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Original poster

To only pay for vegan food at my wedding?

999 replies

ClaraBanana7 · 21/09/2018 14:52

Haven't set a date yet, but it'll be in around 2 years so it's not right around the corner or anything, but DP and I are both vegans. Neither of us have a problem with other people eating animal products, I don't think I've ever even brought up veganism unless I'm at a restaurant and need to order because I really hate confrontation and I've seen/heard so many cruel and horrible things being said to vegans. That said, we don't want to pay for the guests to be served animal products at our wedding.
Some of my friends think it's unfair and that restaurants etc are pandering to the vegan 'fad' (even though I've been vegan all my life) so I should cater to everyone's dietary requirements. I told them I was considering putting a meat option on the catering form, but that whoever picked it would have to pay for it themselves as I really don't want to give my own money towards that industry. But, my friends also think it's unfair that some people have to pay and others don't.
DP doesn't want to have an animal product option at all, and tbh I would also prefer this, but I want a way of not isolating people who can't go a meal without eating animal products.

OP posts:
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redastherose · 21/09/2018 20:52

I've been to a Vegan Wedding, if I hadn't known I wouldn't have known iyswim. The food was amazing, long term vegan friend couple and you couldn't fault the food.

Serve what you and partner want to serve, no one refused to go to that wedding simply because (shock horror) they were forced to do without animal products for one day.

I'm not vegan or vegetarian btw.

lljkk · 21/09/2018 20:53

I hope you're brave enough to post the menu when the time comes, OP.
My real worry is that my kids would not eat most of the vegan things I see as wedding menu choices online (yes they are fussy kids). They would like chips & ketchup, though.

Avocado in vegan chocolate cake is quite naice, I can attest.

Bunnyfuller · 21/09/2018 20:53

Serve all vegan, as long as you’re ok with invites to anything which don’t cater for vegans.

BlueberryPud · 21/09/2018 20:54

I went to a wedding where only vegan food was served and it went down like a cup of cold sick

Sack the caterer.

HesterMacaulay · 21/09/2018 20:54

@ClaraBanana7 I think its probably time to hide the thread. Some people can't be bothered to read it so are repeating things said hours ago. And missing your decisions along tbe way. And others are getting a bit bonkers.
I think you did the right thing asking so far ahead so you can now put that to one side happy in the knowledge that a vegan menu is a perfectly acceptable way to go.

BriKelly10 · 21/09/2018 20:57

@HesterMacaulay Yes, i'm very happy in my decision. How would I hide the thread?

HesterMacaulay · 21/09/2018 21:00

There's a drop down option at the top of the page . One of the options is to hide the thread. It won't come up on your "threads I'm on" list Wink

Akanamali · 21/09/2018 21:01

@Geraldine170 I'm struggling to understand your point of view. When I host veggie friends I do it because I like them and enjoy their company. In return they host me and I get to try veggie dishes. I don't except them to compromise their so I can have a chicken breast. I certainly wouldn't expect them to compromise their strongly held beliefs and potentially affect their enjoyment of their own wedding so I can eat meat. I'm there to help them celebrate and as long as the food is good I can go without meat/animal products for one meal.

If the food wasn't nice that's a completely different issue. I've had my fair share of dry and bland meat dishes at weddings.

notacooldad · 21/09/2018 21:02

I would serve a vegan meal but make sure it is creative and interesting. Just send out the meal choices at the appropriate time and don't talk about it between now and then.

greenlanes · 21/09/2018 21:04

I havent read 650+ posts. Sorry! But have tried to skim OP posts.

My recommendation: use this as an opportunity to show how cracking vegan food can be. But only serve what you and soontbDH want to. Deal with true food allergies. But perhaps most importantly how will you deal with alcohol? I thought much of that was barely vegetarian, let alone vegan?

TeachesOfPeaches · 21/09/2018 21:06

You wouldn't get any meat at a Hindu wedding or pork at a Muslim or Jewish wedding so your guests should respect your lifestyle as it's your wedding wedding which you are paying for.

Claudia84 · 21/09/2018 21:08

@geraldine1970 that sounds more like it was an issue with those people rather than vegans
Going to lots of trouble/ expense just doesn’t need to occur when you’re cooking for vegans. You can pretty much do anything and just not add the meat.. chilli, casserole etc - it’s the exact same ingredients and cheaper if you’re not also buying meat for them.
There are plenty of vegans that would be absolutely mortified to think that someone had to make a special effort beyond what they were doing for the rest of the guests (Just don’t serve the vegan the turkey at Christmas dinner - the rest of the meal is pretty much began as long as you don’t cook the potatoes in goose fat. And therefore definitely cheaper!!)
There are plenty of picky eaters that are a nightmare to cook for as well; it definitely isn’t restricted to vegans.
I do feel your pain on the wedding food though - it is the absolute WORST when there’s not enough food available at a wedding. I went to a wedding recently where the bride was vegan and the groom was a meat eater. The evening buffet was chips with options of curry sauce, gravy, cheese and mushy peas. The only thing not vegan was the cheese and it mopped up all the jaegarbombs no problem Grin

