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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To only pay for vegan food at my wedding?

999 replies

ClaraBanana7 · 21/09/2018 14:52

Haven't set a date yet, but it'll be in around 2 years so it's not right around the corner or anything, but DP and I are both vegans. Neither of us have a problem with other people eating animal products, I don't think I've ever even brought up veganism unless I'm at a restaurant and need to order because I really hate confrontation and I've seen/heard so many cruel and horrible things being said to vegans. That said, we don't want to pay for the guests to be served animal products at our wedding.
Some of my friends think it's unfair and that restaurants etc are pandering to the vegan 'fad' (even though I've been vegan all my life) so I should cater to everyone's dietary requirements. I told them I was considering putting a meat option on the catering form, but that whoever picked it would have to pay for it themselves as I really don't want to give my own money towards that industry. But, my friends also think it's unfair that some people have to pay and others don't.
DP doesn't want to have an animal product option at all, and tbh I would also prefer this, but I want a way of not isolating people who can't go a meal without eating animal products.

OP posts:

Thread gallery

Akanamali · 21/09/2018 19:08

Don't make your guests pay just because they aren't vegan!!

Cancel the cheque!!

Welshmaiden85 · 21/09/2018 19:08

I agree that the paying for meat is a red herring. Don’t do that. Just serve vegan.

LeftRightCentre · 21/09/2018 19:10

*She really won’t half of the stuff won’t get eaten as the guests won’t be familiar with it and the children won’t go near it

Weddings are not the place to test shit out

You stick to what you know the majory will like*

Only if the guests are all a load of ignorant oiks who can't even spell 'fucking' properly and eat a diet composed of processed crap. Thankfully it doesn't sound like the OP fraternises with a load of uncouth louts who can't bear to go without sausages and chips for even one meal.

DaisyStarburst · 21/09/2018 19:10

When there is a vegetarian/vegan option how often is it all gone before the vegetarians/vegans get to it, serve the vegan menu. We had a vegetarian buffet at our wedding. We didn't mention it to anyone, had a vegetarian caterer who served a delicious buffet and there were no bad comments and everyone ate. I've been to weddings where there's been nothing I can eat, one where I was pregnant and had to go home because I felt faint and ill because I hadn't eaten.

Sleepsoon7 · 21/09/2018 19:12

Thanks for the heads up aba.. re soya milk in tea being rank - never actually tried it! Scratch that suggestion OP!

chicken2015 · 21/09/2018 19:13

As a meat eater i would say serve vegan only , i wouldn't have problem with this at all, its one day and its your day, so totally understand ur reasonings

PurpleDaisies · 21/09/2018 19:14

Any non dairy milk is disgusting in tea. I haven’t found a good substitute yet.

Best to go with no tea/coffee at all than serve without “proper” milk.

icannotthinkofauser · 21/09/2018 19:14

@Confusedbeetle providing food that doesn't contain meat or dairy products is extremely different to only giving out meat dishes at a wedding. People can last one meal without meat. Having to eat meat is not a " belief " like choosing not to eat meat is.

muchalover · 21/09/2018 19:16

As a long standing vegetarian I would not provide meat or meat products. I don't eat meat because of the way the meat industry is run and the treatment of animals not because I don't like meat.

I wouldn't want a penny of my money to be used to kill any animal because someone couldn't skip the meat for a single meal. I wouldn't care if they didn't come either. I wouldn't want narrow minded people who didn't accept my life choices there anyway.

Providing meat would be the same as eating meat and I would never be prepared to do that.

LydiaLunch7 · 21/09/2018 19:16

Best to go with no tea/coffee at all than serve without “proper” milk

Best is clearly coffee without milk.

BlueberryPud · 21/09/2018 19:18

Best to go with no tea/coffee at all than serve without “proper” milk

When 'proper' milk isn't available I tend to go for a herbal tea, so it doesn't need milk. Not ideal, admittedly, but better than no tea at all.

Branleuse · 21/09/2018 19:18

alpro oat milk is usually quite palatable for people used to cows milk. I find it the closest, and probably why every time i go to get it from the supermarket, theres often not much left

PurpleDaisies · 21/09/2018 19:18

I agree lydia but most people don’t drink black tea and coffee.

PurpleDaisies · 21/09/2018 19:19

alpro oat milk is usually quite palatable for people used to cows milk.

It’s hortivle.

PurpleDaisies · 21/09/2018 19:19

Horrible!

zwellers · 21/09/2018 19:19

Avocados. Yes They can eat meat. They choose not to. That's fine. Others choose to eat meat. Also fine. What I dont get is why it's bad not to offer the choice of a vegan option but it's fine for vegans to inflict their choices on others by not offering a meat option.

InSearchOfAPear · 21/09/2018 19:21

Oh dear you gave "your friends" a reason to make it all about them! I think that you should have sent out wedding invites to your guests, maybe with a menu if you wanted to let them know that you would be serving Vegan food and asked them to RSVP. I'm not a vegan but if I was one of your friends who you'd invited, I would be very happy to celebrate your big day with you and I'm sure I would easily be able to find something on the menu. It's not compulsory for us meat eaters to have meat at every meal! ☺️

myrtleWilson · 21/09/2018 19:22

You really don't get that zweller - has nothing in this thread given you the teeniest insight into what may be an answer? Hint.... it is not just about dietary preference

LydiaLunch7 · 21/09/2018 19:22

I agree lydia but most people don’t drink black tea and coffee

Those people wouldn't be welcome at any wedding of mine!

WindDoesNotBreakTheBendyTree · 21/09/2018 19:23

you say you have no problem with meat eaters but then go on to say that you won't pay for meat. So you are judging them then and making them suffer because they have different views to you.

What utter bullshit. How are they suffering? By having to eat an asparagus tart? Yes, pure torture.

PurpleDaisies · 21/09/2018 19:24

Those people wouldn't be welcome at any wedding of mine!

What a ridiculous statement. Am I missing sarcasm?

HesterMacaulay · 21/09/2018 19:24

I think you will have to make sure the vegan food is still 'nornal' not tofu kale smoothies..
Are you a character from a 1970s sit com?

PatriciaHolm · 21/09/2018 19:26

This thread is like being slowly strangled to death with a string of Richmonds.

OP, save yourself! Go have a fun Friday night!

icannotthinkofauser · 21/09/2018 19:27

@WindDoesNotBreakTheBendyTree suffering how? by not having meat with one meal?!

Whatsnewwithyou · 21/09/2018 19:29

Oatly barista is actually pretty good - it's the only substitute that I think people would find reasonably acceptable.

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