Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To only pay for vegan food at my wedding?

999 replies

ClaraBanana7 · 21/09/2018 14:52

Haven't set a date yet, but it'll be in around 2 years so it's not right around the corner or anything, but DP and I are both vegans. Neither of us have a problem with other people eating animal products, I don't think I've ever even brought up veganism unless I'm at a restaurant and need to order because I really hate confrontation and I've seen/heard so many cruel and horrible things being said to vegans. That said, we don't want to pay for the guests to be served animal products at our wedding.
Some of my friends think it's unfair and that restaurants etc are pandering to the vegan 'fad' (even though I've been vegan all my life) so I should cater to everyone's dietary requirements. I told them I was considering putting a meat option on the catering form, but that whoever picked it would have to pay for it themselves as I really don't want to give my own money towards that industry. But, my friends also think it's unfair that some people have to pay and others don't.
DP doesn't want to have an animal product option at all, and tbh I would also prefer this, but I want a way of not isolating people who can't go a meal without eating animal products.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
LEMtheoriginal · 22/09/2018 07:00

Wow huge thread!

I love meat but be quite happy to attend vegan wedding and eat what will hopefully be delicious healthy food.

speakout · 22/09/2018 07:02

OP I would not even mention it to other people.

Most of what omnivores eat anyway is " vegan", they don't cram their faces with meat at every opportunity.

Don't seek the opinion of others- it's your wedding, do it your way.

Onmivores (including me) won't die from a meal lacking in animal products. I would look forward to a vegan meal.

inquiquotiokixul · 22/09/2018 07:02

It's not sanctimonious to only purchase services and products for your own wedding that fit with your own ethical position. It would be extremely inappropriate to have a two-tier reception where guests willing to go along with your ethical position for one meal get fed free and guests who won't do not. That's just being arsey.

Make sure the vegan food is really, really delicious (tip - higher fat content than you may be used to will help make it more palatable to carnivores) and with at least 3 diverse choices so that most people can avoid any pet hates, including at least one thing that is nut-free and one thing that is pulse&bean-free

Celebelly · 22/09/2018 07:41

Re: the milk issue. Could you compromise by finding a local farm that you can visit/see welfare standards and arrange to get your milk from there? While it's not something you would drink yourself, if you know it's come from somewhere with good ethical standards and well cared for animals, it might make it a bit more palatable to you both, as opposed to just buying generic supermarket stuff you don't know the provenance of?

Umpteenthingsclean · 22/09/2018 07:43

Having thought about it a bit more, I wouldn't go, but then I wouldn't have been invited.

I wouldnt be friends with people like you two as I don't like people who force their beliefs on others. I've ended friendships with people who have "found" religion and become all holier than thou so I would have done the same with youband your partner

NastyCats · 22/09/2018 07:48

My brother and his wife aren't vegan but some of their very close friends are. So they would feel entirely comfortable with the food the couple chose to have just vegan food at their wedding. It was delicious and went down very well. Even my dh liked it and he is a dyed in the wool omnivore who hates vegetables!

EvilRingahBitch · 22/09/2018 07:56

Don’t just serve herbal tea!

A fair number of people are properly caffeine dependent and need it to fend off migraines on a long day. Of those, some will drink it with lemon/black from preference anyway, some will drink it black/ with lemon at a pinch, and some will substitute oat milk if that’s what’s available.

lynsey91 · 22/09/2018 07:58

All the hysteria from meat eaters is hysterical and pathetic.

As for.milk, oat milk is fine in tea and coffee. My DH who is pretty fussy and used to have full fat milk in his drinks likes oat milk. Most of my friends dont even realise its not cows milk until I tell them

Merename · 22/09/2018 08:03

Lynsey I agree about the hysteria from some meat eaters.

However as a veggie aspiring to be vegan one day when I can put animal welfare fully above my desires, I cannot agree that oat milk could ever be mistaken for cows milk. I have never found any milk substitute that I find acceptable in tea and could spot it a mile off. That said, I’d happily just drink herbal instead of tea with oat milk if offered.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 22/09/2018 08:05

Mathsanxiety is spot on.

