To only pay for vegan food at my wedding?

[ClaraBanana7]

Haven't set a date yet, but it'll be in around 2 years so it's not right around the corner or anything, but DP and I are both vegans. Neither of us have a problem with other people eating animal products, I don't think I've ever even brought up veganism unless I'm at a restaurant and need to order because I really hate confrontation and I've seen/heard so many cruel and horrible things being said to vegans. That said, we don't want to pay for the guests to be served animal products at our wedding.
Some of my friends think it's unfair and that restaurants etc are pandering to the vegan 'fad' (even though I've been vegan all my life) so I should cater to everyone's dietary requirements. I told them I was considering putting a meat option on the catering form, but that whoever picked it would have to pay for it themselves as I really don't want to give my own money towards that industry. But, my friends also think it's unfair that some people have to pay and others don't.
DP doesn't want to have an animal product option at all, and tbh I would also prefer this, but I want a way of not isolating people who can't go a meal without eating animal products.

A formal sit down set menu might be tricky because if people dont like whats on the plate they are stuck with it. Could you consider a pasta bar with a selection of delicious vegan sauces, salads and veggie side dishes? IMHO, garlic bread is nicest made by rubbing garlic cloves on hot toasted ot griddled bread anyway so no need for butter. Or go retro and serve yummy jacket spuds hot and crisp from the oven with a selection of fillings. That way, folks can help themselves and can try whatever takes their fancy. Fruit based desserts or a sorbet bar with toppings, sauces and maybe egg free waffles or pancakes. It's informal, everyone can choose, will generate interest and is a bit of fun. Anyone who isn't prepared to eat the food you choose to serve at your wedding shouldn't be on the guest list. Relax and enjoy your big day. Oh, and congratulations!

to have it all vegan, would probably serve a buffet but not going to decide for a while, and have a selection of different world foods that we love because we travel a lot so that everyone has something they like.

I think this is a good compromise. There are some aspects of vegan food not everyone does enjoy (I can't stand the texture of tofu, and my heart would sink if I were served up a plate of food based on tofu, but I'd just pick around it and say nothing). A really varied buffet would give everyone lots of choice and everyone would be able to find some things that they can eat. Things like curries don't really need meat if they have great flavour and most people wouldn't even notice that they don't contain meat. Finger food like small spring rolls, samosas, don't need meat either.

I would only serve vegan. You are against eating meat so for those saying you're out of order making meat eaters eat vegan, I can't see the logic there, you wouldn't want to facilate meat being eaten as it's against your core beliefs. It's not a core belief or moral standard to eat meat, it's a preference. Therefore they can eat vegan for one meal, it's not going to traumatise them. God forbid some of them may actually like it!

abacucat Sat 22-Sep-18 00:07:48
And people care about food at weddings, because it tends to be a long day, lots of waiting around for photos, etc. And no choice about food. Its not the same as just going out for 1 meal. It is the whole day. So pretty miserable if there was nothing you could eat.

Seriously - could you not go one day without food? I could. The OP isn't starving her guests fgs -shes providing food albeit not meat - I couldn't imagine serving meat if I hated it.

Have vegan but have chips and a big desert in case guests need to fill up on a bit of stodge.

Have a vegan menu. It’s your wedding and why would you pay towards the meat industry when you obviously are very anti it. People are so rude when it comes to weddings, why do they think they can dictate what you will serve! They are a guest and should eat what is provided. No one needs meat at every meal!!! I eat meat btw!

I had a vegetarian/vegan food at my wedding served by the marvellous infinity foods from Brighton. Because I love their food, they cater well for food intolerances and, having intolerances, I wanted those people who wee vegetarian, vegan or had intolerances not to feel like at afterthought (as you can so often do) or to have a substandard meal (again as do often happens). The food was amazing at my wedding and everyone commented on it and loved it. No one missed the meat.

People’s rudeness over weddings never ceases to amaze me!

I've been to a vegan wedding. We were sent out menus beforehand so we could choose what we would like out of three different options per course. Either do that or have a buffet, because there are going to be people who either don't like or can't eat some vegan options (people with nut or gluten allergies, for instance). Serving vegan food isn't inhospitable in itself; making a big fucking fuss about how eeeevil it is to eat meat and offering your guests a meat option that you get to shame them for is extremely inhospitable.

@Geraldine170 I agree with your thoughts.

To even contemplate not offering a splash of milk for tea or coffee comes across as downright churlish.

You need to have a word with your OH, who appears not to really understand the basic concept of hospitality.

You need to have a word with your OH, who appears not to really understand the basic concept of hospitality.

She really doesn't

I would be very interested and happy to be served a vegan meal i would also hope for vegan cake, heard it's great.

I'm a meat eater, we went to a vegan wedding and I couldn't eat a single thing which did make me a bit sad! I have a severe Soy allergy and every single dish was soy based I had told them but they'd forgotten.

I just had something afterwards

Akanamali
I can't, it's something dp won't compromise on and I would hate for him to be unhappy, we're doing all the planning together so it's as much his decision as mine.

This was in response to 1981Fishgut's comment on (inter alia) holding firm on the question of milk in tea for people who have spent a long day helping the OP and her DP create a lovely atmosphere and a day to remember for them.

So I do think she needs to have a word.

People love a cup of tea or coffee at the end of a wedding. It revives them, helps them feel more alert as they drive home. It can feel nice and warming on a cool evening (and you can get those even in summer).

I suspect that being more concerned about the welfare of animals than the comfort of people you have invited to celebrate an important event in your life - they are not gatecrashers, and you are not putting up with them just to be polite - won't advance the cause of veganism one inch.

