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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To only pay for vegan food at my wedding?

999 replies

ClaraBanana7 · 21/09/2018 14:52

Haven't set a date yet, but it'll be in around 2 years so it's not right around the corner or anything, but DP and I are both vegans. Neither of us have a problem with other people eating animal products, I don't think I've ever even brought up veganism unless I'm at a restaurant and need to order because I really hate confrontation and I've seen/heard so many cruel and horrible things being said to vegans. That said, we don't want to pay for the guests to be served animal products at our wedding.
Some of my friends think it's unfair and that restaurants etc are pandering to the vegan 'fad' (even though I've been vegan all my life) so I should cater to everyone's dietary requirements. I told them I was considering putting a meat option on the catering form, but that whoever picked it would have to pay for it themselves as I really don't want to give my own money towards that industry. But, my friends also think it's unfair that some people have to pay and others don't.
DP doesn't want to have an animal product option at all, and tbh I would also prefer this, but I want a way of not isolating people who can't go a meal without eating animal products.

OP posts:
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ConsiderHerWaysAndOthers · 21/09/2018 15:52

Have you heard of the Impossible Burger OP? I tried it for the first time this week (I’m a vegetarian) and it was actually a bit gross how meat like it was, it even looked like it was cooked rare! Meat eating DH genuinely could not tell the difference. Maybe you could do a BBQ and just serve those as the ‘meat’ option- no one would even know 😂

Autumn101 · 21/09/2018 15:52

Go for a vegan meal, if I was going to a wedding for a vegan couple I wouldn’t expect anything less! DH and I are meat eaters but wouldn’t have any issue at all, I think it’s sad that some of your friends would.......

Same as we weren’t surprised when we went to a Hindu wedding and there was no beef or a Muslim wedding and there was no pork or alcohol. We went to celebrate with people we cared about, if we want a nice dinner to our own tastes we’ll just go for dinner any old night

BlueberryPud · 21/09/2018 15:53

I eat meat, but I certainly wouldn't expect to have meat served up at the wedding of two vegans and it wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

I wouldn't worry about it any more. Just choose your vegan menu
and don't ask any more of your friends for opinions.
I think that for a lot of people the word 'vegan' conjures up an image of stringy green vegetables and dry oats.
That's because they are unimaginative and have never experienced any delicious vegan food. Now's your chance to show them.

gamerchick · 21/09/2018 15:54

Just do a vegan menu but maybe stay away from meat substitutes. Some people whos guts can't cope wouldnt thank you for the bad belly and explosive diarrhea afterwards. Get inventive type of thing.

Don't go with the 'if you want to be a murdering cunt then you can buy your own dinner' idea. Just take it out completely as has been said. You don't want people talking about your wedding invite centering on that.

Seniorcitizen1 · 21/09/2018 15:54

plantsarepeople whilst everything on your list can be eaten by vegans I bet nothing on your list has ever been served at a wedding

EdisonLightBulb · 21/09/2018 15:54

TBH, I would also only serve vegan food. Your family and friends know you are both vegan and despite being a meat eater I would actually be excited to try something vegan as like so many others I have difficulty thinking up vegan recipes.

Your wedding, your choice. As long as there's lots to eat, go for it.

proudbrows · 21/09/2018 15:55

Anyone who would complain at your wedding because there’s no meat doesn’t deserve to be there OP. They’re supposed to be coming to share your special day and to celebrate your marriage....not just because they want a piece of chicken!!

LeftRightCentre · 21/09/2018 15:55

And not everyone is going to be happy getting their kids chips the whole day

Then don't go! FFS. The level of entitlement is shocking. It's a wedding reception not a fucking restaurant.

Bitchywaitress · 21/09/2018 15:55

Watch out for the venue’s wine that’s served with the meal. (If you have a package with the caterers). In our place the only vegan red wine is £45 a bottle!

Original poster
ClaraBanana7 · 21/09/2018 15:55

@RandomObject That's a great idea! I'll add that to the list, if it weren't for you I can imagine I might have forgotten about kids.

OP posts:
Lovemusic33 · 21/09/2018 15:56

Your wedding so your choice. I’m a meat eater but I wouldn’t care if served vegan food (I’m not paying for it, you are). Those who are saying “I won’t eat vegan”, what do you actually think vegan food is? You probably already eat the things used to make vegan food but you add meat and dairy, they are not serving you cardboard, it’s just food.

