To only pay for vegan food at my wedding?

[ClaraBanana7]

Haven't set a date yet, but it'll be in around 2 years so it's not right around the corner or anything, but DP and I are both vegans. Neither of us have a problem with other people eating animal products, I don't think I've ever even brought up veganism unless I'm at a restaurant and need to order because I really hate confrontation and I've seen/heard so many cruel and horrible things being said to vegans. That said, we don't want to pay for the guests to be served animal products at our wedding.
Some of my friends think it's unfair and that restaurants etc are pandering to the vegan 'fad' (even though I've been vegan all my life) so I should cater to everyone's dietary requirements. I told them I was considering putting a meat option on the catering form, but that whoever picked it would have to pay for it themselves as I really don't want to give my own money towards that industry. But, my friends also think it's unfair that some people have to pay and others don't.
DP doesn't want to have an animal product option at all, and tbh I would also prefer this, but I want a way of not isolating people who can't go a meal without eating animal products.

Akani I hate tea black. So would survive just drinking water, orange juice and coke all day. But yes it is shit if you are not drinking alcohol to be limited to the few options at the average bar. So would miss being able to have tea.

Just serve a lovely vegan meal for everyone.

It would be very bad form to expect people to pay fo their own food at a wedding.

You either want people to celebrate your marriage or not.
You either want to be accommodating or not.

You say you have no problem with meat eaters but then go on to say that you won't pay for meat. So you are judging them then and making them suffer because they have different views to you.
If you say as you wouldn't eat it why would you serve it same for any food a bride or groom doesn't like. DH and I don't like pork but it was an option at our wedding. We are g so narrow minded our views are the only right views.

If you do judge meat eaters and those who consume animal products as immoral at least be honest to yourself. You may be right that it's not right - but so many things aren't technically right but are ingrained in our society.

I'd either have a vegetarian but not vegan option (no direct harm of an animal as a compromise) or have a vegan menu but a couple of choices. Perhaps they could pick bits of each of the plate so the couscous from the risotto and the vegetables in the vegetable curry etc.

But it's just teattish to make someone feel you're punishing them for their choices.

I'd happily eat a vegan meal at a wedding - I just think that although the wedding is about your joining together, the celebration is for everyone.

Just have a vegan meal, and don't give people any options - plenty o people have a set meal at their wedding, and just ask people to advise of dietary requirements. As a meat eater, I wouldn't find it at all strange for you to cater to your own diet. I can't believe that some posters are suggesting that huge swathes of people would refuse to attend if there was no meat at the wedding

@Zwellers because meat eaters can eat a meal that does not contain meat. There is nothing to say that every meal must contain meat.

Vegans and vegetarians, by contrast, cannot eat a meal that does contain meat.

@ClaraBanana7 my post isn't referring to what people can/can't eat for moral/allergy reasons it's about enjoyment. There's lots of things I can eat but it doesn't mean I'll like them. I just think that a wedding isn't the best time to only cater for your own lifestyle choice as people will be making a lot of effort to celebrate your day with you. If you were throwing a dinner party for local friends my view would be totally different and I'd say serve all vegan and show how nice it can be. I just think if you were my friend I'd ensure I provided a really nice vegan meal for you so you could enjoy yourself not just so you had something you could eat.

Why is it that people (rightly) are supposed to cater for vegans or veggies but they refuse to cater for meat eaters?

Because meat eaters do not only eat meat. That’s it. They can eat vegetarian or vegan food without it compromising their principles (or just likes).

Am sure (in fact she has already confirmed) that the OP will take into account any allergy issues guests may have to ensure they are still able to attend her wedding.

Depending on the size/number of the buffet options, you could do an at table "mezze" style serving - so each table has their own scaled down buffet - still plenty of choice but reduces concerns about fingers in dips etc. My cousin had a mezze style serving at her wedding and it worked really really well. Meant everyone (more or less) got served at the same time and no queuing or worrying that there wouldn't be any food left by the time you got to the front.

I would just serve the vegan meal without making an issue about it. I can't think of any medical issue which would require the consumption of meat at every meal, so it's just a question of how much you wish to cater for preferences.

I'm vegetarian and I like cheese and cream, but I wouldn't fade away if I didn't have those things in one meal. Yes, you want your guests to enjoy the day, but I can't see how a lack of meat would prevent that. I've often been to weddings where the meal hasn't been particularly to my taste, but I've got on with it because the day isn't all about me and my specific dietary preferences.

It's not as though the preferences of every individual guest can be catered for. What if you serve beef and there are people who don't don't like beef and would prefer chicken? What if you serve salmon and some people prefer tuna?

To be honest, if someone is so focused on their own likes and dislikes that they'd consider not attending the wedding of someone close to them because they don't like the sound of the food, then they'd probably find something else to complain about anyway.

