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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To only pay for vegan food at my wedding?

999 replies

ClaraBanana7 · 21/09/2018 14:52

Haven't set a date yet, but it'll be in around 2 years so it's not right around the corner or anything, but DP and I are both vegans. Neither of us have a problem with other people eating animal products, I don't think I've ever even brought up veganism unless I'm at a restaurant and need to order because I really hate confrontation and I've seen/heard so many cruel and horrible things being said to vegans. That said, we don't want to pay for the guests to be served animal products at our wedding.
Some of my friends think it's unfair and that restaurants etc are pandering to the vegan 'fad' (even though I've been vegan all my life) so I should cater to everyone's dietary requirements. I told them I was considering putting a meat option on the catering form, but that whoever picked it would have to pay for it themselves as I really don't want to give my own money towards that industry. But, my friends also think it's unfair that some people have to pay and others don't.
DP doesn't want to have an animal product option at all, and tbh I would also prefer this, but I want a way of not isolating people who can't go a meal without eating animal products.

OP posts:

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AliTheMinx · 22/09/2018 08:37

Hmmm... this is interesting! I love meat and the thought of going to a wedding without meat would fill me with utter dread, but if it were for a vegan friend I would obviously go and try to embrace the vegan food (but perhaps be prepared for needing to eat more when I got home!). However, I would absolutely not be happy at being asked to pay! Imagine if the tables were reversed and vegetarians were asked to pay extra? I did once go to a Bangladeshi wedding and the food was so hot I could barely eat anything except rice. There were no non-spicy options, so I suppose this is no different, but I would have been a bit out out if they had charged for a plainer option!

Jeippinghmip · 22/09/2018 08:37

@GreatDuckCookery

Why should the OP sacrifice their principles regarding milk production? Have you any idea what goes on, just so you can have milk or cream in your beverage?

You may have friends and family who would gossip behind your back, after you’ve invited them to celebrate your day but not everyone does.

KnotsInMay · 22/09/2018 08:40

I have not been to a wedding where we had tea / coffee.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 22/09/2018 08:59

Why should the OP sacrifice their principles regarding milk production?

She doesn't have to. She's not drinking it. But other people, especially the elderly like a cup of tea or coffee with milk in after they've eaten.

PurpleDaisies · 22/09/2018 09:00

She doesn't have to. She's not drinking it.

She’s paying for it. By that logic she may as well buy meat for everyone.

Karting1967 · 22/09/2018 09:03

the thought of going to a wedding without meat would fill me with utter dread

Really??? Why?

As for tea/coffee, what’s wrong with offering soya milk?

Izzabellasasperella · 22/09/2018 09:12

I would love tome go to a vegan wedding even though I am a meat eater. I would be really exicited to try some new food, although I hate nuts so would hope there would be different choices.
Soya milk would be fine I think.
Don't charge your guests for meat dishes.
Stick to your principles and beliefs op.

Johndoe10 · 22/09/2018 09:12

Seriously wondering about these posters that find a sliver of meat would actually make or break a wedding

It’s such a tiny part of the event. Weird

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 22/09/2018 09:19

She’s paying for it. By that logic she may as well buy meat for everyone

Yes and forcing her beliefs on her guests.

pollysproggle · 22/09/2018 09:20

Just serve a vegan menu don't ask guests to pay.
If I knew a vegan couple that were getting married I wouldn't expect meat and dairy at their wedding.
Assuming guests won't go because of this is rubbish.
A) you don't go to a wedding just for the food.
B) if they're that miserable a person that they'd make an issue of out skipping meat in a meal you're paying for on your wedding day then they can jog on.

It's nothing to do with pushing your beliefs on anyone. They are your beliefs and it's your wedding.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 22/09/2018 09:21

It's not a sliver of meat though. There would be no cream, milk, meat, cheese and all the other things vegans don't eat

LollyPopsApple · 22/09/2018 09:25

It’s almost as if there isn’t a huge selection out there of vegan cream, cheese, mock meat, almond/soya/oat milks etc

Open your eyes a little, Duck, stop creating problems where there aren’t any.

yips · 22/09/2018 09:32

I'd definitely just make all the food vegan. Getting people to pay for their own meat would be OTT and weird.

HopeGarden · 22/09/2018 09:38

Just do a vegan menu. I agree with other pp’s that a varied buffet might work better than a 3 course set meal if you have many guests accustomed to eating meat.

