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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I shouldn't be expected to go to BILs birthday dinner?!

227 replies

l0stmummy · 24/09/2018 17:48

ILs are celebrating BILs birthday at a rather nice restaurant. Under normal circumstances I would go. I'm not BILs biggest fan but I would always put on a smile and go as a family unit. However, I had a tooth extraction on Friday last week that had some complications. Long story short, its gotten infected and I have a face the size of a house. I can only see properly out of one eye, and the antibiotics I'm on are making me feel rotten. I'm in alot of pain and have no appetite. AIBU to think I shouldn't be expected to go to this family meal tonight? DH thinks I should still attend and is being quite stubborn about it.

OP posts:
TheSageofOnions · 24/09/2018 19:54

He's an idiot. Apart from anything else, would your presence, in your current state, really make the party go? Stay at home and dose yourself with painkillers and anything else you fancy.

LouHotel · 24/09/2018 19:54

OK I would seriously tell him he needs to sleep at a family members home tonight as he's not welcome back until you get an apology. Guarantee he's now playing down the extend of his illness. I would FaceTime your MIL swollen face and all to say 'Happy Birthday to Bill so they can see how bad you are, Obviously that is stooping a bit but fuck it

Labradoodliedoodoo · 24/09/2018 19:55

How selfish,why isn’t he thinking about how to support you to recover.

LouHotel · 24/09/2018 19:55

*extent of YOUR illness.

Sweepouttheashes · 24/09/2018 19:58

Op my dh used to be the same, enabled by my ils who are where he got the fuckery from. The day I realised that I didn’t need to argue my corner, that he was a bully and that I could leave, was a revelation. We have stayed together and he has dramatically improved but the plans are in place for an exit if he pulls those stunts again. He seems to have changed but I don’t really believe people do fundamentally change their stripes. Good luck, for me I had to get to indifference to get free. I understand exactly how you are feeling. It’s hard. Recently I have decided I am done with visiting the ils (involves a long drive and overnight stay) and I feel fecking amazing for it.

ohfourfoxache · 24/09/2018 20:00

Why on earth are you with him?

timeisnotaline · 24/09/2018 20:06

So he doesn’t care how you feel, and wouldn’t bother turning up to a meal with your family even if fit as a fiddle? Basically he’s a twat. Maybe he can go and not come back?

GreatWesternValkyrie · 24/09/2018 20:09

He said I don't have to eat anything !!! How kind of him, so you get to go along to “show (your swollen, sad) face” and watch everyone else enjoy eating and drinking. I can’t imagine how you can resist such a fantastic night out Hmm. Text his family now to apologise for your absence and let them know he’s still coming, then point him to the door. What an arse!

GreatWesternValkyrie · 24/09/2018 20:10

Aha just seen your post saying you didn’t go - good for you!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 24/09/2018 20:13

Punch your DH really hard in the face - in fact, use a monkey wrench or something. Se how happy he is to go out in public with a face swollen beyond recognition, and a jaws so painful he can't eat.

Gersemi · 24/09/2018 20:17

So, your husband refusing to go to anything involving your family when he's perfectly healthy is the act of a grown-up, but you refusing to go when you are unwell, unable to eat and in pain, is the act of a child? You need to sit him down and get him to explain the logic of that slowly and clearly. If he was that desperate to spend time with you, he could have cancelled on his own behalf and stayed at home to look after you.

AnnieAnoniMoose · 24/09/2018 20:23

Well done for not going 💐. Now take a selfie, message MIL/BIL ‘DH should be with you soon, sorry I’m in too much pain to come and as you can see I would frighten small children! DH thought it would be easier to leave DD with me, such a shame as I’m sure she would have loved seeing you all. Hope you have a lovely time. Chipmunk chops’. ....and seriously, you need to make some changes (preferably like a divorce!)

Bubblysqueak · 24/09/2018 20:25

What an arse.
I would text your in laws with a photo and apologies saying sorry can't make it feeling rotten but DH will be with you soon.
At least you've made the effort to explain and it only looks like your DH is an arse if he doesn't turn up.
You definitely shouldn't go. Enjoy your soaps .

quizqueen · 24/09/2018 20:28

Why are you asking the world of internet!! If you don't feel well enough to go then the decision is made.

Frogsareawesome · 24/09/2018 20:29

OP, I really hope that this evening has shown you what a total asshole he is. You and your DD deserve so so so much better. Hope you feel better soon Flowers

Johndoe10 · 24/09/2018 20:30

He wanted you to go so you would look after dd as he didn’t want to watch her by himself. That’s why he left with out her

MrsMozart · 24/09/2018 20:32

He's taken being an arse to a whole new level. I hope you feel better soon.

diddl · 24/09/2018 20:35

"He wanted you to go so you would look after dd as he didn’t want to watch her by himself. " I think so, although depending on bedtime & how well she sleeps, he might also have assumed that she would stay with Op so he still wouldn't have to look after her anyway iyswim.

Lunde · 24/09/2018 20:42

Your DH sounds terrible - he should be looking after you he should be tucking you up and feeding you soup through a straw or ice-cream milkshakes (or whatever you fancy). He is a jerk throwing toddler tantrums to get his own way. Take care and hope you can rest!

GiraffeObsessedBaby · 24/09/2018 20:43

OP if I was you I honestly don't think I'd be taking to dh when he got back. I'd just "show my face" with a sneer then go back to what I was doing. I'd be expecting some serious fucking grovelling for a long time.

Asshat.

MarianneAgain · 24/09/2018 20:44

If there wasn't a babysitter booked, they must have been intending to take the DD to the restaurant. Any man worth his salt would have taken her with him so the OP could get some rest. But a reasonable man would not have made such a fuss in the first place. Hope you have sent a photo of your face (since HE was so keen that you should show it) so they all understand that you are not swinging the lead.

0lgaDaPolga · 24/09/2018 20:45

Your ‘d’h sounds awful. I’m glad you didn’t go. Is he a good dad/husband generally? The fact that he has gone and left the baby with you sounds like he was so insistent on you coming so you could look after the baby during the meal. Hope you feel better soon Flowers

welshmist · 24/09/2018 20:46

I had a face like this once after implant work, had to cancel a dinner I was bruised and swollen. The hostess sulked for ages (rolls eyes)

altiara · 24/09/2018 20:49

I wouldn’t even go to my own birthday party like that!

PanamaPattie · 24/09/2018 20:54

I'm glad you stayed at home. I wouldn't want to take a 10 month old to a restaurant. It's too stressful!