To ask how you deal with the incredibly spoiled children of your friends?

[Merryoldgoat]

Just that really.

We’ve had some friends over today with their children.

It was awful. They’re overindulged little drama lamas and they absolutely destroyed my son’s room.

Their parents were entirely unconcerned.

I sent a message after they left to explain the extent of the horror and they’re apologetic but I honestly am shocked.

My son is no angel by any stretch but he’d never behave like that, never.

I feel very upset by the lack of respect.

I’m suffering from PND so am a bit sensitive and I don’t really know what I want to say. I just had to vent a bit,

Disgraceful behaviour on the part of the kids, but the parents did try to help & Op didn't want them to, so not much more they could do is there?

I would be horrified and extremely upset if my ds’s room was left like this.
I am very selective about who DS is allowed to have over, as opposed to go and play at their house.
I usually check a couple of times during play dates and get the children to do an interim tidy, otherwise they are too knackered at the end and the parent arrives. ( Who btw also ask them to tidy, but it’s not the same as you are aware they need to go.)

Hope you have a better day today op.

I feel sorry for the children of some parents who would put a stop to their friendships because on one occasion when they weren’t supervised they made a huge mess.
Presumably if any other friends say anything mean ever they’re gone as well (worse than making a mess imo). I get cutting ties with kids if they persistently behave badly but all children do silly things sometimes.
If the ops ds is that easily lead then they need to be supervised. What if the other children had decided to get your medication and pretend they were sweets for eg? I doubt these other children have come up with some kind of manipulative plan. They were just playing a game that was likely very fun for them and much less fun for the adult who ends up having to do the bulk of the tidying. It was thoughtless because they’re young and didn’t think ahead not because they were trying to create work for you.
If your son is able to understand then I’d have a chat with him about making his own decisions. In school if he goes and clobbers someone because another’s child tells him to he will still get into trouble for it.

I experienced friends like that when my first daughter was a baby . They were no longer our friends by the time I had my second.
I remember their lack of manners at meals too, spitting out food and being allowed to take all tje cucumber out of the shared salad because they didn't like it !

OP i understand how you feel. That is not a normal level of kid's just being messy. That is deliberate and would suggest these children know no boundaries. This is the fault of the parents and not the children. Have a restful day and hopefully you will start to feel calmer.

A friend of my son came to ours recently. I caught him throwing Lego
He’s 10.

I stood over him and insisted he pick up every piece of it

Totally unacceptable

All children go bonkers with excitement when visiting friends and although your photo does look extreme, it's fairly normal. I'm very sceptical of parents who say "my little darlings would never do such a thing" because in my experience those are the children who are usually the worst because the parent is denial and turns a blind eye.

It is very annoying, but the best way to manage it is to keep the children downstairs with toys that you have selected.

It seems a shame that you're prepared to lose a friend who has accepted and apologised when this is a temporary problem and one day you'll look back and laugh at the carnage of the dreaded play date.

If you are very anxious and house proud, it might be fairer for everyone if you don't have any children to the house.

I have three children of my own and over the years have probably had dozens of children here for playdates. None of them have EVER made mess on this scale. Yes my youngest and his friend have tipped out all the Lego on the floor but just the Lego and put it all back in crates when asked.

Systematically tipping out all board games and jigsaws onto the floor and strewing laundry around is not normal behaviour. I would be absolutely livid and ca see why the OP is reconsidering the friendship - you want to be friends with people who have the same values as you do and these parents clearly don't. And the children would certainly not be back in my house ever again. Little beasts.

I've had this Op too.
My kids were a little younger than yours, the children who came round were of similar ages to my two.
My boys shared a room back then, as we had a 2 bedroom house.
They emptied the wooden toy box, dragged out toys stored under the bed,
they too were up and down the stairs, and I had already got them to tidy up once, so never thought anything of it.
When they went, there were toys back all over the floor, some broken, my youngest was in nappies they ransacked the changing unit, a whole pack of wipes and a box of tissues spread all over the floor, you couldn't actually see the carpet!
The older ones started school not long after, and we started meeting at local park instead,
They are all in their middle to late teens now.

I am still friends with the mums. I've never forgotten that day.