I eat meat, but I wouldn’t expect a vegan couple to serve me meat or other animal products at their wedding.

I think it’s pretty pathetic really if someone can’t manage to cope with vegan food for one day at a wedding, and I’d think less of someone who refused to attend a wedding because they thought they wouldn’t like the food.

giveyourselfashiny3 · 22/09/2018 09:39

I'm a meat eater....

But I could for sure going a day without eating meat.

It's your belief and your wedding.

Sabulous · 22/09/2018 09:46

I haven't read the whole thread, but I just wanted to say that as it's your wedding you should have the food that you want. If people don't like it then they will show their true colours to you. It is your day, if they love you they will support you.

Just an FYI, I would avoid using Quorn as it does make some people violently ill and they don't always know that Quorn is the issue. It took me 10 years to figure it out as I rarely ate it.

TuMeke · 22/09/2018 09:46

If it’s your wedding, you’re completely entitled to ‘force your beliefs’ (lol) on your guests by making it a vegan wedding. I’ve been to plenty of religious weddings of various religions for friends or relatives, and even though I’m an atheist I’ve adhered to the requirements of those beliefs even if they’ve inconvenienced me. I’ve worn particular outfits, eaten specific food, taken part in ceremonies I didn’t really understand. Because a wedding is about the couple and what they want, not me!

KnotsInMay · 22/09/2018 10:19

“the thought of going to a wedding without meat would fill me with utter dread”

This is hilarious!

I would be filled with utter dread if the wedding was in a swimming pool and we all had to wear swimsuits, if the ONLY food was oysters (raw and live) (but then I would have a sandwich in my bag), if all the other guests were Boris, Gove, Rees-Mogg and lying rapist footballers, if the couple were cavers and wanted us to crawl through a narrow cave to get to an underground cavern for the reception.

But an occasion with friends and family whoI know and like (whe else would you be invited?) where the food just happened to omit animal products amongst the other stuff that I eat regularly?

Nah, not even a flutter of mild anxiety.

Santaclarita · 22/09/2018 10:28

As another poster pointed out, weddings pretty much for a lot 'force' beliefs on you all the time. I've been to a lot of Catholic weddings and I don't believe in any religion. Was I meant to say 'you had better do an atheist version or I'm not coming'? Do you only go to weddings that fall under your belief system?

People who wouldn't go because there is no meat are pathetic and not your friends. I'd be happy to be rid of them.

sashh · 22/09/2018 10:36

Yes and forcing her beliefs on her guests.

Don't all couples do that

I've been to a dry wedding, one where only tea, coffee and cake were served, Indian food only, one where the guests brought food and drink themselves (couple were skint, bride's ring was silver), full sit down meal, buffet.

It's a day to share a couple's commitment to each other and wish them future happiness.

If you don't like the food you sneak in a sandwich or visit a kebab shop on the way home.

Debfronut · 22/09/2018 10:36

Why does everyone keep talking about meat? Vegans limit animal products so their food tastes very different. They use a fair bit of soya and nut products so four out of my family members would find it hard to eat anything at a vegan only wedding feast as they ate allergic to those. I can't see the issue of offering a choice surely its just good manners not to impose your beliefs on others?

giveyourselfashiny3 · 22/09/2018 10:38

, if all the other guests were Boris, Gove, Rees-Mogg and lying rapist footballers,*

I get the analogy and I agree. But whaaaaaaat.........

chillpizza · 22/09/2018 10:45

I would go but I wouldn’t be looking forward to the meal. I have certain texture issues that just mean I cannot stomach having any type of bean/pea/lentil/mashed foods/most nuts as well as just not liking certain vegetables etc. I would just eat before and after and if it was going to be a very long day would pack a few snacks in my bag/car.

Seniorcitizen1 · 22/09/2018 10:50

Lots of posters saying meat eaters should forgo eating meat for one day at vegan wedding. Yet at a meat eaters wedding vegans/veggies expect their diet to be accommodated - why can’t they forgo their diet for one day (medical conditions excepted)

giveyourselfashiny3 · 22/09/2018 10:53

Because it's not a necessity for a meat eater to eat meat in every meal- I often don't add meat to my meal even if hubby and kids have it. But it is a necessity/belief for a vegan NOT to eat meat products.

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