Jeippinghmip · 21/09/2018 15:56

SilverySurfer

I’m a meat eater but I do not expect anyone else to eat meat and animal products, if they don’t want to.

I don’t live exclusively on meat, I eat a wide variety of plant based foods, as most of us do. Therefore I feel it is entirely acceptable to provide a vegan menu. I can’t find any problem with it at all, quite frankly. Surely everyone is able to enjoy a vegetable based day without feeling deprived.

Intruiged · 21/09/2018 15:56

Go vegan. Most people will accept an invite not based on menu options, but on their love for you. I'm veggie (trying very hard to be vegan) so if a wedding is only meat options id simply bring cereal bars or something to feed myself. I'd also be be unwilling to fund the meat industry at my own wedding, for ethical reasons. Just as I'd be unwilling to cook meat for dinner guests in my home. People who can't eat vegan for one meal to celebrate a loved one are too precious.

PlantsArePeopleToo · 21/09/2018 15:57

@Seniorcitizen1

And yet people who aren't vegans will happily tug into those foods whilst whining about how they could never attend a vegan wedding because they wouldn't be able to eat the food. Funny that Wink.

Storm4star · 21/09/2018 15:57

Haven't RTFT but if you're going to go vegan make it good. Things like veggie lasagne are just a bit boring and predictable and won't show the best of vegan food. I'm a fully fledged meat eater but on holiday once my DD took (dragged) me to a vegan restaurant. The food was amazing! Better than many meat meals I've had. I wish I could go there again. If your committing to vegan this is a chance to show off how good it can be.

JensenElephant · 21/09/2018 15:57

I have been to Asian vegetarian weddings and the food was great. Maybe go for a non traditional meal like this?

JellyBears · 21/09/2018 15:57

Your wedding your choice, I would more then happily embrace a vegan wedding meal and I’m a big meat eater.

FormerlyFrikadela01 · 21/09/2018 15:58

I've been to 2 vegan weddings this year. One was the worst food I think I've ever eaten, bland stodge.
The other was some.of the best food I've had in a long time and everyone clearly loved it (even the meat eaters like myself went up several times for more).

Just do an amazing vegan spread with loads of variety from a proper vegan caterer and no one will even notice.

Although I'd try to convince your dp to relax the no animal products at all for the coffees at the end... soy milk in coffee is bloody awful.

LittleMissPonsible · 21/09/2018 15:58

Have a vegan wedding! Bet it will be yummy. I would make sure your caterer is really good at vegan foods, I bet my caterer would have struggled to cook a vegan menu.

I am a meat eater but I would not have had food I dislike or food I morally objected to at my wedding. I buy local produce and had beef from my dad’s herd of cattle at my wedding, it was delicious.

I would like to say people should not be so rude as to negatively comment on your choice of food, particularly before they have even eaten it, but I know some people are prejudiced against vegan food for some reason. I love all food!

Parpulous · 21/09/2018 15:58

I'm a meat-eater, but would expect and support a vegan bride and vegan groom serving only vegan food at their wedding.

Just stop discussing food options with your friends and do what makes you feel comfortable, they should be more interested in your marriage than the catering options anyway. If anyone kicks up a fuss, you know they're not a true friend...

LeslieKnopefan · 21/09/2018 15:58

Vegan menu only is fine.

I agree to keep thr food as mainstream as possible with the food but I think that's good advice for all weddings !

number1wang · 21/09/2018 15:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsStrowman · 21/09/2018 15:59

I've had a lot of terrible food at weddings, so posters saying but everyone will be satisfied, so what? I wasn't satisfied with super dry chicken and sloppy veg at a wedding I went to, still had a great time. People are there to support you, there's so much tasty vegan food available (I'm a meat eater, but we eat veggie or vegan a few times a week just because they are dishes we like). Just serve vegan

TheFluffyHippo · 21/09/2018 15:59

I’m not vegan or vegetarian but I would have absolutely no problem eating a vegan meal at a friend’s wedding. It would be incredibly selfish of me to expect a vegan friend, who is paying for catering, to serve something against their ethics when I’m perfectly capable of eating vegan food. I’m a big meat eater but I can’t see why anyone wouldn’t be able to go a few hours without animal products (unless they had particular medical needs, of course)

If they’re your friends, they shouldn’t care that they’re eating one vegan meal. What’s important is spending the day with you. I can’t get my head around why anyone would be that bothered.

EthelThePiratesDaughter · 21/09/2018 15:59

OP, just serve vegan food at your wedding.

But don't ask people to pay for meat options, that's just weird.