AIBU to feel a lot of sympathy for Lily Allen?

[longwayoff]

The description of her childhood in her recent memoir sounds horrible and extremely damaging. As described, her self indulgent showbiz parents may have paved the way for her in her career but seem to have failed on every other level. Very depressing, I hope she gets a good therapist.

Her tweet about being robbed at the Mercury was a joke, if you read the whole quote it's pretty clear. However it's also clear that being selective helps some people justify being mean about her.
I'm not a fan. I don't like her music, and I think she's done lots of stupid things over the years. But, she had a shit childhood. That's not up for debate and inevitably it has damaged her. Everybody should agree that that is awful, and have some sympathy yes having money means access to better therapy and more options when you get older. But having money doesn't mean that you are psychologically less broken than someone who grew up in an average household abc who had shit parents.
Where's your empathy, people?

Not at all unreasonable to feel sympathy.

It's not unusual for people who have had a very difficult time of it to become quite unlikable, sometimes for an extended period, sometimes for their entire life if they never find a way out. A combination of nature and deeply imperfect nurture can play havoc on character, personality and behavioural development.

During the worst of the aftermath, when I needed support the most, I repelled people because the symptoms of trauma left me so unlikable, such hard work and increasingly desperate to attract the sort of positive attention I needed, but doing it in a way that got me the negative attention I needed the least.

I was my own worst enemy and nobody could help me because I gave them every reason, and then some, to reverse sharply when in my vicinity.

I spiralled down for a good while before I started to crawl back up. But I don't blame the people who stepped back from me with alacrity. I was a lot to take on even in a superficial, fairly arms length relationship. I blame the people who provided the trauma. And myself, because I was so focused on my victimhood I managed to marinade myself in self-pity to the point of self-imprisonment in pain.

I feel for her. I see a lot of how I used to be in her. But I wouldn't want to be around her. Drowning people can grab hold and take others down with them. And she is looking more water logged by the hour.

In some ways I think she is at a distinct disadvantage by being famous and well off. In those circumstances there will always be leech like people who will hang on, praise all choices, justify all blabs and say "yes" like a pet nodding doggy. That has to make it so much harder to bring the spiral downwards to a halt, with the realisation that if so many people are coming to the same unhappy conclusions about you, maybe it's not them being "haters" etc. , maybe it's you and who you have become.

Without that acceptance of rejection and dismissal having a foundation of truth in how you present to world, which can act like a brake on the downhill slide, it is probably a million times harder to start the uphill slog to something better for yourself.

I've met her and I like her. She has more character than some "celebrities" these days. Plus her stylist is ace.

She reminds me of myself when I was young and who hasn't been a total dick in their 20s regardless of upbringing?

Nope no sympathy, do not like her, she is a self indulgent narcissistic adult.

Strange that all these sad stories surface when she has a new album to release, she is in debt and needs to crawl out of it again, so what easier way to do so than to sell stories.

All the problems she has had as an adult she has brought on herself, her brother grew up in the exact same household as her and he seems to have a good career and adult life that he has created for himself.

But I would like to say my heart breaks for her and did when she had to give birth to her stillborn son, no woman should have to go through something like that.

I was not pro or anti (anyone the Daily Mail attacks regularly deserves sympathy in my book) until recently when LA jumped into a fairly minor Twitter silliness with Chris Eubank Jnr that had not involved her, and started taunting him by saying his father had given him away etc (Eubank Snr sent his kids away for reasons unclear). That was revolting. I was amazed at the level of unpleasantness to someone she didn't even know. If she is going to do things like that she can't really carry on complaining about what others say about her.

Yanbu. She appears to have had a shitty upbringing. Not everyone has the ability to overcome it.

I like her and I find it depressing how quick some women are to find fault with others. What exactly did Lily Allen ever do to you?

She is like a lot of what me and my friends were Like in our late teens and early 20’s
We all had kids and grew up. She hasn’t. She seems a really lost person with not much purpose which is why I think she likes to get on band wagons, to feel like she has a purpose.
When I see her or hear her I always think she struggles because she’s always fighting to be accepted. She’s not the greatest singer or songwriter - one of the nicest songs she ever sung was by Keane. So she’s constantly in battle mode to try prove herself. I kind of admire her spirit but now she has kids it’s kind of a bit sad. I hope they don’t end up emulating this sad drifting lost persona she has
I think she’s probably quite a depressed person

I wonder what kind of upbringing the prostituted woman who Lily paid to ‘make herself feel something’ had?

Tell it like it is mother!!!

I really like her. Her honesty is refreshing. She's a tad impulsive at times, but she's being herself in the public eye and there's something to admire about that.

