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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asked to explain myself by a child!

239 replies

DucksOnThePond · 23/09/2018 18:15

So in a pool earlier. There are always publicly accessible floats and noodles but never toys. DC playing with a toy. It has been borrowed from another friend at the pool but is certainly not for public use. Suddenly find nyself being told - by a 5/6 year old boy in armbands! - that said DC is unkind for immediately not handing over this toy and that it was outrageous I wasn’t forcing it. Unwilling to engage I said very little and moved on. 5 mins later at a different area of the pool a follow up of ‘excuse me, DC should hand it over. Did you bring it from home’. A third time and my response was that as an adult I was not explaining myself to a rude child.

Since when did kids not only feel comfortable enough challenging a stranger but actually harassing them?! No sign of a parent at all.

OP posts:
EdisonLightBulb · 23/09/2018 19:46

Where was the adult supervising a five year old in armbands? 🤔

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/09/2018 19:51

The child asked you if the toy was from home. Why not answer? Some people have said use it as a learning moment. Others, why should it? Thing is one day this child will be an adult. Better to teach the child to be a cooperative member of society now than suffer the consequences later.

PlatypusPie · 23/09/2018 19:52

My first thought was that you could have just said it wasn’t a pool toy and that it wasn’t for sharing but, on reflection, you are right - he was very impertinent to approach and then keep on asking you. No manners, no boundaries.

pigeondujour · 23/09/2018 19:54

Imo the kid was rude to go and start pestering a strange adult regardless of who the toy belonged to. And a kid that age shouldn't be unsupervised in a pool by their parent/appropriate adult long enough to conduct such a conversation.

KickAssAngel · 23/09/2018 19:55

If you read the OP's comments:
Kid asked at the pool & was told no.
Kid asked OP and was told it was theirs from home, so not for sharing, and her son was still using it, so no.
Kid then followed OP around the pool and asked again.

I know kids can be that persistent, but it is getting rude at that stage. If a kid behaved like that in school (following another, asking for something they've been told no by an adult) I'd expect them to be redirected away from whatever it was, and I wouldn't expect that to be happening all the time.

It's not a big deal, but it sounds like OP was clear, gave a reason, and moved away. I'm not someone who believes that children should automatically do exactly as told by adults whilst doffing their caps, but a kid in year 1 or 2 should be able to take an answer from an adult.

I was about to say that otherwise infant school would be chaos, then remembered the few times I've subbed in infant school - it felt chaotic! (I usually teach teenagers, but was helping out a school for a couple of hours. Don't worry, I don't inflict myself on little ones normally).

Original poster
DucksOnThePond · 23/09/2018 19:55

Sorry I haven’t left the building. Was just doing other things.

I did explain. I said it wasn’t a pool toy and he came back twice more. And as it goes this child had at least 2 floats from the pool over the entire time so obviously felt happy to hog things himself. This included one my DC likes and I would have expected DC to wait until it was free (note not even shared) had it been asked about.

Sharing is important but one OP said people seem to see sharing as someone else handing over things as soon as it’s requested. So everything is unreasonable and it’s always time to proverbially stamp feet.

As to those outraged as to how unjust the world is that such behaviour isn’t indulged - so when does this type of behaviour needs to be corrected so they don’t turn from ‘little tykes’ to CF’s

OP posts:
FinnegansWhiskers · 23/09/2018 19:55

Thing is one day this child will be an adult. Better to teach the child to be a cooperative member of society now than suffer the consequences later

That's hardly OP's job. If this child was only 5 or 6, wearing armbands in a public swimming pool, where were his parents?

AnoukSpirit · 23/09/2018 19:55

The “politeness towards your elders” I just fundamentally disagree with as a concept. I teach my kids to be polite and kind in general, but adults aren’t another species. This boy wasn’t rude, he didn’t snatch it, he asked a child to share. The adult was odd in this senario.

Exactly. We're adults, not gods.

SponsoredFred · 23/09/2018 19:57

Christ. Children do this kind of thing. On account of being children..what was he? 5 you say? Give him a break

Akanamali · 23/09/2018 20:00

I'd find it a bit annoying but would have just said 'It's from home sorry, not for sharing'. He's a small child and he's still learning. You're not obliged to help or even be polite but I think being annoying at 5 is more forgivable than being mean spirited as an adult. The kid still has plenty of time to learn how to interact with others but you're probably stuck like this now.

