To only pay for vegan food at my wedding?

[ClaraBanana7]

Haven't set a date yet, but it'll be in around 2 years so it's not right around the corner or anything, but DP and I are both vegans. Neither of us have a problem with other people eating animal products, I don't think I've ever even brought up veganism unless I'm at a restaurant and need to order because I really hate confrontation and I've seen/heard so many cruel and horrible things being said to vegans. That said, we don't want to pay for the guests to be served animal products at our wedding.
Some of my friends think it's unfair and that restaurants etc are pandering to the vegan 'fad' (even though I've been vegan all my life) so I should cater to everyone's dietary requirements. I told them I was considering putting a meat option on the catering form, but that whoever picked it would have to pay for it themselves as I really don't want to give my own money towards that industry. But, my friends also think it's unfair that some people have to pay and others don't.
DP doesn't want to have an animal product option at all, and tbh I would also prefer this, but I want a way of not isolating people who can't go a meal without eating animal products.

Bisto gravy granules are vegan. That surprised me.

Porridge with fruit/jam toppings is vegan too.

I think most people probably make it with milk. I've tried porridge oats with Almond milk and they pale in comparison to full fat cow's milk.

I was surprised by the phrase "try to cope without meat for a day"
It hasn't crossed my mind that it was something that was seen as a struggle that would require coping with ...
And I am a meat eater.

Serve vegan food. If its a nice menu which for a wedding I presume if will be it then I doubt anyone will have an issue once they try it.

No kidding...

It's unreasonable for you to expect guests to pay for a meal. BUT you are both vegans, so it's unreasonable for guests to expect animal products to be served at your wedding. Why on Earth would you find that when you are completely against it?

Just have a vegan menu. I eat meat but I'd be happy to eat a vegan meal at a wedding. If your guests complain then they can go to McDonald's! They're getting a free meal so should just accept what they are given!

Just provide ana amazing vegan meal

It’s one ducking day they can live without antiobiotc pumped meat and pus filled dairy for one day

Wow, this has run and run!

Just came in to answer the OP with - definitely just serve vegan food. Make a feast of it, it will be fantastic!

How about curry? A multi-curry feast would be completely amazing (and um, how would your meat-obsessed friends cope with a vegetarian Indian wedding?). As would an imaginative 'English' menu.

Definitely don't charge anybody for anything, that would be utterly inhospitable. While serving meat would compromise who you are, at your own celebration.

Just stop talking to everyone about it and, have fun!

Are you happy to accept gifts from people whose choice if diet you disapprove of?

Why do you even want their company at your wedding if their choice is so abhorrent to you that you would consider making them pay for their own meal?

More to the point, do you really believe they would want to celebrate any occasion with such an outrageously ungracious pair of people?

@AssignedNorthernAtBirth I've not made any plans or decided on menu/venue/drinks yet. My parents are teetotal so I won't just be serving alcohol and then tea/coffee, not sure where people got that idea from as I never said anything of the sort but your suggestion of posh drinks is definitely one I'll include when I get round to planning it.

@Clandestino I'm not a bridezilla or a vegan bridezilla or anything of the sort, I haven't even started planning yet but I have always intended on having a vegan wedding, I've only ever thrown vegan parties, if I cook it's vegan food etc. When I announced the news to my friends today, after a long discussion not about food (because some people think I immediately brought it up for the sake of it some of my friends said they'd be really unhappy if they didn't get a meat option and wouldn't come/would leave before the reception. I discussed it with dp who said hands down we're not paying for non-vegan food so I wondered maybe we could give people the option of buying their own meal at the reception which was not vegan if they really wanted it. However, the reception is going to be at my family home as is tradition in my family, my mum would be really upset if it wasn't, so being at a venue where people could just go and buy their own meal if they wanted to wouldn't work.

I went to a wedding where only vegan food was served and it went down like a cup of cold sick.

The main issue was that most of the people there being good friend’s or family of the vegan couple had, over the years, gone to a great deal of time, trouble, expense and inconvenience to cater for their diet. Like you they weren’t recent vegans and were vegans during the period when (especially where we live in the North) to dine out with them might involve travelling some distance to an out of the way place. If they came over for dinner a vegan alternative would need to be offered, which is not might as easy as you might think. Plus if they came to stay, again, special food, expense, having to go out of your way to get it if you don’t want to cook from scratch every day and not give pot snacks. Vegan Christmas catering alongside everybody else, I’ve done that, so have others. Right pain in the arse as also had two vegetarians who didn’t want vegan and that cropped up a few times as me, veggies, vegans, all same family. What makes it worse is that one of the vegans quite often just picks at her meal and just has a couple of spoonfuls of something you might have gone to a lot of trouble for.

You want your guests to enjoy your wedding right? You don’t want them to remember it as being a bit rubbish?

