To be sick of this situation with school mum not liking me?

[WatsonCat]

DS is in year 5. Within his first few days in reception another mum from his year decided that she didn't like me. I don't know why. I'd had no interactions at all with her and DS wasn't even in her DS's class.

I'm not particularly bothered if she doesn't like me; I've got plenty of friends away from the school gates, and have become friends with some mums of DS's friends over the years.

But what does bother me is her behaviour. She is a bully/ringleader type. She has said many a time to her friends as I've walked past them or been standing near to them "I can't stand her", and sometimes bitches about me loudly. People put it down to me and her 'not getting on' but I've never really even engaged with the woman, and I'm not really the type to want to get into confrontations or feuds with people. She has also told her son that she doesn't like me, who has told my DS at school repeatedly over the years.

Anyway, I have been on the PTA for about 4 years now. The school has had trouble recruiting PTA members and there are very few of us, so I've done a lot of PTA things over the years; helping out at school events and during the day at school sometimes, plus other paperwork and organisational work at home. This mum that doesn't like me has now decided that she would like to join the PTA, and she phoned the head of the PTA about it. The head of the PTA then spoke to me at the school yesterday and said something along the lines of "X would like to join the PTA. I know you two don't get on but we need all the help we can get so I am telling you that I don't want any trouble when she joins, you need to make the effort to get on with her"

AIBU to be incredibly fucked off with this as a) It is not me that 'doesn't get on with her', its her that doesn't like me b)I've helped on the PTA for ages and clearly they're prioritising someone new's feelings over mine and c)I'm not the type to get involved in any trouble or confrontation at all! I've certainly never got involved in any at school or with this woman!

I'd leave the PTA without making any comment. They'll be embroiled in some drama in a short time and you dont want to be mixed up in that.

She's obviously getting into the p t a to get to you and if you let them railroad over you it will be hell. I would jack it in and see how long they last without your experienced free labour. This woman is doing this because she has failed to make you bite and after all these years of not being interested in the p t a she's going in after you.

She’s clearly only joining to try to get at you. I’d step down before she joins (so she can’t claim you’ve victimised her in any way). I imagine she’ll leave herself once she realises that you aren’t there any more.

Thing is, if you leave- then it’ll be easier to for her to make it look like you’re the one with the problem.

(Assuming the rest of the PTA members are nice, normal people) then it’ll soon become clear that she’s a bully if she starts making ridiculous comments about not liking you every time you walk in, and she’ll hopefully be asked to leave.

This is bullying and it makes me angry.

How much does the PTA mean to you?
If you are not bothered it may be best to step down, however, if this is something you enjoy, then don’t!
Just explain to the head of the PTA in an email (always best in writing). Do your thing and she will soon show herself up as she can’t seem to refrain from her cruel remarks.

I had just read page one and was then going to post exactly what SaucyJack has said.

Give it a meeting or two and maybe an event and see if it actually is that big a problem. She might be different without her entourage/backup.
Otherwise, just give her enough rope.

God I'd be saying to PTA woman "Yes, from what I hear she's always hated me, though I've never engaged with her and have no idea why. Because of this I can't work with her on the PTA of course, so see ya. Good luck, I'm sure she'll be as helpful as I've been."

I wonder if nasty mum wants to be on the PTA to get the chance to have a go at you or bitch about you some more. Whatever, I'd be getting out of her way.

If anyone else asks, you feel you've done your bit and have a lot on so are taking a break.

I agree with Saicy Jack that leaving will encourage the view that you have the problem.

I also suspect that maybe her joining may be an attempt to push you out.

How much you care about either of those compared to just ditching it for an easy life, I don't know.

I'd go the easy life option because I haven't the headspace for that kind of nonsense.

i would wait til she has joined go up to her and say hi im watsoncat, ive seen you at the school gates etc really nice to have you on board, im sure you will be a massive help. dont mention anything about her not liking you etc. it will annoy her more. if she starts anything or ignores you just say to her im not sure if you have mistaken me for someone else as ive never even had a conversation with you to have a falling out!

