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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sick of this situation with school mum not liking me?

176 replies

WatsonCat · 22/09/2018 14:48

DS is in year 5. Within his first few days in reception another mum from his year decided that she didn't like me. I don't know why. I'd had no interactions at all with her and DS wasn't even in her DS's class.

I'm not particularly bothered if she doesn't like me; I've got plenty of friends away from the school gates, and have become friends with some mums of DS's friends over the years.

But what does bother me is her behaviour. She is a bully/ringleader type. She has said many a time to her friends as I've walked past them or been standing near to them "I can't stand her", and sometimes bitches about me loudly. People put it down to me and her 'not getting on' but I've never really even engaged with the woman, and I'm not really the type to want to get into confrontations or feuds with people. She has also told her son that she doesn't like me, who has told my DS at school repeatedly over the years.

Anyway, I have been on the PTA for about 4 years now. The school has had trouble recruiting PTA members and there are very few of us, so I've done a lot of PTA things over the years; helping out at school events and during the day at school sometimes, plus other paperwork and organisational work at home. This mum that doesn't like me has now decided that she would like to join the PTA, and she phoned the head of the PTA about it. The head of the PTA then spoke to me at the school yesterday and said something along the lines of "X would like to join the PTA. I know you two don't get on but we need all the help we can get so I am telling you that I don't want any trouble when she joins, you need to make the effort to get on with her"

AIBU to be incredibly fucked off with this as a) It is not me that 'doesn't get on with her', its her that doesn't like me b)I've helped on the PTA for ages and clearly they're prioritising someone new's feelings over mine and c)I'm not the type to get involved in any trouble or confrontation at all! I've certainly never got involved in any at school or with this woman!

OP posts:
BunnyCarr · 22/09/2018 14:51

Did you not set the head of the PTA straight?
why are you putting up with this bullying?

jarhead123 · 22/09/2018 14:51

I'd be inclined to tell the PTA lady to shove it!

Bless you. Horrible when someone dislikes you for no reason. No advice really sorry

Herehere66 · 22/09/2018 14:52

Clearly you are the problem here. They want the other mum to join with out you giving her a hard time.

BunnyCarr · 22/09/2018 14:53

Yep i'd also stop doing all this free work and tell the PTA head good luck finding someone else to do it all.
how ungrateful she sounds.

oneofthose · 22/09/2018 14:54

@Herehere66 did you even read the post? Op has said she's never actually engaged with this mum so how can she be the problem?

Original poster
WatsonCat · 22/09/2018 14:54

I did set the PTA Head straight but I'm not sure whether she believed me or not. I probably won't bother helping out on the PTA anymore though.

OP posts:
W0rriedMum · 22/09/2018 14:54

I would explain to the head of the PTA that you don't even know the woman but she clearly has some issue with you, so you're going to step back from the PTA.
Your son has 2 years left at school, so it's no loss to you and you have your own friends.
Is there a possibility that this woman knows you from school/college/childhood but you've forgotten? It seems so bizarre.

scaryteacher · 22/09/2018 14:55

YANBU - I would point out to the head of the PTA that she will be down one member if she takes that attitude with you again (in a polite MN way with a tinkly laugh and a head tilt); I would further point out that you have never engaged with horrid Mum at all, and you don't have a scooby why she has it in for you. I would then say that if, after knowing you for four years, she thinks you're the trouble maker, then perhaps she would like you to leave the PTA forthwith?

I would then see how it goes with horrid Mum, and if it doesn't work, then leave. If you've done four years, then you've done enough imo.

Lemontart25 · 22/09/2018 14:55

@herehere66

Are you the other mum? Hmm

LilQueenie · 22/09/2018 14:55

You need to tell the PTA and possibly the headteacher that you have no idea why she does not like you, that you have had zero interaction with her and that her child has told your child she hates you. Make it clear because as it stands they appear to think something has happened.

W0rriedMum · 22/09/2018 14:55

Our posts crossed but basically said the same thing anyhow.

RSTera · 22/09/2018 14:55

What herehere? OP says she has barely ever spoken to this woman??

BunnyCarr · 22/09/2018 14:56

too right OP. i'd be so tempted to tell them to shove it up their arses, but I suppose its better to remain classy.

CallingDannyBoy · 22/09/2018 14:57

You’ve done your stint - time to do the odd thing going forward but let the ‘other’ mum take it on. Wonder if she is doing it to annoy you - hasn’t managed to do it by sniping in the playground so going for another approach. She doesn’t sound very altruistic so PTA chair may regret this.

MetalMickey22 · 22/09/2018 14:59

Leave them to it.

LusaCole · 22/09/2018 14:59

Maybe this will be a good opportunity to demonstrate that it really is her problem, not yours?

Tell the chair that you have absolutely no issue with her joining the PTA. Don't go out of your way to be nice to her, but be polite and calm.

Herehere66 · 22/09/2018 14:59

Apologies miss read as was similar to another post Blush
Apologies op, I would tell her stuff it, they will soon see what monster mum is like Flowers

LusaCole · 22/09/2018 15:00

I wouldn't step down unless you want to.

Anythingforacatslife · 22/09/2018 15:01

Have you asked her what her problem is? It’s very odd for someone to just take such a dislike for no reason.

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 22/09/2018 15:02

What scaryteacher said. Call or email her again to reiterate what you said - that you have never even interacted with her but she seems to have taken a dislike to you from the word go, that you don't want any trouble but she seems determined to make it, and that you find it interesting that she thinks you're the troublemaker after four years of working together.

How would you feel about going up to the mum (perhaps with a friend of yours in tow as a 'witness') and saying, politely, 'I don't feel I really know you at all but I have noticed you seem to have some difficulty [don't say 'problem'] with me. Now it seems we're going to be working together on the PTA - thank you for being willing to help, by the way!* - would it perhaps be sensible for you to let me know why you dislike me so I can put it right if possible?'

(*This bit establishes your status as the PTA 'old hand' who has the right to 'welcome' her)

bigKiteFlying · 22/09/2018 15:02

I did set the PTA Head straight but I'm not sure whether she believed me or not. I probably won't bother helping out on the PTA anymore though.

Probably the best approach - if they find this other woman does fuck all they may try and get you back on board.

I'd find that phone call very insulting.

BroomHandledMouser · 22/09/2018 15:02

I’d ask her outright what her problem is tbh.

I often find that when you do this, it shocks them and they’re usually pretty stumped with words. Bullies usually count on this not happening.

I wouldn’t be rude about it, maybe something along the lines of

‘Hello, I’m xxxxx mum. Have I upset you in some way? It’s just that the other day I walked past and heard you saying some unkind things about me. I’m not sure where it’s coming from so perhaps we could talk about it?’

Failing that. Tell her she’s a cunt Grin

Maelstrop · 22/09/2018 15:03

Fuck ‘em, leave bitch features to it, if they’re so desperate for help, they can keep her.

Bluelady · 22/09/2018 15:04

Tell the head of the PTA to stuff it where the sun don't shine and put your hard work into something where it will be appreciated.

WobbleTime · 22/09/2018 15:07

I would just step down from helping if I were you. Unless you definitely want to continue in which case you need to make it clear it’s her who has the issue with you and not the other way round.
If it were me I’d just leave them to it

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