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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dietary requirements at childrens parties!

136 replies

partypolitics1 · 23/09/2018 10:41

Name changed for this, regular user but thought I'd put this question to the wise mumsnetters.

DDs 6th birthday party yesterday, she only started at this school last year so haven't gotten to know all the mums and children yet. She was desperate for a party so we hired a hall and an entertainer and invited the whole class, all RSVPed.

We put on a kids buffet (party was 1-3 so not over any meal times) including 3 types of sandwich (cheese, jam & ham), sausage rolls, variety of crisps, cheese straws, chocolate cakes, biscuits, cocktail sausages and a few other "party" bits, did a token bowl of cucumber sticks and some grapes but as expected they went untouched.

Most parents let their children pick what they wanted, one came up quite aggressively to me and said my son can't eat any of this, did you make any gluten free alternatives? I was a bit taken back and as my child isn't gluten intolerant I genuinely Don't know what is and isn't gluten free but would have expected her to mention this on the RSVP as I wouldn' t instinctively cater for additional dietary requirements? When collecting the party bag and cake she made a point of removing the sweet treat and saying it was such a shame her DS can't have any of the cake while he pulled a dissapointed face that made me feel so guilty.

My sister had made the cake but couldn't attend the party on the day, another parent asked if it was vegetarian. I couldn't get a response from my sister during the party so I just had to say I assume so?

AIBU to think if your child has an additional dietary requirement you would mention this when replying? I could have them prevented both scenarios but both parents were huffy and a bit stroppy?!

OP posts:

Nellyelora · 23/09/2018 10:43

They're rude. You're not psychic - they should have told you.

UnicornSparkles1 · 23/09/2018 10:44

Ignore it. There's always one or in your case two. I hope your daughter enjoyed her party.

NeverTwerkNaked · 23/09/2018 10:44

I have 2 children with severe allergies and agree with you, if no one had told me their child had an allergy / intolerance I wouldn’t have thought to cater for one “just in case”!

I always message the party host about allergies and offer to bring safe food for mine so they don’t have to worry about catering for them. That seems to be the approach most parents of allergic children take.

My step son’s party is coming up next week and no one has messaged to say their child has allergies so I will be ordering the same food for all of them (except for my two)

She was being V unreasonable!

Pagwatch · 23/09/2018 10:45

My two children have allergies and I would never just rock up at a party and expect them to have catered for that

She was being a dick

moanaschicken · 23/09/2018 10:47

Surely all cakes are vegetation suitable? I haven't had one full of bacon yet!

Totally unreasonable parents. If you need something else mention it when you rsvp or put up.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 23/09/2018 10:47

Pay no attention to her. She can’t have seriously assumed the birthday cake was going to be gluten free to accommodate her child’s allergy which she didn’t even think to make you aware of?
Daft mare.

Glumglowworm · 23/09/2018 10:48

YANBU

They were rude. Nobody would cater to requirements that they didn’t know exist!

Justnoclue · 23/09/2018 10:48

Ignore them. There’s always a couple of batshit parents in every school year.

It’s not your job to plan for every possible dietary requirement. If parents have DC with food restrictions they should either let you know well in advance OR bring their own food. That’s what people did when DD was in primary.

You've encountered a couple of ‘the world should revolve around my child’ idiots. Ignore them.

TellMeItsNotTrue · 23/09/2018 10:52

Gluten free - YANBU definitely should have told you in advance or provided own food (most would do the latter as food could still have cross contamination)

Vegetarian - YANBU odd question, as a vegetarian I have never asked if a normal sponge cake was suitable, I don't see what could be in it that wasn't. I doubt it was vegan due to eggs and butter, but I don't see how/why it wouldn't be vegetarian. Glad they didn't make a fuss about food and just chose the vegetarian foods that you had provided

Original poster

partypolitics1 · 23/09/2018 10:53

Surely all cakes are vegetation suitable? I haven't had one full of bacon yet!

I thought that at first really, I did think possible gelatine or something along those lines?

The thing is that if I'd known it genuinely wouldn't have been an issue to pick up some gluten free sausage rolls and crisps or similar. Not sure how easily the cake can be made gluten free but if its just a case of tweaking the ingredients that could have been done too but we are meat eaters with no allergies so it wouldn't have crossed my mind to do some just in case!

OP posts:

RocknRolla · 23/09/2018 10:56

Yanbu. My niece is gluten free and her mum always takes food for her at parties.

doleritedinosaur · 23/09/2018 10:56

Ignore them, they should have said when they replied.
My DC have dairy intolerances & I always offer/bring food for them.

Her son could have had the fruit. They just didn’t think & should not have taken it out on you.

0rlaith · 23/09/2018 10:56

It’s usual to ask on the invitation if anyone has dietary requirements .