Send PTA head an email (or letter, as appropriate) saying

"I don't actually understand why you had 'a word with me' about a situation that a) is not of my making, b) is outwith my understanding, c) is outwith my control, and especially d) hasn't actually happened yet, but I will make it easy for you and resign from all current involvement in the PTA. Just to be clear, I am NOT withdrawing from the PTA because of it's new member (who I don't know and have never had a conversation with). I AM withdrawing from the PTA because of what you said and the assumptions you had clearly made. Yours, WatsonCat"

Id quit the PTA. Honestly!

Well the good news is unless you have a younger child you are nearly done . Year 5 parents start moving away from playground.

I think year 5 I started stepping away from helping let the parents of others moving in.

I think I would be very tempted to tell them to shove it. Leave them to it .

I like @deflysilence ‘s email

"" I am telling you that I don't want any trouble when she joins, you need to make the effort to get on with her""

Why have they autoatically believed the other mum?

I'd be tempted to leave for tha reason tbh.

Sounds as if they have already decided who is th "blame"."

You missed your opportunity. The correct response was, "Who?".

I don't want any trouble when she joins, you need to make the effort to get on with her"

That would annoy the crap out of me.

Do what you want. If you want to quit, quit. If you don't, don't. Don't give her any head space.

I would be in two minds on this... I’d like to think I’d stick it out at the PTA, if nothing else but to be a thorn in her side. I bet my bottom dollar she’s joined to piss you off and try and run you out of the PTA. She sounds like she has little life and has to create drama around the only environment she has (the school run) So you can either dig your heels in and stay, make it as uncomfortable for her as possible by not bowing to her bullying, and hope she hangs herself.

Or

You could quit the PTA, you’ve only another 2 years until your dc leaves primary school for secondary and continue to ignore the bullying.

I’m quite non confrontational so I’d be tempted to do the latter and leave her to it. If you’ve enough friends without the school run then its easier and less hassle this way

I think you should tell the head teacher about that woman's behaviour and her snide remarks, tell her that she's been telling her kid she doesn't like you. Weirdo.

Also, Deaflys email would make you sound demented. This isn't worth getting upset about.

I'd be inclined to tell the PTA to shove it up their arse. Email them:

Dear PTA Leader

Following on from our recent discussion, I felt compelled to email you and express how disappointed I was with the way you spoke to me regarding SillyCow'sName. There was an unwarranted undertone of judgement and blame directed at me over SillyCow's behaviour, and I remain clueless as to why you gave me a verbal warning for a situation that has never been of my making.

I have freely given the PTA a great deal of support and time over the past few years, and I find your recent treatment of me and your presumptuous attitude extremely hurtful. To put it bluntly, it feels likes a complete slap in the face. I feel I can no longer offer the PTA my support and time in light of this recent development, so I will be withdrawing both from now on. You were very clear about not wanting any trouble with SillyCow joining us on the PTA, so I think it best to adopt the role of 'bigger woman' here and back away, before any more 'trouble' is fabricated. I don't believe the role of 'whipping girl' has ever been part of my ongoing commitments to the PTA, and I have no desire to introduce such a commitment now.

I sincerely wish the members of the PTA and SillyCow'sName all the very best in the future.

WatsonCat

Send deafly’s email. With a bit at the start maybe about how you are really rather confused about her telephone call and the attitude she has taken towards you.

Actually I really like
marydolls. I do wish people would be frank more often.

But that's another demented email.

The woman wants drama. Why give it to her?

Ignore her. Pretend she's nothing to you. Don't feed the troll.

CrazyMum sounds like a Grade A arsehole.

PTA Head can get to fuck.

It’s not demented. It’s forthright. People should stick up for themselves and make their positions clear, and crazy mum and the PTA head have behaved badly.

And OP needs to leave the PTA. She’ll get no peace at all is she stays, and crazy mum will make her life hell and act to poison others against her - which it appears from pta heads email will be all too easily done.

How did they know you don't get on? Did you talk about the other mum previously or did the she tell the head of the PTA?