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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To only pay for vegan food at my wedding?

999 replies

ClaraBanana7 · 21/09/2018 14:52

Haven't set a date yet, but it'll be in around 2 years so it's not right around the corner or anything, but DP and I are both vegans. Neither of us have a problem with other people eating animal products, I don't think I've ever even brought up veganism unless I'm at a restaurant and need to order because I really hate confrontation and I've seen/heard so many cruel and horrible things being said to vegans. That said, we don't want to pay for the guests to be served animal products at our wedding.
Some of my friends think it's unfair and that restaurants etc are pandering to the vegan 'fad' (even though I've been vegan all my life) so I should cater to everyone's dietary requirements. I told them I was considering putting a meat option on the catering form, but that whoever picked it would have to pay for it themselves as I really don't want to give my own money towards that industry. But, my friends also think it's unfair that some people have to pay and others don't.
DP doesn't want to have an animal product option at all, and tbh I would also prefer this, but I want a way of not isolating people who can't go a meal without eating animal products.

OP posts:

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PurpleDaisies · 22/09/2018 10:55

Lots of posters saying meat eaters should forgo eating meat for one day at vegan wedding. Yet at a meat eaters wedding vegans/veggies expect their diet to be accommodated - why can’t they forgo their diet for one day (medical conditions excepted)’
Ffs. Can you really not understand why someone who doesn’t eat meat wouldn’t eat it for someone else’s wedding?

chillpizza · 22/09/2018 11:04

I think if it was a vegetarian rather than vegan that would be easier.

BitchQueen90 · 22/09/2018 11:05

@Seniorcitizen1 because most vegetarians and vegans have chosen not to eat meat for various moral and ethical reasons. Meat eaters don't eat meat for moral and ethical reasons.

Ginseng1 · 22/09/2018 11:16

Have a vegan menu. Don't ask people to pay if they want meat that would be rude & come across judgey. I'm a meat eater love trying new things though so wouldn't bother me at all. Though I couldn't do it. the aunts n uncles & parents would be horrified no slab of meat!

Imapudding · 22/09/2018 11:21

I think just serve vegan. If that's your belief I think it's understandable to not want to pay for it.

It does make more of a deal of it to try and make people pay. So just offer vegan.

Seniorcitizen1 · 22/09/2018 11:24

bitchqueen exactly - they choose not to eat meat

scaryteacher · 22/09/2018 11:25

Went to a post wedding party for a cousin of dh. They were veggie, so the food was fine and the cheese was awesome. I am a dedicated carnivore, but would eat vegan at a wedding, having ensured I'd had a decent breakfast to get me through the day.

NotMyFinestMoment · 22/09/2018 11:31

I imagine everyone you are inviting to the wedding knows that you are both vegan therefore an exclusively vegan menu won't come as a surprise to them (if anything I would imagine they would be expecting it). Mant meat eaters don't eat meat at every meal so I can't see one meal without meat bothering them. A vegan wedding menu also gives you the opportunity to showcase vegan food at its finest!

NotMyFinestMoment · 22/09/2018 11:32

*many

SalemBlackCat · 22/09/2018 11:33

OP would it really kill you to forgo your veganism for one day? People like myself who are into being healthy (ie eating meat and dairy products) have ethical, moral and health reasons against veganism. Vegetarian is ok with me, but veganism is irresponsible and unhealthy. Surely since you are asking people to come to your wedding you can put up with a non-vegan meal at your wedding?

PurpleDaisies · 22/09/2018 11:34

OP would it really kill you to forgo your veganism for one day?

Why should she? You can eat a vegan meal without having to become a vegan. You don’t have to agree with the ethical/health standpoint.

TheMythicalChicken · 22/09/2018 11:35

We just had a completely vegan child’s birthday party. No one noticed. The cake was incredible (made by a professional vegan cake maker), we had sausages on sticks, sausage rolls, nuggets, cookies and cupcakes. All vegan. As I said, no one noticed and when it was pointed out to them, they were genuinely shocked.

The point being, it is possible to provide a delicious vegan meal that everyone will like. Obviously not kids’ party food, tho. Maybe a roast dinner, with Yorkshire puds, etc? My (vegan) roast dinners are legendary, especially amongst our meat-eating friends.

NarcolepticOuchMouse · 22/09/2018 11:37

I'm really surprised how many people think hospitality should be more important to vegans than veganism. I'm not a vegan myself but I understand how important their principles are to them. It seems people have missed the point by a country mile if they think vegans are vegans to be special or trendy. Being inclusive to meat eaters is not what veganism is about, so hospitality in that form is quite ridiculous.