3 types of sandwich (cheese, jam & ham), sausage rolls, variety of crisps, cheese straws, chocolate cakes, biscuits, cocktail sausages and a few other "party" bits, did a token bowl of cucumber sticks and some grapes but as expected they went untouched

The only things that are gluten free there are the cumcber and grapes. While perhaps an adult who was GF might have eaten them, I’m not sure a child would sit happily tucking into cucumber while his friends ate chocolate cake and biscuits.

I know some, adults find this annoying but GF children are still children!

Most hosts also provide plenty vegetarian options as that also caters for Muslims and Hindus. So it’s safer to make thing like a birthday cake vegetarian and provide an alternative to jelly .

JynxaSmoochum · 23/09/2018 10:57

YANBU. You let the party hosts know in advance so either enough appropriate food is provided or they don't waste food if it's more appropriate to provide your own if the ingredients are too awkward to avoid.

Catspyjamazzzz · 23/09/2018 10:58

DD is coeliac, we just take our own food. Anything anyone bought would probably be contaminated anyway.

I have had several parents ‘put out’ she hasn’t eaten the food provided though.

TheSandgroper · 23/09/2018 11:01

From someone who’s hard to cater for and sprogged one the same, fold your arms, plant your feet, look that one in the eye and tell her “i am not unreasonable but no contact, no special arrangements. That was your choice “. Just don’t take that shit. I always contacted the hosting parent and made arrangements. I never had problems. It’s very easy to do.

Mind you, that is likely to not come to an arrangement. She will want you to do it her way or no way so don’t give it another thought.

Original poster

partypolitics1 · 23/09/2018 11:02

There were vegetarian options food wise, did some cheese pizza, cheese straws, the crisps etc. Had I known someone was vegetarian I could have got some veggie sausages etc. Didn't even think of the cake tbh was just a normal cake, buttercream icing and jam filling, then normal icing and decorated with icing.

I Didn't think to ask for dietary requirements I just assumed there weren't any and that a parent would let me know if there was to avoid their child missing out.

I just felt so sad for her DS who went hungry and then was sad he couldn't take any cake and a half empty party bag as I had taken out the things he couldn't have.

OP posts:

user1471426142 · 23/09/2018 11:04

It’s so annoying when people get the hump but don’t declare any dietary requirements. I remember I had a few at my wedding that didn’t eat red meat but hadn’t said anything when asked. I think the venue managed to get them an alternative but they had to wait. For those that had said something, I made sure they had an alternative and my venue was great for allergies, preferences etc. It is easy to cater when you know- it’s a pain in the arse if you have to make last minute arrangements. The party mum was just a cow really as even if he couldn’t have anything, she didn’t need to make a big dea of it.

CoughLaughFart · 23/09/2018 11:06

I know some, adults find this annoying but GF children are still children!

Yes, but if you don’t know a gluten-free child is coming you can’t cater for them!

TheGoddessFrigg · 23/09/2018 11:07

It's usual to ask on the invitation if anyone has dietary requirements

It's a children's party not an airline.

Airaforce · 23/09/2018 11:10

My dd has a specific dietary requirement and I always state on the rsvp that dd has x. If the parent can't cater for her for whatever reason I'm happy to take along some food. There is a girl in dd's class with a severe allergy and her mum always takes along a packed lunch to parties with a cake so she doesn't miss out. The parent was a rude, bad mannered twat imo.

Original poster

partypolitics1 · 23/09/2018 11:10

I know some, adults find this annoying but GF children are still children!

That's the thing though is that it would have been sorted without question had I have known it would have been catered to no problem, I felt awful for the boy going without food and cake whilst everyone else ate but felt quite angry too that the mum had put me in that situation. The party itself was on a budget really so I just wouldn't have thought to cater to lots of different needs I just did a standard buffet of a few different bits that I thought most children would eat.

OP posts:

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 23/09/2018 11:13

It’s not at all usual to ask about dietary requirements on the invitation. It’s fine to assume any parent with half their wits intact will tell you of their child’s dietary requirements, should they have any.

ApocalypseNowt · 23/09/2018 11:13

People who have genuine dietary requirements &/or allergies, etc are very good at flagging these in good time and usually offer to bring their own food.

One of my DD's best friends is vegan. They always offer to bring their own pack up to parties but I make sure there's plenty of stuff they can eat anyway so they don't feel left out. I wouldn't have thought to do that if I wasn't aware though.

Imho it's those with not-so-genuine intolerances/allergies who are a pain and either don't let you know or make a big fuss about it (which makes it worse for genuine sufferers!).

Andro · 23/09/2018 11:14

There were vegetarian options food wise, did some cheese pizza, cheese straws,

Cheese isn't always vegetarian.

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