I'd be livid. There's making a mess when you play (wanting to get every toy out before moving on to the next etc) but this is deliberately making a mess purely for its own sake. At those ages, the older one anyway, they should know about consequences but it didn't seem like there were any for them and they're not being taught to respect other people's things. I can't believe they didn't offer to tidy up, most parents I know would be mortified. They clearly don't give a shit you've got to spend hours extra doing housework due to them

What is their house like OP? If this would be acceptable in their house then I think I'd just put it down to parenting differences and closely supervise play dates or meet up outside the house

If it's different rules at their house then I'd be more upset as they would then be deliberately treating yours with a lack of respect

Again it's not the actual mess that would bother me, all kids can give in to their impulses and behave like shits sometimes. It's the parents glossing over it without offering to help, apologising properly, or having any consequences for their kids

Dolly

I’m not at all super tidy or a neat freak - I’m actually very relaxed - this was beyond anything.

And my son wouldn’t do that - he’d never even think to mess with laundry, toiletries, shoes etc. No way - it’s not how he plays.

I don’t want to lose them - I just need a bit of space.

Lol at the poster who said you must be house proud if you're upset about this.

Being pissed off spending 2 hours sorting through various bits of games to put them back in the right box when you're dealing with finding a new baby hard...yeah that's the definition of 'houseproud'...

You should have been supervising more closely from the look of that- I would never leave such young children upstairs alone long enough for the bedroom to get in that state- regular checks are the answer when friends are around.

That is appalling! I certainly wouldn’t be in a hurry to have them round again.

Have the parents replied to your text message? If it were me, I would be absolutely mortified that my children made such a mess, and would be round with flowers and wine, and make the children apologise in person to you.

I'm really horrified. I have kids over a lot and sometimes ones who other parents won't have because I want to try. It's never been this bad!!
My two have to explain the rules at the start which is we don't go in mummy's room or the spare room. I've never had to say not in laundry basket!! I expect the dressing up clothes and the barbies topped out but never all the puzzles I want to give the op a hug it's grim.

I hope you're son is ok x

This is why I don't let the play dates go off to the bedrooms! It's always better to keep them in sight.

Pixel

They have replied, they’ve apologised and I’ve accepted their apology. As I said I’m not ranting at them - I just feel utterly gobsmacked.

My son’s diagnosis is quite new, he doesn’t often have a chance to play with others so I just wanted to encourage the friendships without hovering around constantly. It’s just all stuff I’m not used to.

I was putting the room back together until nearly 1am, baby was up from 4 until 5.30 and older boy woke up at 8.30 so I’m utterly exhausted which hasn’t helped how I feel.

I think really it's kind of resolved, you've said what you think to them and they've apologised. They offered to help but I understand you'd have preferred to not have them going through your things.

Hope you have a better day today.

It is Piggy.

I’ll just manage things differently in the future.

I don't think I'd want to be friends with people who are so utterly disrespectful of your home.

If the apology sounds genuine, and not one that sounds forced or to shut you up from going on about it, then I'd let it drop.
But I wouldn't forget it! Not least because they would never be allowed upstairs or anywhere else in my house to play again.
Hope you can get some rest later today.

When they were younger I'd thin the toys out a bit and hide some things that I knew would be tipped out and just crunched all over.

My 7 yos friends are a lot better now but the younger ones I still do that.

I'm sure I've had a few experiences (not as bad as yours with the clothes) that led me to start doing that.

You sound like a very reasonable person and I think you've handled things well.

Having a baby just really puts the tin hat on it when you've got to clean up. When my little DS was 4 weeks relatives called in and fed their small children, did not tidy up and left a horrendous mess of thrown food etc. I can remember how pissed off I was that day.

Yup, that's horrible behaviour. A 7 and 5 yr old should know better, I wouldn't expect to have to supervise that age group.

I've had this. Dd was friends with a boy and his sister who used to do this every time they came over. Lego buildings completely torn to bits and scattered everywhere, things stomped on, all boxes and drawers tipped out for no good reason. Mother would sometimes do an eye roll and shrug. I feel for you as their house looked like that all the time, but mine didn't - because I did care and did put in work to keep it nice. Dd may not always put things back where she got them but she isn't in the same league as these. It used to really stress her out because I'd get cross and make her help tidy every time. I was trying to put too much on her to stop them, which isn't always fair or possible. It ruins the week as you have to put all of it back and sift through what is now broken and unusable. I really feel for you (((hugs))). FWIW I don't see the friend any more (3 years of friendship later) and my house is so much cleaner and tidier and our evenings stress-free. All the toys are where we left them and not broken or covered in suspicious sticky stuff, walls don't have handprints on...bliss!