Well these two when it was their wedding, for them to return the favour by just saying ‘You’re all having vegan’ when they knew that what their guests would enjoy most was not vegan was a little rude considering that practically every person attending would have in some way or another gone to trouble to accommodate their diet in the past.

Plus, if you’re having alcohol you will need to make sure what you serve is loaded with carbs. The one I went to had a light vegetable based meal or a carb heavy meal. The people who ate the vegetable meal got pissed really quickly and went to bed. The people who were laden with carbs fared a little better in drinking terms but were also filled with stodge so not really dancing and in bed early.

And I have never had a nice vegan dessert, they never work. Could you not at least let your guests get a vegetarian option so they can have a bit of protein before they drink? Vegan dinner + people who don’t usually eat vegan drinking is not a good mix.

Would you rather your guests enjoyed their meals or just tolerated it?

Your wedding, you should choose the menu. I don't see others checking if people are happy with whatever meal they've chosen. Not everyone likes lamb/ chicken/ salmon etc.

If you were my friend/ family member and I was aware you were vegan I would ask if the food was going to be vegan (I wouldn't expect you to 'warn' people) but that is because I am allergic to all beans and some other legumes and can't eat soy/ tofu for medical reasons (I'd make a shit vegan!) if you were having a tofu salad, bean stew and dessert made with soy milk I'd still attend, I'd just make sure I brought a sandwich with me (probably carrot and hummus to be in keeping with the vegan) !

I see nothing 'ungracious' in OP accepting other people's choices in life without compromising her own beliefs @mathanxiety

I wouldn't tell people. I'd just pick a really lovely, flavoursome vegan meal. If you tell people in advance some "but I couldn't possibly live without meat at every meal" types will get grumpy. On the day they'd more than likely just eat it (perhaps grumble a bit!)

But definitely don't ask them to pay for meat!

(re the gifts, people accept gifts from people that voted differently, have different religions- alsorts of things...)

dp who said hands down we're not paying for non-vegan food so I wondered maybe we could give people the option of buying their own meal at the reception which was not vegan if they really wanted it.

Sorry, that’s fucking appalling. There are definitely meat options available but you’re refusing to pay for it and telling them to buy their own if they want it? These are people who will have accommodated you, gone to expense to come to your wedding and bought you a present? And you think that’s acceptable? Going all vegan is better than that option. That option is rude as fuck and would get a PFO from me.

Adding my voice to the ‘just serve delicious vegan food and don’t tell anyone’ brigade.
I’m a meat eater and would be upset if a vegan friend felt they needed to go against their beliefs to pander to my preferences. I’m fiercly anti-smoking so DH’s family we’re banned from smoking in/around our wedding. They weren’t happy, but guess what, they survived without injury. They just got a bit wet going for walks in the rain to feed the addiction.

With me and my partner both being vegan I would not be serving animals or animal products on anyone's plates.

Vegan Indian food is amazing. I’d happily eat that every day if some one cooked it!!

@Geraldine170 I don't know what PFO means, but since you haven't read the first page of the thread I decided within about 20 minutes to have it all vegan, would probably serve a buffet but not going to decide for a while, and have a selection of different world foods that we love because we travel a lot so that everyone has something they like.
There are no meat options available as the reception is at my parent's house so we're getting a caterer.
Also if you've read the thread, none of them have actually catered for me or dp before, I tend to just go hungry or keep snacks in my purse so not to be a bother. I've also not asked for presents from anyone, I prefer giving them to receiving and I don't want to put anyone in a position where they feel like they have to bring a present.

Just another vote here for you to not stress about it and serve all vegan. It’s not as if you’re going to be giving out viva leaflets.; there’s no pushing an agenda at all. It’s just a meal that happens to not have meat in it.

Are you happy to accept gifts from people whose choice if diet you disapprove of?

Why do you even want their company at your wedding if their choice is so abhorrent to you that you would consider making them pay for their own meal?

More to the point, do you really believe they would want to celebrate any occasion with such an outrageously ungracious pair of people?

You really typed all of this and pressed 'post' without stopping to think that maybe you're being a bit ridiculous?

Your chance to show them what a really good vegan/vegetarian feast looks like. I agree with earlier poster who said don't trumpet it as a Vegan Wedding, or it will live with that label and become more of a talking point than the wedding itself, but just show a nice menu to those who ask. You might have to cater for people with nut allergies or gluten intolerance. I think that is reasonable. I don't think asking meat eaters to pay is . Not even mention no meat. Its your wedding. They can have a massive meat breakfast if they are that bothered.

For those that are saying you'd be hungry if you just had vegan food.. if you had a cheese and tomato pizza with normal cheese, would that be filling? But if you had exactly the same with vegan cheese it wouldn't?

Jesus wept, I’m an enthusiastic meat eater but there are some fucking ignorant views on here about vegan food.

Oh OP. Please go have a fun Friday night and stop forcing yourself to engage with fuckwits who think they have something new to add to a 700 post thread!