All seems a bit strange to me, pretty much every wedding I've been to includes a vegetarian option for vegetarians. I assume most will now include vegan options too. In all of these weddings at least one of the couple has been a meat eater. Yet at a wedding of two vegans you are unwilling to give an option for those that do not It seems to me that the meat eaters are better at being inclusive than the non-animal product eaters.

Just serve vegan. To be honest most veggie options I have been served at weddings have been awful tasteless afterthoughts but I just go with that and don’t ever expect a tasty meal at a wedding. We are both veggie and had a veggie menu at ours, maybe people were thinking otherwise but said they enjoyed. I’ll get shot down for this but we served no alcohol as we don’t drink! Our wedding, our choice!

The difference about being ‘inclusive’ is that everyone can eat a vegan/veggie option, whether they would choose it is another matter. At a meaty wedding the herbivores would be sitting with nothing to eat if an option wasn’t provided, due to their beliefs.

I think you’d BU to provide meat and ask people to pay for it though.

There's a difference though Wombat, a vegan doesn't eat meat so couldn't eat if there was no vegan option, whereas a meat eater can eat a veggie based meal.

All Vegan, varied and plentiful all the way!
Instead of a conventional buffet I'd get the caterer to do little serves of hot food in those disposable bamboo boats and set them up in seperate little stations.
Maybe one lot with rice in the middle with dahl & curry on each side at one station, then tortellini in sauce with a mini aranchini at another, even a mini vegi-burger with shoestring fries at another for the fainthearted.
All familiar and tasty
Each serve is about a quarter of a normal serve and you allow for everyone to have a serve of each and a few extras, although some people will have several serves of one they like.
This works well for large numbers as it avoids the single long buffet queue and the risk of no variety left for the poor people who are last up. The caterer can replenish as you go.
I'd spread the stations around the room / marquee and decorate each one, e.g. a sari as a tablecloth on the Indian food station, but then I love a bit of kitsch

I agree to serve everyone a lovely vegan meal. I am a meat eater but my family views meat as a "luxury" - only to be consumed occasionally, and buying the best welfare products. I am a vet, so well-informed on rearing and slaughter practises.

I would be very interested and pleased to try a 3 course vegan meal. Use it as an opportunity to convert everyone! They may not go 100% vegan, but may eat fewer animal products in future if they see how "normal" vegan food can be.

It's not as thought eating vegan food is actually against anyone's moral code, as some PPs are suggesting. Up to you whether you point out that the menu is vegan, but if anyone chooses not to attend based on the fact you are providing vegan-only food then you don't need their selfishness in your life anyway.

Just as long as it was amazing vegan food, we've been to a few things where I tried to convert DH who is a carnivore (I'm not vegan either but very fussy where my meat comes from and don't feel need to eat in quantities he does) - unfortunately the food was terrible, really terrible. Our DC also struggled especially as has allergies.
I know vegan food can be yummy so get good caterers in! And do think about allergies - so much is soy or nut based it restricts options.
For the post above about Indian weddings, I've been to a few and they've all served an "English" option (I was too busy eating yummy curries but I understand it was nice). In fact I couldn't eat the meat at one as was Muslim and so halal which I don't eat - but oh my goodness the veg options were delicious!

Just serve vegan food, it's your wedding and you shouldn't have to pay towards an industry you find immoral.
Nobody is going to pass out because they didn't get a slice of chicken with their potatoes. Anyway vegan food is bloody delicious, it's good to show people that it's not just a bunch of old lentils.

Just do vegan food. Have an option for anyone with medical problems or allergies eg a nut roast is no good for someone with gallblader problems.

I've been to Indian weddings (they last days) where the caterers turn up with a trailer like you would get at a fair and you have a plastic 'thali' which looks a bit like those prison trays so you can have 4 or 5 different dishes without them mixing together. Indian caterers have a lot of experience wit vegan and vegetarian food and are worth considering.

But as PP said I'd also have chips available.

MargaretRiver(are you in Oz?) also has a good suggestion, I'm imagining it a bit like tapas which would be another option.

Oh and I eat meat most meals but would expect vegan at a wedding of two vegans.

This is the type of sanctimonious behaviour that gives vegans a bad reputation.

It is simple. Catering for a mix of people requires catering for a mix of needs and preferences.

It is possible to have principles and not be a dick about it. To not offer milk for people's tea is just rude. To make people pay for their own food is also very rude. A buffet with clearly marked vegan/non vegan options is the simplest solution.

This is a wedding, not a vegan conference.

Ps - I am vegetarian (I try to be vegan but can't classify myself as vegan as I don't scrutinise every ingredient in every dish I eat, so eggs/dairy/by products may be present). I would never be as rude as to turn down hospitality from friends/family.

I think just serve vegan. It's getting more popular so there should be more choice. Why even tell anyone? Unless there are allergies or intolerances then people don't need to know what the food is till they rock up. I'd be delighted to eat something a bit different for a change.

Just provide vegan food. It may even be an eye opener to some people as to how lovely it can be. However, do be prepared for comments - I only say this as I went to a vegetarian wedding and when the pasta and salad was served, there was a lot of confusion over when the meat was coming out, before people realised it wasn't! Some people were confused and didn't enjoy the food but it's your wedding and this is important to you, so it doesn't matter.

Just serve herbal tea, jeeze!

YANBU. Your wedding, your choice. They can like it or lump it. I'm sure your guests will just be happy to be sharing your special day with you