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AIBU?

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Original poster

To only pay for vegan food at my wedding?

999 replies

ClaraBanana7 · 21/09/2018 14:52

Haven't set a date yet, but it'll be in around 2 years so it's not right around the corner or anything, but DP and I are both vegans. Neither of us have a problem with other people eating animal products, I don't think I've ever even brought up veganism unless I'm at a restaurant and need to order because I really hate confrontation and I've seen/heard so many cruel and horrible things being said to vegans. That said, we don't want to pay for the guests to be served animal products at our wedding.
Some of my friends think it's unfair and that restaurants etc are pandering to the vegan 'fad' (even though I've been vegan all my life) so I should cater to everyone's dietary requirements. I told them I was considering putting a meat option on the catering form, but that whoever picked it would have to pay for it themselves as I really don't want to give my own money towards that industry. But, my friends also think it's unfair that some people have to pay and others don't.
DP doesn't want to have an animal product option at all, and tbh I would also prefer this, but I want a way of not isolating people who can't go a meal without eating animal products.

OP posts:
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Karigan198 · 21/09/2018 15:59

Your wedding your good choice. I’ve been to Asian weddings with omg this is going to burn me alive curries, vegan weddings with vegan food, a fish and chip wedding, one where everyone was asked to make and bring a plate.

Each is different and suited to bride and groom so do what you two want. Congratulations and hope it’s a beautiful day

mumsastudent · 21/09/2018 15:59

vegan is fine but make sure - as I am certain you would - that their is plenty of variety -(think gluten here or nuts) perhaps ask people upfront for any allergies or intolerances - but you shouldn't be forced into meat - perhaps meat substitutes for carnivores. BUT have ingredients available.

raisedbyguineapigs · 21/09/2018 15:59

If your friends who peekaboo know your views are saying they will refuse to come to your wedding because you aren't serving meat, they are twats. I wouldn't mention it but seems menu cards with 2 or three vegan options on them for guests to choose. If they decide they can't possibly eat anything too such an extent that they have to decline the invitation, then you've saved yourself some cash and found out out who the twats are amongst your friends all in one go!

Veterinari · 21/09/2018 16:00

If you wouldn't be happy with that, perhaps you could explain why not. I see no difference.

@Silverysurfer the OP explains it very clearly on page 1 of the thread:

eating animal products and indirectly causing suffering to billions of farm animals as well as contributing heavily to climate change is something that I strongly disagree with despite many many others being okay with it. There is absolutely no way I'd pay for it,

TwittleBee · 21/09/2018 16:00

Blimey it is your wedding and serving only vegan food isn't gonna harm anyone for a day (as long as you do still provide any dietary requirements, e.g. someone is allergic to something you want to serve)

Do what you both want! Happy wedding planning!

(never get why people can be so Guestzilla!)

Karigan198 · 21/09/2018 16:00

Food choice of course damn auto correct. I wouldnt ask anyone to pay just serve vegan. If they’re still hungry because they are veg phobic lol they can buy something themselves

Samcro · 21/09/2018 16:00

I would love to know what you plan to serve op. I know nothing about vegan food.

LydiaLunch7 · 21/09/2018 16:01

I've been to 2 vegan weddings this year. One was the worst food I think I've ever eaten, bland stodge

Similarly, I've been to many weddings where the meal includes meat and is still bland and crap. I think that's a universal issue.

bridgetreilly · 21/09/2018 16:01

It's perfectly fine to have a vegan wedding. It's your day, you are the hosts, you get to make those choices. Everybody can eat vegan food, it's not like catering to allergies or other dietary requirements. You do not have to provide animal products, nor let other people pay for those choices.

LivininaBox · 21/09/2018 16:01

Presumably many of the guests will have been to your house for dinner at some point? You wouldn't have cooked meat for them then, so I don't see how not providing meat at your wedding is any different.

The only issue might be people with dietary requirements, I know two people with health issues that mean they would struggle to eat vegan. One can't eat beans, pulses or salad for example. You may need to be flexible and provide animal products to any guests with special diets.

Jeippinghmip · 21/09/2018 16:02

I have a Soya milk latte at Costa and it’s lovely.

Nightjane297 · 21/09/2018 16:02

@TheOneWith ...You seem lovely Confused. Not really any need for nastiness. There's always one tho hey!!

Bowerbird5 · 21/09/2018 16:02

DD went to a vegan wedding recently. She was delighted as she is vegan and some options at other weddings have been a bit eurgh. She said everyone including the meat eaters raved about the food. I eat meat and fish but like vegan food too.

