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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asked to explain myself by a child!

239 replies

DucksOnThePond · 23/09/2018 18:15

So in a pool earlier. There are always publicly accessible floats and noodles but never toys. DC playing with a toy. It has been borrowed from another friend at the pool but is certainly not for public use. Suddenly find nyself being told - by a 5/6 year old boy in armbands! - that said DC is unkind for immediately not handing over this toy and that it was outrageous I wasn’t forcing it. Unwilling to engage I said very little and moved on. 5 mins later at a different area of the pool a follow up of ‘excuse me, DC should hand it over. Did you bring it from home’. A third time and my response was that as an adult I was not explaining myself to a rude child.

Since when did kids not only feel comfortable enough challenging a stranger but actually harassing them?! No sign of a parent at all.

OP posts:
SD1978 · 23/09/2018 19:08

I don't understand why you didn't just say no- it's out you. Maybe he saw your friend hand it to your child, and assumed it was a public toy. A simple no, it's ours instead of being a bit washy would have sufficed- then I'd say he was being unreasonable

JacquesHammer · 23/09/2018 19:08

Why on earth wouldn’t you have said “we bought this from home” the first time. It would have most likely to have removed the constant asking.

FinnegansWhiskers · 23/09/2018 19:09

Phew! Just be glad his parents weren't there. One gobshite is one too many

EK36 · 23/09/2018 19:11

Why didn't you just answer the child? "We brought it from home so it's not to share."

PurpleDaisies · 23/09/2018 19:11

One gobshite is one too many

Gobshite? This was a 5 year old child. Hmm

ButchyRestingFace · 23/09/2018 19:13

Gobshite? This was a 5 year old child. hmm

I was a total gobshite when I was 5. Grin I'd probably have reported OP and her kid to the lifeguard and try to get them ejected from the pool. and seize the toy.

Memorees...

CaptSkippy · 23/09/2018 19:15

YANBU unreasonable. I can't believe many replies on this threat. Even if it was an adult that has asked, it would still be incredibly rude. Even if it had been a toy that belongs to the pool, that does not mean another child can just snatch it away when they want to.

You didn't owe that child (or even if it had been an adult) any explanation and I would have told the kid off for bothering stranger at the pool.

PirateWeasel · 23/09/2018 19:16

I would be taken aback by a random child confronting me like that. Politeness towards your elders was just basic manners when I was a kid! It's not even like this child knew you...he basically criticised a total stranger. Which is weird in itself. Surely not talking to strangers is still a standard rule of thumb??

Maybe83 · 23/09/2018 19:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CoughLaughFart · 23/09/2018 19:17

You could have just said, ‘Sorry, but we brought this with us. Perhaps you could play with one of the pool toys?’ But no - you decided you were far too important to ‘engage’ with a mere child. At what age DO people become important enough for you to deign to speak to?

SnuggyBuggy · 23/09/2018 19:19

Not answering someone is also very rude IMO. Just say no, it's a toy from home, not for sharing, go away please.

Welshmaiden85 · 23/09/2018 19:20

Massive overreaction on your part. A child wanted a toy. He has been taught to share his toys so he uses this logic that your son should too. You confuse him with your (bizarre) refusal to explain. Why didn’t you say “actually this isn’t a pool toy so we are keeping it here. Maybe you can bring your own toy next time” or similar. Kids don’t get the perfect nuance of social interaction! Just explain for goodness sake. Of course he’s entitled, he’s 5.

ButchyRestingFace · 23/09/2018 19:22

I think OP has left the swimming pool building. Sad

caroloro · 23/09/2018 19:22

Wow. How rude of you. How mean spirited! Absolutely it's fine to not share your own toys from home with random kids, but for goodness sake....this is a little child. You could havw just explained that it was your toy from home and not for sharing.

Let's not forget that this little kid has seen the toy be passed already from one child to another (the little child isn't to know that the person who passed it to you was a friend).

You should have been clearer with your words. Hats off to the little kid for assertiveness and persistence!

WorraLiberty · 23/09/2018 19:22

"It doesn't belong to the pool, it belongs to his friend".

Job done.

Welshmaiden85 · 23/09/2018 19:24

pirateweasle The “politeness towards your elders” I just fundamentally disagree with as a concept. I teach my kids to be polite and kind in general, but adults aren’t another species. This boy wasn’t rude, he didn’t snatch it, he asked a child to share. The adult was odd in this senario.

NoSleepzzzz · 23/09/2018 19:26

Ducks, you seem to have very little grasp of children and the way they see the world. Why all the outrage? To a 5/6 year old, anything that doesn't go their way can appear unfair. All you had to do was explain that it was a toy from home and that it wasn't for general use by other kids. For goodness sake, you sound as childish as this child. At least he's got an excuse for his behaviour.

KickAssAngel · 23/09/2018 19:28

I think people are missing the bit where it was the third time that the boy was asking for the toy - he wasn't taking no for an answer!!

By the age of 5 or 6 I expected DD to understand that if she was told 'no' then to keep asking was rude and she should stop. Toddlers clearly don't get that yet, but by school age kids should be able to hear 'no' and accept it. It's a really important lesson for everyone to learn.

Quartz2208 · 23/09/2018 19:28

I cant understand why you simply did not say sorry its his toy/friends toy he brought from home

He sounds like a lonely child wanting some attention.

You sound rude and odd

JacquesHammer · 23/09/2018 19:30

I think people are missing the bit where it was the third time that the boy was asking for the toy - he wasn't taking no for an answer!!

He wasn’t taking no for an answer because the OP said “very little”.

I cannot understand being rude for the sake of it to a child. It would have taken 10 seconds to say “we bought this one from home, maybe you can find one that belongs to the pool”.

user1473878824 · 23/09/2018 19:30

You’ve made a mountain out of a molehill.

Welshmaiden85 · 23/09/2018 19:31

KickAssAngel I don’t think most children would just except a strange no with no explaination against the normal rules of the pool.

I think he sounds pretty typical. I’m a teacher, so see a lot of 5 year olds.

GiantKitten · 23/09/2018 19:33

OP says the pool doesn't do toys at all - just floats & noodles.

So it could not have been a toy for public use, & unless the child had never been to this session before surely he would know that. He was just trying it on.

I agree that it would have been better if OP had said in the first place that it was brought from home, but maybe she's not used to dealing with that level of confident demand from a child that age? (& his persistence would have got right up my nose!)

IHATEPeppaPig · 23/09/2018 19:37

@KickAssAngel I don't think the OP actually said no did she?

OP I think this is bizarre behaviour from you, I honestly don't understand why you would be so rude to a 5 year old, even if they were annoying you- they are children? So so weird.

Quartz2208 · 23/09/2018 19:40

OP it strikes me your answer never told the kid it wasnt for public use. Children are bombarded with the notion of sharing so he was waiting his turn because he thought it was a toy for sharing.

Why on earth didnt you disavow him of this notion with one v simple sentence