Having said all that, the poster who mentioned tea and coffee has a good point. It might be worth compromising on the milk front. And if you're willing to do that, then a mixed vegan/vegetarian menu might go down marginally better. But if you do decide to stick with a vegan meal, then definitely make sure you have enough food.

No one here would make vegan's and vegetrians cough up for there own food. For allergy reason i really cannot eat most vegan food (I am deadly allergic to nuts) So i would simply decline.

Or just mention your nut allergy so you're provided for?

As would you if there was no vegan option and the vegetarian was Cheese based.

She's already said she's been to weddings where she didn't eat and is fine with that.

No one on here would say its one meal vegans / vegetrians can skip the meal or eat parts of said meal they can do since its only 1 meal they can cope with having whats on offer.

Are you really dim enough to not see the difference? A meat eater already eats plant based food every day so a meal with plant based food and no meat is no big deal. I wouldn't enjoy a meal with no meat as much as one with meal but it's perfectly edible and some vegan dishes are quite nice. A vegan is morally against eating animal products so a meat based meal will cause significant distress and many just won't eat it.

You sound pigheaded though so I doubt your absence would be missed in any case.

Why is it that people post replies to 23-page threads making the most basic points assuming that those same points haven't been made and discussed 20 times already?

If I attended a wedding between two vegans I would expect to only eat vegan. Im allergic to shrooms though so would need an alternative to them if used.

I do think it's beyond ridiculous though if friends can't go without meat for a day. In fact it's half the day no doubt - so could get a meaty breakfast beforehand.

I'm attending a Christmas wedding and we have a meal option menu.

Pork or Lamb.

With a vegan option of Mushroom Stroganoff.

Now I'm not even a vegetarian but I bloody hate pork and I don't care for Lamb at all. Had it been Duck, Beef, Turkey (it's Xmas!) or chicken, or fish I'd have been well suited. But bloody Pork or bloody Lamb?
No chance. Thank goodness there is a vegan option.

And for those of you who cannot bear the thought of a vegan meal. Have you thought of taking your own meat sprinkles?

Akani I hate tea black. So would survive just drinking water, orange juice and coke all day. But yes it is shit if you are not drinking alcohol to be limited to the few options at the average bar. So would miss being able to have tea.

That's fine, and I understand what you're saying completely, but not being able to do it for one single event without complaining is practically the definition of set in your ways.

If they are true friends they would know that you are vegan and be happy to eat the food you offer - there are so many lovely vegan things you can offer to eat to cater for all tastes - what's not to like? No one will die if they don't eat animals for one evening! I am a meat eater myself, by the way, and it wouldn't bother me at all.

I think a vegan wedding would be lovely, really different. I say go all out.

You say you have no problem with meat eaters but then go on to say that you won't pay for meat. So you are judging them then and making them suffer because they have different views to you.
If you say as you wouldn't eat it why would you serve it same for any food a bride or groom doesn't like. DH and I don't like pork but it was an option at our wedding. We are g so narrow minded our views are the only right views.

I wouldn't say being deprived of meat for one meal is 'suffering'. Get a grip. Would you serve dog at your wedding if some of the guests quite liked dog meat?

I'd just give vegan too but as pp said it would be really appreciated if you could give people a heads up about the menu in advance as many vegan dishes are nutty. I've always had to be really careful with vegan food.

Just serve vegan food and don't make a fuss of it. Make sure you find a shit hot caterer (vegan food can be incredible but it can also be bland and tasteless if it's not well done, especially to someone who is used to the taste of animal products). Absolutely do not tell people you are going to make them pay for a meat option. Just don't give them the option, just serve nice food.

As an aside
Vegans and vegetarians, by contrast, cannot eat a meal that does contain meat.

Is not strictly true. They absolutely can eat meat, they just don't want to.

I find it bizarre that people are saying they wouldn’t go to a wedding where the meal was vegan. I do eat meat but if I was invited to the wedding of 2 vegans I’d be looking forward to a lovely vegan meal.

It’s your wedding. You are totally within your rights to only provide vegan food. I’m a meat eater but would eat vegan food without any issue. I guess you could pre-warn people on the invitation “please note we will be serving a vegan meal for all our guests”. But other than that I don’t see what the big deal is. I’m not a fussy eater though.

This sounds awful to me but understand the logic.

I think you will have to make sure the vegan food is still 'nornal' not tofu kale smoothies.... Are you really not going to have milk for tea?

Don't make your guests pay just because they aren't vegan!! You would expect to have your dietary requirements catered for at someone else's wedding and not expect to be asked to pay for it! And FYI a vegan diet isn't necessarily healthier nor is it more environmentally friendly given the sheer amount of palm oils and nut oils it contains and the fact everything needs to be heavily supplemented just to be nutritionally comptabile, I'll stick to my locally reared higher welfare free range meat and eggs and an ingredients list thats not 10 pages long thankyou.

You either serve vegan to all or pay for a meat option. You can’t charge meat eaters for their meal. They won’t come.