I understand the anger about the Calais apology, but I also understand why she did it. If I found myself in a refugee camp amidst appalling poverty and desperation I might feel the need to apologise too.

She's the one who did that vile tweet about how the Rotherham girls would have been raped anyway isn't she? YABU, she's a nasty piece of work, and fully agree with Beaverhausen about the timing of these stories.

The oddest thing I heard about her was she bought a house for her dog sitter, as you do; (I have friends who know one of her very close friends).

I did feel a bit sorry for her when she said she thought she'd be a wonderful mother, then found out she wasn't.

What happened in her childhood?

@scottishlovely

Where is your empathy people?

I save that for people who actually DESERVE it. Not over-privileged, 'only famous coz my dad is,' sanctimonious champagne socialists, who constantly appoint themselves as the guardians of the minorities, and jump on every PC bandwagon going, and just HAVE to tell the world anything and everything they can to garner sympathy and publicity.

@Beaverhausen

Strange that all these sad stories surface when she has a new album to release, she is in debt and needs to crawl out of it again, so what easier way to do so than to sell stories.

All the problems she has had as an adult she has brought on herself, her brother grew up in the exact same household as her and he seems to have a good career and adult life that he has created for himself.

Well said.

@dorisdog

The press coverage and reactions to female celebrities is always so sexist and nasty.

Yeah, coz nothing negative is EVER said about MALE celebrities IS it?

Just because a person does not have a penis, that doesn't mean they don't deserve criticism. Especially when they CHOOSE to push themselves out into the public eye for publicity and sympathy. Lily Allen is a narcissistic, sanctimonious, over-privileged champagne socialist, who chooses to constantly put these stories out about herself, and she deserves all she gets frankly.

@StrongMummy

9amtrain There are plenty of people in the U.K. who have as far worse happen and can’t afford help! Focus your energy on them ffs.

Yeah this. ^

Neglect really. Her dad left and her mum used to go off partying and getting on with her life really. She said there were periods of stability (when her mum was married to Harry Enfield) but he got fed up with her drinking and buggering off to Ibiza for months.

All very 90s mediaaaa darling but with young children involved.

Lily says, anyway. Seems like their relationship is ok now, but that’s not surprising really.

The earlier posts commenting about how she is privileged as all her money will allow plenty of decent therapy etc. I hate that argument as whilst it may be true, that money will also allow much easier access to drugs/ alcohol and other 'short term fixes' those who were abused or had difficult childhoods often turn to. It can also mean there are more likely to be prayed upon by 'fake' people/ partners, causing even more trauma in adulthood.

If money was enough to 'fix' deep routed trauma, people like Amy Winehouse, Billie Holiday (just 2 of countless examples) would not have died tragically before their time. In fact, I believe that amount of fame and money makes them less likely to recover, not more.

I've not always been particularly fond of Lily Allen. However, I agree she is treated by the media much worse than males with similar attributes are. I also think she has a very caustic/ sarcastic sense of humour (probably born of defensiveness) that does not always translate very well, and that people often deliberately take the wrong way.

Nothing she has said has been bad enough to justify the level of vitriol aimed her way I don't think, and I for one hope she finds true happiness in her life.

Pookiedoo, she absolutaly slaughtered that Keane song. I love that song and she ruined it. For that alone I can't forgive her

She has always had an air of poor little rich girl. But I do feel very sorry for her because of her still birth. She has been very brave to speak about that.

Shame poor poor Lily :( Having to face her fans when she has a hangover.

www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-6196081/Lily-Allen-takes-daughters-book-signing-amid-claims-rude-star-refused-pictures.html

Yes agree with what a PP said. She comes across as the ultimate champagne socialist.

Can't stand her, full of herself and is self absorbed enough to think other people give a shit about her or what she thinks. She has little talent, can't see how she would have got anywhere without the connection to her father.

I read her horrific account of her 'tiny' deceased baby being stuck between her legs for 12 hours (half in and half out) as surgical implements couldn't be used due to the baby's undeveloped skin and I must say was utterly shocked that that would be allowed to happen in this day and age.

Well, it's hard not to feel sorry for someone who was raped at 14 by one of her dad's friends (the newspapers will minimise it of course, by saying she 'had sex with' him). Keith knew about it and joked with his friends. Fucker. What kind of a 'dad' does that? It sounds like she had an awful childhood. I get that lots of people do, and I feel equally sorry for them. I wouldn't be human if I didn't.

@prick and you know what addicts who aren’t as rich do to find their addiction? They steal, lie and beg. Please don’t be so naive. She has the money and therefore she has more access to therapy to get clean. She’s trying to sell a book. Yes it’s sad she had a difficult upbringing, many people do. Most don’t have access to a publisher to make a mint off it 🙄

Oh, and I don't particularly like her. But I still feel for her.