Justbackfromnewwine · 22/09/2018 08:07

I am a meat eater. I wouldn’t be surprised to be served a vegetarian/vegan (I may not notice its vegan unless told) meal at the wedding of someone who feels strongly about that. If it’s known beforehand and some people don’t come - bingo, you save money anyway! And I would think very poorly of anyone who didn’t come and celebrate your day because they didn’t like the sound of the food - ridiculous! It’s an honour to be invited and share your day.

Veganfortheanimals · 22/09/2018 08:07

Our whole family is vegan...it's wonderful that in our town two places have opened up with a vegan menu...we can even go for a Boxing Day vegan meal near our house..only very close friends know we are vegan..it dosnt tend to come up much in conversation...I wouldn't even mention the wedding food....I'd be crafty and do a Buffett letting them guess if it's all vegan or not....2 years does seem very in advance to getting yr knickers in a twist about it....there is some really amazing vegan food around a table the moment ,you could really use your wedding to show people how tasty vegan food can be...we went to a vegan festival a while back ,was amazing ...you could get some good ideas at one..

Veganfortheanimals · 22/09/2018 08:10

Around at the moment ...that should read

Justbackfromnewwine · 22/09/2018 08:10

Hot drinks - just offer options (herbal, black coffee/tea, oat milk or whatever clearly labelled) id probably try the oat milk or go black.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 22/09/2018 08:11

Just do a vegan menu, are some people really strongly against Vegans? I find that odd.

clairedelalune · 22/09/2018 08:18

I am definitely carnivore. Love steak tartare. I would be more than happy with a vegan meal and think it pathetic if people cant manage one meal without meat. Just make sure you ask for allergies etc as nuts, seeds,legumes and soya appear a lot in vegan food.

kikisparks · 22/09/2018 08:19

Yanbu. Hope you enjoy the wedding Smile

Summerisdone · 22/09/2018 08:21

Have just a vegan menu. I'm a meat eater (actually probably most meals I eat meat/animal by products), yet I'd completely understand that it's something you and your OH don't do and therefore should not have to feel uncomfortable by having to pay for it.

I could never bring myself to wear real fur, my nana has no issue with wearing it and I don't have anything to say to her about her choice, however I would never ever buy her a gift containing real fur, nor would she want me to as she knows I'd be extremely unhappy spending my money on such a product.

kikisparks · 22/09/2018 08:25

@Celebelly I doubt that would work as the males will still be killed and the females still killed at the end of their production. Vegans aren’t just against animals being in bad conditions but them being used as commodities. People can drink black tea/ cofffee or herbal tea or try soya, oat, coconut, almond, hemp, rice milk or go without rather than OP sacrificing their principles at their own party.

lynsey91 · 22/09/2018 08:25

Honestly quite a few friends have not realised it was oat milk. I changed because I am allergic to cows milk and tried all - almond, rice etc. My DH has opted to change because he say oat milk tastes as nice as cows

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 22/09/2018 08:26

I'm not against vegans allthegood but I don't think it's very hospitable to not even offer milk or cream for coffee and tea!

Guests might not say it to your face OP but I'm positive they will have something to say behind your back.

ChangerChangerson · 22/09/2018 08:28

I don't understand why some people think vegan food is alien food?! I'm not vegan or vegetarian but have had plenty of vegan dishes through friends of mine (and my own choice of food off a menu when out) and I've never been disappointed.

Serve what you want, your friends are there to celebrate your marriage, not for a free meal and it's not like you're serving them anything inedible.

ChangerChangerson · 22/09/2018 08:29

Honestly quite a few friends have not realised it was oat milk

Completely agree. Swaps are so good nowadays that most people don't notice if you don't say.

kikisparks · 22/09/2018 08:33

@Newyoiker that’s pretty poor, people who have allergies should always be accommodated. There are loads of soya free vegan meals.

TwoOddSocks · 22/09/2018 08:34

I love meat but the idea I couldn't survive a day without it is ridiculous. Do people really expect to have every possible food group served to them over the course of a wedding? Red meat, white meat, cheese, fish, shellfish. It must all be present in every meal.