Akanamali · 23/09/2018 20:07

I did explain. I said it wasn’t a pool toy and he came back twice more.

If this is the case why does your OP say:

'Unwilling to engage I said very little and moved on. 5 mins later at a different area of the pool a follow up of ‘excuse me, DC should hand it over. Did you bring it from home’. A third time and my response was that as an adult I was not explaining myself to a rude child. '

If you're going to be a twat to small kids at least own it.

Maelstrop · 23/09/2018 20:07

I’m another who doesn’t understand why you didn’t just tell him it was yours. He wouldn’t have asked again had you explained. Weird. My automatic reaction would’ve been to say it was mine.

Armadillostoes · 23/09/2018 20:07

I agree with others that an unsupervised five year old in the pool, especially one who couldn't swim, was far more concerning than a rude one. Why didn't you alert the lifeguard?

Original poster
DucksOnThePond · 23/09/2018 20:20

So on the one hand he is old enough to see the ’injustices’ of the world but on the other hand he is a mere kidiwinkle I should take under my wing....

It has to be said I was kinda concentrating on my own child. I don’t see why I should chase round to try and solve the problem of his missing parents therefore potentially leaving my own child unsupervised...

OP posts:
Original poster
DucksOnThePond · 23/09/2018 20:24

Akanamali - my first comment does not rule out the second.

OP posts:
Mymomsbetterthanyomom · 23/09/2018 20:28

I gotcha!
You definitely should NOT have to answer to a child.You said no.So even a cute little "excuse me" doesn't mean you have to give an explanation

chocolatemademefat · 23/09/2018 20:32

I’m with you Ducks. I get so fed up explaining myself to rude children. A lot of mumsnetters are of course saints who do everything to perfection.

bobstersmum · 23/09/2018 20:37

I put my dd on one of those round net swings at the park one day she was 16 months old, we had waited our turn. She had been on it about 1 min and two little girls age about 5 came and stood right at the side, then one piped up, can she hurry up, we are waiting! I said she has just got on but you can have a turn in a moment. Then the other one said well usually the little ones go on the other swings! I said well this little one is on this swing so you'll have to wait your turn. The cheeky little madam tutted!

Armadillostoes · 23/09/2018 20:41

Given how easy it is for small children to drown, even with arm-bands, many people would want to inconvenience themselves slightly to be sure a five year old was safe. You clearly wouldn't OP.

Had you wanted to do so, you could have alerted a lifeguard without leaving your own DC unsupervised. You didnt want to do so, which is your right. It is a shame though.

IHATEPeppaPig · 23/09/2018 20:42

OP even with your updates I find your behaviour odd - yes, he may have been a bit precocious but he is 5, just telling him clearly that it was from home and not for sharing would suffice? I just think you made this situation worse and made yourself look petty and mean.

As an aside, yes he should have been supervised and that isn't your job.

RibbonAurora · 23/09/2018 20:46

Just a simple 'it's ours from home' would have sufficed. I don't get why that is such an issue for you. You can't do anything about his sense of entitlement, if such it was, but you could have provided him with the information necessary for him to realise your child wasn't being unfair or monopolizing public property toys.

Original poster
DucksOnThePond · 23/09/2018 20:57

Ok so I get how the last comment regarding the life guard seems a little off and tbh there are plenty of places for people to sit around the water so for all I know he did have parents looking out. However, I do suppose I am just a little frustrated that somehow it’s my responsibility.

OP posts:
Original poster
DucksOnThePond · 23/09/2018 21:01

And by my responsibility it seems - my responsibility to teach him the niceties of social engagement, my responsibility to be his guardian, my responsibility to explain myself. No mind the get go that this might be anyone else’s job...

OP posts:
Rudgie47 · 23/09/2018 21:21

Little children can be very pestering.
I'd have just said its mine or totally ignored him. If you felt really harassed then you could have put your hand up and got the lifeguard.

Armadillostoes · 23/09/2018 21:28

OP-for what it's worth I don't think it's your duty to teach a random child manners. But not thinking/caring about the safety of a five year old is a quite sad. Being pestered is frustrating, but in the grand scheme of things less important than a child potentially being in danger. I would have wanted to find the adult he was with or alert a lifeguard. When I was a child a slightly older girl drown at my swimming club, with lots of adults around but everyone assuming someone else was watching. Awful things can and do happen very quickly-hence my response to you.