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Original poster

To only pay for vegan food at my wedding?

999 replies

ClaraBanana7 · 21/09/2018 14:52

Haven't set a date yet, but it'll be in around 2 years so it's not right around the corner or anything, but DP and I are both vegans. Neither of us have a problem with other people eating animal products, I don't think I've ever even brought up veganism unless I'm at a restaurant and need to order because I really hate confrontation and I've seen/heard so many cruel and horrible things being said to vegans. That said, we don't want to pay for the guests to be served animal products at our wedding.
Some of my friends think it's unfair and that restaurants etc are pandering to the vegan 'fad' (even though I've been vegan all my life) so I should cater to everyone's dietary requirements. I told them I was considering putting a meat option on the catering form, but that whoever picked it would have to pay for it themselves as I really don't want to give my own money towards that industry. But, my friends also think it's unfair that some people have to pay and others don't.
DP doesn't want to have an animal product option at all, and tbh I would also prefer this, but I want a way of not isolating people who can't go a meal without eating animal products.

OP posts:
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lynsey91 · 21/09/2018 16:06

Laguna, how on earth can you say if you ate a vegan.meal you would still be hungry? You don't know what the food would be or how.much there would be so your comment is pathetic.

OP go for a vegan menu. Vegan food can be delicious and, despite some of the know it alls on here, does not only consist of chickpeas, lentils and tofu.

Don't even tell people it is vegan and I bet they will be surprised how tasty it is.

My neice got married last year and her and her husband are both vegetarian. The 3 course sit down meal for 150 people was completely vegetarian. I never heard anyone moan and most of the guests were meat eaters. Lots of clean plates and we were all full up

EvilRingahBitch · 21/09/2018 16:07

I agree with the majority that although you were trying to be helpful, setting up an arrangement whereby your guests could pay for a carnivore option would look very weird and bridezillaish, so just go for a broad selection of vegan food (enough to cover mushroom/quorn/chilli/soya intolerances) including some filling stuff for the “but I’d be staaarving” brigade; nuts and greens for the low carbers and something for the hopeless caffeine addicts to put in their tea/coffee.

HesterMacaulay · 21/09/2018 16:07

How is a lovely vegan menu forcing your beliefs down someone's throat? What a ridiculous comment! Surely people are not really this dense are they?

It would appear that some posters are indeed that dense.

Thankfully the vast majority have endorsed a fully vegan menu OP so ignore those who are putting forward the totally nonsensical arguments such as "Not offering a meat option is the same as not offereing a vegan option)" er no it isn't!

Or more bonkers still, those saying they wouldn't go to a wedding if it was vegan catering only ....That would be a very handy way of filtering idiots from my group of friends.

I'd love to see those avid meat eaters sitting down at a reception, to be faced with a dish of dog or horse meat and see how happy they are then.

Odoreida · 21/09/2018 16:07

Hello OP, I'm a caterer and have done big vegetarian buffets of which most of the food is vegan. A total vegan wedding would be a lovely thing (and I'm an omnivore). I agree with others that you want to know your guests' dietary requirements beforehand in case of nut / wheat allergies, which would complicate things. Let me know if you want any tips about what to ask your caterer.

MapleSyrupIsTheAnswer · 21/09/2018 16:08

Just have 100% vegan (amazing) meal and any special diets (coeliac etc) catered for

Gottagetmoving · 21/09/2018 16:08

I don't go to weddings for the food.
I'm happy to have whatever the bride and groom decide to provide. I think anyone who moans about it only being vegan food are being unreasonable.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 21/09/2018 16:09

I'd say vegan menu, but I'd also say perhaps a buffet? With lots of different choices of vegan food and maybe some vegetarian (but not vegan) options there too. Or not.

It's your wedding, you're paying for it, you should be comfortable with menu choices. As has been said, no one HAS to eat meat at every meal, and if they honestly can't handle one meal without meat then they don't need to come, do they!

pumpastrotter · 21/09/2018 16:09

As a meat eater, it really wouldn't bother me with being served a vegan menu (maybe put out with a lack of cheese board). I don't think you should ask people to pay for their own meat meals though.

There are some amazing vegan choices, perhaps do some trial meals for meat eating family members and see what works best for them as inspiration for catering options

Saltedcaramelcake · 21/09/2018 16:09

You sound like one of them annoying vegans who wants everyone to know you are vegan! I'd say your idea was ridiculous unless the majority at the wedding were vegans too? You can have meat but pay for it yourself Grin, I can't wait to read the thread about the cf who is charging their guests for the wedding breakfast 😂😂.

At my wedding I catered to everyone's requirements as much as I could, vegetarians got veggie meals even though I am a meat lover. I didn't try to convert anyone for the day even though it was MY wedding!!