HidingFromMyKids · 21/09/2018 21:11

Also haven't read every post in thread and I doubt you will now either OP

However if you do happen to see this

I would have no problem eating one meal that is vegan friendly and people that can't do that and go home and eat what they want are a bit odd

Buuuuut I would put lots of options, people automatically think vegan means quinoa and lentil and it's clearly not, although I know a fair amount is soya based and my DD is allergic to that, as its a top allergen you might need to consider it

In two years Grin

SilverbytheSea · 21/09/2018 21:11

Serve a full vegan menu, why morally uneasy? Not eating meat for one meal isn’t going to make anyone ill. Just make sure your caterers are good as there are amazing vegan dishes out there nowadays :)
It’s a wee bit different but I have coeliac disease and ended up contaminated at my own wedding... I had to leave half way through the ceilidh and spent the rest of the evening on the toilet with violent diarrhoea and awful stomach cramps and was out of sorts for a couple of days. I wish I’d went for a fully gluten free menu... even if some of my family just assume that gf food is crap without even trying it :-/

SilverbytheSea · 21/09/2018 21:13

*that should say why make yourselves feel morally uneasy

Winebottle · 21/09/2018 21:14

As a meat eater, I would not enjoy a vegan meal but it is not a big enough part of the day to put me off going.

I hate hosts being inconsiderate of guests but having a moral objection is different. I respect veganism even though I don't follow it.

I think getting guests to pay would be hypocritical as well as rude. If it about not wanting to consume meat yourself, serve meat to guests. If it is about not wanting to facilitate the meat trade, don't serve it at all.

You would still be indirectly arranging for a animals to be slaughtered so they can end up on plates at your wedding and you would still be paying money to the meat industry. I don't see why asking guests to transfer you money would absolve you of the moral responsibility for that.

IrregularCommentary · 21/09/2018 21:18

Meat eater (at most meals tbh) here and it wouldn't occur to me that a wedding of two vegans wouldn't solely provide vegan food.

Although it's not a diet I would follow, I've had some delicious vegan meals and would actually enjoy the opportunity to try more - especially when there'd presumably be a variety to go at.

For anyone who really wouldn't go to celebrate their loved one's wedding with them based on food options I just don't know what to say to you tbh.

tillytown · 21/09/2018 21:22

As a meat eater, I would not enjoy a vegan meal but it is not a big enough part of the day to put me off going
Why? Do you literally only eat meat?

TheVeryHungryDieter · 21/09/2018 21:28

@ClaraBanana7 I was reading the thread and asked DH, what do you think?

And he said "to be honest, if it was people I liked getting married, I'd go even if they were serving no food at all."

And that's exactly how I feel too. Provide what you feel you are able to. Guests who love you will come with good will and be happy to share in your day.

Winebottle · 21/09/2018 21:28

I don't really like vegetables. I force them down but I don't enjoy them so I have never enjoyed a vegan meal.

All of my meals are non-vegan apart from when I have been forced into it.

Vicky1990 · 21/09/2018 21:28

It's your wedding so you get to set the agenda.
As long as you make it clear to your guests that you are providing a vegan meal then that would be acceptable.
I hope you have a lovely day, and wish you all the best for the future.

Gemini69 · 21/09/2018 21:28

Atkins would love this Thread Grin

Hmmmm2018 · 21/09/2018 21:30

Big meat eater here but think you should do as you wish on your wedding and follow your principles. If people cannot survive one meal without meat then they are being ridiculous and are rude. Personaly i would probably like the chance to try some different types of food, beats the dull chicken in a cream sauce you get at so many weddings.

waterlego6064 · 21/09/2018 21:30

I'm a meat eater but would not object at all to a vegan or vegetarian meal. If I'm invited as a guest to an event, I am grateful for what is offered and wouldn't dream of complaining.

I have been to a wedding where a vegetarian meal was served, in accordance with the religious beliefs of the bride. The food was delicious but sadly lacking in carbs for some strange reason. This was a very naice hotel with free flowing Pimms as soon as we arrived, so the lack of carbs meant there were a lot of very hammered people by 6pm. -5pm in my case--

sleepymouse · 21/09/2018 21:31

Its perfectly reasonable to only serve vegan food. Your wedding should be a reflection of you and dp. My veggo partner has been to many weddings where there hadn't been an option that he could eat, he still sees it as a celebration of the couple and knows to eat beforehand

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