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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To only pay for vegan food at my wedding?

999 replies

ClaraBanana7 · 21/09/2018 14:52

Haven't set a date yet, but it'll be in around 2 years so it's not right around the corner or anything, but DP and I are both vegans. Neither of us have a problem with other people eating animal products, I don't think I've ever even brought up veganism unless I'm at a restaurant and need to order because I really hate confrontation and I've seen/heard so many cruel and horrible things being said to vegans. That said, we don't want to pay for the guests to be served animal products at our wedding.
Some of my friends think it's unfair and that restaurants etc are pandering to the vegan 'fad' (even though I've been vegan all my life) so I should cater to everyone's dietary requirements. I told them I was considering putting a meat option on the catering form, but that whoever picked it would have to pay for it themselves as I really don't want to give my own money towards that industry. But, my friends also think it's unfair that some people have to pay and others don't.
DP doesn't want to have an animal product option at all, and tbh I would also prefer this, but I want a way of not isolating people who can't go a meal without eating animal products.

OP posts:
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SingaSong12 · 21/09/2018 18:20

I eat everything. I'd say go fully vegan. It's your wedding. Do have a couple of choices though, I'd be happy to eat couscous or chickpea based meal, but I can deal with the texture of tofu.

abacucat · 21/09/2018 18:21

I would go to this, and I make and eat vegan meals at home. But I do think vegan buffets tend to be pretty poor. Yes I love nice salads, but hardly a filling meal.

WindDoesNotBreakTheBendyTree · 21/09/2018 18:21

Serve only a delicious vegan meal

If people cannot cope with that for one afternoon/evening they can go to macdonalds on the way home and make a fuss they probably should have a word with themselves and work out if they love you and want to celebrate your wedding or are just there for the free lunch.

Offering people a paid meat option doesn't fit with your logic at about supporting the meat/dairy industry, and appears rude.

Just don't show Cowspiracy at the reception.

Original poster
ClaraBanana7 · 21/09/2018 18:22

@Italiangreyhound stuffed vine leaves are absolutely delicious, I grow the type of vines needed in my garden and they are my favourite thing ever.

OP posts:
babydreamer1 · 21/09/2018 18:23

Ask yourself if you would be happy if you went to a friends wedding and there was only vegan/vegetarian food available if you paid for it, or not at all, as the bride and groom felt strongly that supporting the meat/dairy farming industry was important to them? So you either went hungry or didn't enjoy your food.

It costs a lot to go to a wedding, travel, outfit, accommodation, present etc so the least you can do is cater for all tastes. 1 meat/1 vegan. We're catering for all at our wedding regardless of wether it's our personal preference as we just want people to enjoy our day.

Original poster
ClaraBanana7 · 21/09/2018 18:23

@WindDoesNotBreakTheBendyTree I've never seen cowspiracy and don't intend to watch it, same with most of the other vegan documentaries.

OP posts:
Outfoxed · 21/09/2018 18:26

My sisters wedding was all vegan, she got her favourite Indian restaurant to cater and it was absolutely the best food I’ve ever had at a wedding. Not one of our very carnivorous family complained.
As long as the food is delicious no one will mind surely.

abacucat · 21/09/2018 18:26

If you were my friend Op I would say go all vegan, except provide actual milk for tea and coffee. If you won't, provide a non alcohol based drink that would appeal to older people.
If you are having kids attending, provide chips at the buffet.
Don't provide dips at a buffet. They are a hygiene nightmare with kids dipping fingers in, food falling in, etc. You don't want people getting ill or simply not eating them after seeing a kid putting their hand in.

wentmadinthecountry · 21/09/2018 18:27

If I knew the bride/groom were vegan I'd be expecting the food to be vegan. I don't really move in circles where people are anti vegan s I think that would be odd. As others say, just make sure the food's delicious. My preference would be Middle Eastern or Indian too. Nothing too worthy looking (ie brown food)

WindDoesNotBreakTheBendyTree · 21/09/2018 18:27

nor me @ClaraBanana7 - I suppose I am just saying - jokily - that you don't need to labour the point at the wedding.

So much vegan food is so wonderful I doubt people will notice apart from those who think its still 1973 but I would think you would have to be fussier with your venue/caterer.

Foodylicious · 21/09/2018 18:27

I would say just serve vegan food, but if you are doing tea/coffee at any point the lack of dairy milk may be an issue.

Some people are very set in their ways and routines about having a hot drink after a meal.
Have you thought about alternatives?
Or is the venue somewhere people could buy coffee over the bar?

