/2018 22:00

@strongmummy

I probably wouldn't be bothered as it's my wedding day, and I'd be all consumed with that, but it's still bad manners on the mum's part. A similar thing happened on my wedding day. An aunt of mine did something with her outfit that made her look part of the bridal party, even though she didn't match, and the result was my other aunt feeling really upset because she thought I'd allowed it and that left her as the only one not included. I wasn't bothered, but my aunt was.

There are enough people on this thread with similar experiences to show that even if the mum has no etiquette, she really shouldn't do it.

Strongmummy · 26/09/2018 23:13

@courtney555, I think I understand and so the op should probably clear it with the bride.

Aridane · 27/09/2018 05:24

I wonder if this thread has caused an increase in sales of the dress!

Lol at the first review of the dress!!

JollyAndBright · 27/09/2018 06:05

She’s 4.
Buy her another pretty dress, let her wear that one at the weekend for fun and she will get over it.

Do not be one of those people that dresses their kids in bridal wear for a wedding.
you’ll look like one of those CFs who’s trying to get your DD to be a part of the wedding even though you are not.

PollyFlinderz · 27/09/2018 06:24

"was the talk of the day about how inappropriate it was!"

They were best ignored.

JeezYouLoon · 27/09/2018 06:53

She's 4! Let her wear it, she'll look lovely.

My wedding was wine ago and all the little girls wore dresses like that, was I fussed? Nope, I thought they looked lovely and was pleased they were at my wedding.

If the bridal party like you, which they should as you've been invited they won't care. If they don't like you, they will and in this case you wouldn't be going Wink

Enjoy the day.

Teenagerwoes · 27/09/2018 07:26

HRTFT but the only valid question for me would be, is it the same as the bridesmaids or flower girls dress for the wedding? If not then no issue, it’s just a little girls dress.

If I was that invested in what a small child wore to my wedding then I think I may be focussing on the wrong aspects of the day.

LynetteScavo · 27/09/2018 07:33

So many weird replies in this thread. Unless the actual flower girls are wearing this exact dress of course it's fine to wear it. I'm presuming she won't also be wearing a flower ring on her head? Confused

kierenthecommunity · 27/09/2018 07:57

When I got married, some friends of my parents bought and allowed their daughter (who was 12 at the time!) wear a dress that matched the colour of my bridesmaids and was very similar. I wasn't best pleased!

How would they have known what your bridesmaids were going to be wearing when they bought their daughter’s dress? Surely you can’t think they did it on purpose?

To the OP (if this is genuine) just ask the bride what colour dresses the flower girls are wearing. If she says blue, happy days. If she says cream with pink flowers then maybe have a rethink

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.