MinecraftHolmes · 21/09/2018 16:10

Is there a reason why you can't just have a vegan meal, not announce it/make a song and dance about it, and have a thing on the invitations with "please let us know in advance about any food allergies, to ensure an appropriate meal is available".

IME, people who "can't go a meal without meat" manage perfectly fine if the V word isn't mentioned in enough time to allow them to get into a flap, or at all.

TheHollowLeggedGoat · 21/09/2018 16:11

Sorry, hit "post" accidently.
If you can get an amazing vegan caterer, you might really blow people's minds: they might love it! What you don't need to do is apologise, explain, bang on, or lecture about why you've done it. Just say "we hope you enjoy tasting some of our favourite vegan treats today".
I'm not even sure I'd warn people in advance, because people always find something to grumble about - though appreciate this might be controversial? But if you know them well enough to be inviting to your wedding surely they're likely to know that you're vegan and it's important to you ?
I think I might go for a hot fork buffet rather than a set menu so people can at least choose things that appeal?

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 21/09/2018 16:11

You sound like one of them annoying vegans who wants everyone to know you are vegan

It does help when discussing food choices.

madeoficecream · 21/09/2018 16:11

YANBU
I only catered vegetarian food at my wedding.
But it was in a place where guests could order and pay for other food themselves if they wished to.
Im not paying for meat, it doesnt matter who its for.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 21/09/2018 16:12

I think you're better off if your rude friends don't come!

WaxOnFeckOff · 21/09/2018 16:12

I wonder how you'd feel if you were invited to a wedding where no vegetarian or began option was offered?

Have your beliefs and do what you like with your wedding and better to not offer meat at all than offer it as a charge - that is bonkers. But you need to accept that you aren't catering to your guests and some people won't be happy/won't come as they will feel as if they they aren't really wanted.

LydiaLunch7 · 21/09/2018 16:12

You sound like one of them annoying vegans who wants everyone to know you are vegan

It's a wedding. I'm guessing most of the guests know the couple are vegan already Hmm. It's not like they're strangers.

mononoaware1907 · 21/09/2018 16:12

Paying to attend your wedding..... hmmmm, I'd rather go to a lovely restaurant and eat MY choice of food. It's rude.

I do understand your principles and I personally would have no problem at all with meatless food, and I would actually be interested in trying stuff out. Yum.

But I'm pretty sure people will be offended

Ameliarose16 · 21/09/2018 16:13

100% serve vegan food- everyone thinks vegans just eat veg and tofu but vegan food can be SO delicious! I wouldn't even mention just serve it up!

LydiaLunch7 · 21/09/2018 16:13

WaxOnFeckOff

Maybe you should read the rest of the thread. Somebody else already said that and many people already pointed out why it's a really stupid thing to say.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 21/09/2018 16:13

Can I just say - Vegans usually are vegan because they have strong feelings about the ethics of eating another sentient creature; meat-eaters are usually meat-eaters from personal preference.

Who do you think is acting from the best motives?

(Just so you know - I eat the flesh of beasts and don't want to think about the suffering involved - I am a cowardly, lazy meat-junkie)

Do you think it is better or worse to forv=ce someone to compromise on an ethical issue, or to ask someone to compromise on an issue affecting their tastebuds.?

And a lot of vegan dishes are FANTASTIC!

GO VEGAN OP - DON'T COMPROMISE!

wafflyversatile · 21/09/2018 16:13

I would make sure I have some tasting sessions with potential caterers and, if you are having a couple of choices look to have one 'look how fucking amazing vegan food can be' dish and one 'I can't believe it's not meat' type dish.

hellsbellsmelons · 21/09/2018 16:15

If your family and friends can't have 1 meal in their lives that doesn't contain meat then there is something wrong with them.
No-one has meat for every meal.
They can respect your choices on YOUR day.
If they don't, then fuck 'em.
They don't have to come.
I eat meat and fish but I would say my meals are pretty much over 50% veggie. I can go days without meat.
They can manage one meal!!!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 21/09/2018 16:15

Paying to attend your wedding..... hmmmm, I'd rather go to a lovely restaurant and eat MY choice of food. It's rude

No it isn't! Did you not pick the food for your wedding? OP wants to pick the food for hers - I think that is totally reasonable.

wafflyversatile · 21/09/2018 16:15

You sound like one of them annoying vegans who wants everyone to know you are vegan!

It would be a pretty confusing thread if the OP didn't mention being vegan.

Gingerivy · 21/09/2018 16:16

I think the idea of having it as a buffet is good. People are often more willing to try something if they can just take a little bit of various options, rather than being presented with one menu option they may not like. It also means that those with food issues (we have one with coeliac and 2 that need gluten free in our family) can avoid things that they cannot eat and still have something without a huge fuss.