Shitty homemade Christmas Gifts

[justilou1]

I’m really loving the homemade Christmas gifts thread, and am watching it for inspiration. Can we start one for ideas for things to avoid - ie glitter-encrusted his&hers champagne flutes.

For me I'd rather nothing knitted or crocheted (take note MIL)
Also
Nothing twee eg pics of family made of stones.
I'd be very happy with a bean tin Christmas cake but I'd be a bit disappointed that it wasn't a full size one tbh.

People who won't eat home made food-do you never go to dinner?

I’ve given handmade quilts to siblings at Christmas (one per year in rotation) and their children when they went to university or left home. I THINK they were appreciated...

But a shitty handmade Mothers’ Day gift was a coconut and chocolate EDIBLE SCRUB () in a jar with a printed poem on the gift tag. Even 8yo DD knew it was shitty, knowing how many sticky mitts had gone through the stuff, and said the poem should have been replaced with the tag-line:
“Drub your chub with this scrub... then stuff it in your gob!”

I would like be a patchwork quilt!

I’ve slaved over rosehip syrup and Werthers vodka and would thoroughly appreciate similar in return. I’m eyeing up the sloes in the park this weekend.

Aaaand some people can’t see the difference between homemade presents and SHITTY homemade presents.

The thing is, though, that just as with shop bought items, one person's idea of the perfect gift, is anothers idea of tat. That much is obvious from the number of posts on this thread bemoaning homemade Christmas cakes (bean tin or otherwise) And jams or chutneys and those saying they love to receive them.
And whilst I would never want a crocheted coathanger, with or without plastic flowers, my 92 year old great auntie would love it.

Jensen Elephant - A knitted pouch for a kit kat I raise you a cosy for a Ferraro Rocha chocolate. I ate the chocolate and threw the cosy straight in the bin. Also knitted holders for mini packs of tissues.

Anyone who has ever made jam or received jam should watch this hilarious comedy sketch from Josh Widdicombe. I cried laughing the first time I watched it. 'Please be jam! Please be jam!'
I always felt sorry for Meg in Good Wives when her jam wouldn't 'jell'.

I give you these:

Sorry forgot the price: £45!

I like the look of those professionally looking baked bean cakes. The Poster upthread who showed hers are stunning. And I like the idea of a small cake for one or two who want Christmas cake because not everyone likes it, but the baked bean tin does makes a lovely small but unusually tall cake. I find the height a bit odd looking. It probably tastes great.
Some good ideas here. I love some made biscuits and treats, and would use bath stuff but I am also one to say let’s not do Christmas presents because it gets stressful and unnecessary. I like presents for kids and that’s it. Enjoy the day of food and company, end of, IMO.

DD makes the most amazing flapjacks. People fight for them!

Really, how many have ended up in a&e?

And I like the idea of a small cake for one or two who want Christmas cake because not everyone likes it, but the baked bean tin does makes a lovely small but unusually tall cake.

If people want a cake they will have bought one or made one. No-one needs a bite size christmas cake as a gift.

tinytemper what the hell! Who would buy that?

Name change beats me! 😂🤦🏻‍♀️

Cake in baked bean tin? How does this work? Ah well to be fair if it contains cake food in almost any form I'll figure it out

Have to add I'd probably delighted to get almost all of these

garethsouthgatesmrs, I don't think any one answered you. It is a fabric tube (like a jumper sleeve) the top is tied off and has a hook for hanging onto a door. The bottom is a drawstring closing. You push in/up all your plastic carrier bags for storage. Then pull one out when needed.
I am asking my sister to make me one for xmas. She is very talented at sewing and I keep forgetting to pack one of my dozen bags-for-life when I leave the house.

My Dc have reminded me about the coffee jar full of giant cadburys chocolate buttons decorated with icing and finger prints

Proper, homemade tablet is wonderful.

A cake shaped like an iPad? or a chocolate model of an iPad?

I can trump that with a knitted iPad cover (might have been crochet)

My friend has just taken my empty harris gin bottles to repurpose for christmas gifts - poor sods. I made it clear that once they left my threshold they were never to return.

www.harrisdistillery.com/harris-gin

To quote Victoria Wood, ‘A marvellous present for a newlywed or a blind person’.

My family and I don't exchange Christmas gifts as it's always crap we don't want. But my dh won't agree to this with his family, I end up with the stress of buying all their presents which I don't get thanks for. In return I get cheap shower sets and Primark running gear that doesn't fit me. I usually bring everything to the Oxfam shop.