If I was going to a Vegan couples wedding I would expect vegan food.
Go for the vegan menu. Have a happy day.

Deadbudgie · 21/09/2018 16:02

I’d be absolutely fine with this but guests of my parents generation would probably be expecting a meat and beg option and unlikely to eat some of the more interesting spectrum of vegan food. Just make sure there’s a plain Vega in cottage pie with plain vegetable base and potato’s or something similar don’t stick bean curd, chickpeas, beatroot, hummus etc in everything

Nacreous · 21/09/2018 16:02

For me, the problem with vegan food is cooking something that doesn’t then contain peas, beans, lentils or chickpeas. I like all of these foods, but if I eat any of them they make me really unwell. I also really struggle with chilli.

I’ve managed to do a decent enough vegan risotto before which meets those requirements, and obviously soups etc are very manageable. Puddings, again I struggle because the one of the classic egg replacers is chickpea water - but I’m not a vegan so my swerving skills are less than they would be otherwise. I think as long as you work out a way to cater for dietary requirements that don’t normally cause too much difficulty but can once it’s all vegan then it should be fine.

wafflyversatile · 21/09/2018 16:02

For all those saying 'Just serve vegan food' - I assume you would be happy then for a meat-eating couple to 'just serve a meat based meal' making no allowance for others who may be vegetarian or vegan. If you wouldn't be happy with that, perhaps you could explain why not. I see no difference.

Meat eaters don't just eat meat. They eat plant-based foods too. The absence of meat in a food doesn't stop them from being able to eat it. If you are vegetarian or vegan you have reasons that you eschew meat. Vegans serving vegan food aren't excluding meat eating people from being able to eat. Anyone can find they don't like the food served at a wedding. That's just a matter of taste. If the choice is chicken or salmon and you don't like chicken or salmon then tough luck. If the choice is veggie curry or squash and sage risotto and you don't like either of these things, also tough luck.

ConkerGame · 21/09/2018 16:03

I went to a vegan wedding and the food was amazing! Most of the guests weren’t vegan and the bride and groom were so worried about people not liking the vegan food that they put lots of effort into it and it was actually one of the best wedding meals I’ve had!

Just do vegan for everyone!

Gemini69 · 21/09/2018 16:03

I'm confused.... Confused

Whist the Vegan option is free, I thought OP's 'objection' was paying for a Meat alternative for some at her Wedding, and therefore was asking guests to pay for it themselves ?

I've attended a vegan Wedding in Bournemouth, there was a 5 course meal and a spectacular Wedding Cake all vegan, it was wonderful, there was not a single complaint out of hundreds of guests about no Meat or Dairy. Credit to those Chefs Flowers

Out of curiosity, does OP Pay above and beyond for a vegan option when invited to other occasions? Hmm

SymphonyofShadows · 21/09/2018 16:03

I'd eat a vegan meal but some older relatives might struggle with the idea. Just don't be pious or worthy about it, that's the thing that grinds people's gears.

BakedBeans47 · 21/09/2018 16:04

I’d provide vegan food only and be done with it. I don’t have a huge amount of time for veganism personally but I could certainly easily go a day without animal products. You wouldn’t expect alcohol or pork to be served at a Muslim wedding I don’t see this as any different.

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 21/09/2018 16:04

Another saying just do vegan. You may be able to get away with a meat substitute depending on what you pick without alerting people. That said if two vegans were getting married I'd expect the menu to be vegan.

Though if you have anyone with coeliac then you may have an issue depending on what you choose as gluten free and vegan can sometimes be tricky. Not impossible however.

TheHollowLeggedGoat · 21/09/2018 16:04

If you can get an amazing vegan caterer, you might blow people's mind

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 21/09/2018 16:05

Just googled out of interest. Some lovely vegan choices available. Anyone unable to go one meal without meat is having a bloody laugh. Honestly just make sure they've had a bacon butty in the morning!

www.bucklandhallweddings.co.uk/food-drink/vegan-menu

LydiaLunch7 · 21/09/2018 16:06

For me, the problem with vegan food is cooking something that doesn’t then contain peas, beans, lentils or chickpeas

Lots of Indian food is vegan and doesn't include pulses. And is still delicious.

PavlovaFaith · 21/09/2018 16:06

Please don't ask people to pay for meat. I absolutely love meat but it wouldn't bother me in the slightest to have a vegan meal. I'm a foodie so would probably enjoy the variation.