SalemBlackCat · 22/09/2018 11:37

I also add that I have read of vegan weddings before where the guests had to go out and get McDonalds or something from a takeaway place because the wedding meal was inedible and not enough of it. If you are a good host, you would put your guests first. Guests should not have to go out and get other food on top of travelling, time off, gift etc just to suit your virtue signalling. Put your guests first. On moral and conscientious issues alone, I would not go to a vegan wedding, let alone that the food would be inedible and sparse. (and yes, I have tried vegan food before). So if you choose to force your views and fad onto others, at least let them know beforehand that the food will be vegan so they can make that conscientious decision not to attend.

SalemBlackCat · 22/09/2018 11:44

seems people have missed the point by a country mile if they think vegans are vegans to be special or trendy

Sorry but from my experience in my real life, and online, I think the majority are. Maybe not most or all, but the majority are and fool themselves into believing they are doing it for the animals. However, it is a very unhealthy lifestyle and should not be encouraged at all.

Being inclusive to meat eaters is not what veganism is about, so hospitality in that form is quite ridiculous.
It doesn't matter the reason for the veganism, if you are hosting something, your duty is to cater to your guests. If the majority of your guests are vegans, then fair enough. However we have had vegetarian friends over, and we looked up a vegetarian recipe to cook for them, because they were our guest, and as a host, it was our responsibility. It would expect the same thing if I was a guest at a vegan home. But as we can see on this topic, hospitality is only one way with vegans.

PlatypusPie · 22/09/2018 11:48

I think the only place I have seen stories about people being so hungry because of wedding food that they would go and and get a takeaway is here on MN !

speakout · 22/09/2018 11:51

It's all a red herring designed to have a pop at vegans.

Omnivore eat vegan meals all the time without a second thought.

Yesterday I had peanut butter and banana on toast for breakfast, lentil soup with bread and onion bajis for lunch.

I eat meat, but a lot of what ominoves eat anyway is vegan- do meat eaters really eat meat three times a day at every meal?

Would they shun onion bajis and chilli sauce in a restaurant because it is a vegan starter?

Loyaultemelie · 22/09/2018 11:56

My dh is an omni (pretty much carnivore) and even he gave me a and said why would you have a meat option it's only one meal and most of that stuff you eat is "dead on" (NI farmer) I'm a veggie who eats about 90% plant based.

SalemBlackCat · 22/09/2018 11:59

Speakout,No meat eater that I know eats meat 3 meals a day. However it is (or should be) about your guests. It is so hypocritical how people say 'oh you can forgo meat for one meal' but no one says 'oh you can eat meat for one meal'. It is all the vegans way or none at all.

KittenCamile · 22/09/2018 12:00

We had a vegan wedding as I would not financially contribute to the suffering of animals.

No one complained, everyone was fed great food. I don’t see why our ethics should have been compromised on such a celebratory day.

Make it a positive thing and get great catering so it’s the best vegan food they could have. Our friends and family know it’s an important thing to us and would never complained.

nailak · 22/09/2018 12:01

That's crazy
Is like someone only eating kosher, but being expected to cater for non kosher at their wedding and having a non kosher option.

Gemini69 · 22/09/2018 12:03

this is beyond ridiculous....

Not one person has complained to the Bride... about her Wedding... which hasn't even been planned..

the Bride has only asked if she would be unreasonable in CHARGING for a Meat alternative..

Nobody has questioned the validity of Vegans...

megletthesecond · 22/09/2018 12:03

Yanbu.
Meat eaters can cope with a vegan meal.
Although you'll need to make sure you have suitable alternatives for those with nut allergies / coeliac.

MaggieAndHopey · 22/09/2018 12:04

I don't see why there needs to be a meat alternative, charged for or otherwise. You're vegan so provide vegan food. It's one day, no-one will starve.

CrazyDogLady87 · 22/09/2018 12:08

it is your wedding your choice!

if someone didn't eat or drink something for religious reasons they would cater their menu to their religion and nobody would say shit, (ie Muslim would not have alcohol and Hindus would not have beef) if its that much of a problem for your guest to either pay for a meat dish (already you are going above and beyond to cater to them despite it going against what you believe) or go without an animal product dish then I'm sorry they do not deserve to be a guest at your wedding.

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