You could includebsomething about it on the invite/menu along with the 'wine is included on the table and firthervdrinks including tea and coffee will be available for you to purchase from the bar'

DearTeddyRobinson · 21/09/2018 18:27

In the nicest possible way OP, you're over-thinking this. Just have a fab vegan menu. No one will mind! But for the love of god please don't charge people to eat at your wedding! BIL got married last year and had a veggie/vegan wedding. It was all great food and in no way impacted anything about the day. (I'm a carnivore btw). Just keep the (vegan) wine flowing, make sure there's tons to eat, and all will be well. Have a lovely day but please don't get your knickers in a twist just yet, you've a long way to go!

Original poster
ClaraBanana7 · 21/09/2018 18:27

@babydreamer1 the difference is, everyone can eat vegan food and not everyone can eat meat/dairy. I have been to weddings where I paid for a separate option as the hosts couldn't/wouldn't afford to, have also been to weddings where I just didn't eat and put up with a number of people asking if I had issues with food or attacking me for being rude and not eating. But, I also will never change on my stance of not eating animal products and therefore regularly go hungry when no options are provided.

Everyone is catered to at my wedding as everyone can eat vegan food. Refusing to provide a nut free option for someone with allergies or a gluten free option for a coeliac would be not catering to everyone and is something I would never do.

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 21/09/2018 18:28

I'm not sure Vegan is even the issue here.... the issue was

was whether OP was being unreasonable to Charge for a MEAT meal option at the Wedding... I think she would be being unreasonable... but the point has been lost in amongst all the posts... Flowers

WindDoesNotBreakTheBendyTree · 21/09/2018 18:28

Actually I agree with pp re milk for tea and coffee. If you can cope with that. I think more people would mind about that than the food.

RememberUs · 21/09/2018 18:29

Another vote for all vegan here, unless your DH could bend to allow some dairy to go to vegetarian.

I am a meat eater who doesn't like combined food (stews etc) or many veg, but if I was coming to your wedding and knew you well enough to know your views on farming I wouldn't expect anything but vegan.

Like you suggested having a snack bar or similar in your bag is always a good idea and especially for weddings when you can never be sure you are going to be fed. And a packed lunch is always taken for the DC.

At my wedding we only had a meat dish or veggie for those that we knew preferred or asked in advance. I had 3 complaints on the day because they didn't like the meat. In hindsight I should have not bothered to invite these people as they are distant relatives who are never happy. They didn't get invites to my siblings weddings.

MrsNacho · 21/09/2018 18:30

I am a meat eater.

If invited to a vegan wedding I would be expecting vegan food.

Just serve something really delicious and don't mention it.

abacucat · 21/09/2018 18:31

It isn't being set in your ways to want tea or coffee after a meal. If you don't drink alcohol, your options are often pretty limited to fizzy sodas, water, or juice. I love a cup of tea instead of another bloody orange juice or coke.

MilesHuntsWig · 21/09/2018 18:32

I want to come - sounds awesome!!

We did a veggie/vegan wedding years ago (my husband does eat meat but we compromised with a veggie option). We had a few people moan but tbh, if they can't respect your values on your wedding day you've got to ask yourself how much they respect your friendship IMO.

Most people said it was lovely. We didn't do anything too weird - just vegan roasties, veggie wellington, vegan apple pie... simple and filling (to soak up the booze!).

Congratulations and enjoy!

PickAChew · 21/09/2018 18:32

Vegan food is just food, people! Anyone can eat it, so long as they have no actual allergy or intolerance.

LydiaLunch7 · 21/09/2018 18:34

It isn't being set in your ways to want tea or coffee after a meal. If you don't drink alcohol, your options are often pretty limited to fizzy sodas, water, or juice. I love a cup of tea instead of another bloody orange juice or coke

Not that OP has said anything about tea or coffee, but as a side point, it absolutely is set in your ways if you can't go one day without drinking tea or coffee after lunch. It's hardly a big deal, is it?

EvaHarknessRose · 21/09/2018 18:34

Just make sure your vegan choices go a little easy on the stomach for those who can’t tolerate spices, onion, garlic or pulses easily (only as we have got older have I realised this is not fussiness).

Meralia · 21/09/2018 18:34

There’s no issue here. Just provide the vegan food, you shouldn’t have to, as you say, line the pockets of an industry that you are strongly against.

I’m a meat eater, but I would be more than happy to only have vegan food at a wedding if the bride and groom are vegan. So no, don’t give a meat option.

There are plenty of bridezilla behaviours knocking around on mumsnet, but this is definitely not one of them.

Congratulations OP.

LynetteScavo · 21/09/2018 18:34

but I want a way of not isolating people who can't go a meal without eating animal products

There is no such person on the planet.

Sorry, I haven't read the whole thread, but you should definitely serve only vegan food. I say this as a meat eater.

I wouldn't make a big deal about it being vegan....many foods are vegan without people realising it.

Gillian1980 · 21/09/2018 18:35

If I knew a couple were vegan I’d be thinking that a vegan wedding meal was likely. I’d just serve all vegan.
I say that as a big meat-eater.

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