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AIBU?

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Original poster

To only pay for vegan food at my wedding?

999 replies

ClaraBanana7 · 21/09/2018 14:52

Haven't set a date yet, but it'll be in around 2 years so it's not right around the corner or anything, but DP and I are both vegans. Neither of us have a problem with other people eating animal products, I don't think I've ever even brought up veganism unless I'm at a restaurant and need to order because I really hate confrontation and I've seen/heard so many cruel and horrible things being said to vegans. That said, we don't want to pay for the guests to be served animal products at our wedding.
Some of my friends think it's unfair and that restaurants etc are pandering to the vegan 'fad' (even though I've been vegan all my life) so I should cater to everyone's dietary requirements. I told them I was considering putting a meat option on the catering form, but that whoever picked it would have to pay for it themselves as I really don't want to give my own money towards that industry. But, my friends also think it's unfair that some people have to pay and others don't.
DP doesn't want to have an animal product option at all, and tbh I would also prefer this, but I want a way of not isolating people who can't go a meal without eating animal products.

OP posts:
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SuburbanRhonda · 21/09/2018 18:05

What do you do when you go to everyone else's Wedding? Do they provide an option for you?

I had a plate of rice at my best friend’s wedding lunch. She’d forgotten I was vegetarian.

Chickoletta · 21/09/2018 18:05

I can absolutely see why you would not want to pay for non-vegan food for your guests and it is entirely your choice. I think you should serve a vegan menu.

As a word of caution, however, we went to a vegetarian wedding earlier this month and there was just not enough filling food for people who are used to eating meat. The food was delicious, but, to us it seemed like lots of side dishes - roasted cauliflower, hummus, various salads, all very nice but we needed something more substantial. Everyone was starving and hammered by mid evening as there was not enough starchy food to soak up the booze!

I do realise that there are loads of filling veggie/vegan foods, but this menu didn't have any of them!

BolleauxtoBankers · 21/09/2018 18:06

Congratulations, OP!
As others have said, as long as you don't make a fuss about it and get the best vegan caterers you can afford, just go ahead with the vegan menu and cater for those who have allergy problems/health issues as best you can (this doesn't mean the idiots who refuse to eat just one meal without meat, poultry, fish, or dairy, obviously)! Enjoy! Anyone normal won't have a problem, it's your wedding, they can have horse steak tartare at their own wedding if they so choose, that's their prerogative!

PatriciaHolm · 21/09/2018 18:07

What do you do when you go to everyone else's Wedding? Do they provide an option for you?

Oh god. It's like Groundhog Day.

You know, when a thread already has almost 500 posts on it, what's really useful is to at least skim read it so you know not to make an arsey point that has already been made (and answered) a number of times?

mynameisnotmichaelcaine · 21/09/2018 18:08

I'm the biggest carnivore I know, and three weeks ago went to a wedding where only vegan food was served. The food was lovely, my daughter was a bit picky, and are mainly bread and olives, but nobody is incapable of eating vegan for one poxy day! Just serve what you would be happy to eat!

Original poster
ClaraBanana7 · 21/09/2018 18:08

@MrsMelonBall Sometimes I get a vegan friendly option, other times I just eat the side salad or chips or whatever they have, sometimes I eat nothing and I don't make a fuss. Just one night after all

OP posts:
mynameisnotmichaelcaine · 21/09/2018 18:09

*ate
*didn't mean to suggest your wedding would be poxy, I'm sure it will be beautiful.

SuburbanRhonda · 21/09/2018 18:09

Our wedding was completely vegetarian. The lunch was at our favourite Chinese restaurant - they were thrilled to a design meat-free menu for us.

We were also able to keep the numbers down as quite a few people - mostly older people to be fair - either didn’t like Chinese or couldn’t get their heads round the idea of a meal without meat in it. Win-win!

abacucat · 21/09/2018 18:10

Actually not all people do eat vegan meals. They may eat vegetarian meals though without realising. So baked beans on toast with butter is not vegan. Carrot and coriander soup with bread and butter is not vegan. Not a reason not to serve vegan food, but some people are simply wrong here.

RomanyRoots · 21/09/2018 18:11

I think you have to go with what your guests want.
I can imagine lots of people sneaking off to fast food places, with comments of I'm not eating that muck.I saw this at a 40th party once.

Maybe do a mix of both, or don't invite non vegans.

Lululemonade · 21/09/2018 18:12

I am a full on carnivore but if I was at a friends wedding and they were both vegans I wouldn’t really want to eat meat.
I haven’t read the whole thread so this may have come up already but if you didn’t eat something for religious reasons you wouldn’t dream of serving it. Just do what makes you happy - it is your wedding

HesterMacaulay · 21/09/2018 18:12

@flumpybear why on earth would you expect someone who feels abhorrence at the cruelty involved in the meat and dairy industry, to provide meat at their wedding??
It's not the same at all as a meat eater providing a veggie or vegan option

Italiangreyhound · 21/09/2018 18:13

ClaraBanana7 you've had a ton of replies so here is my 2p worth.

Your wedding, your way.

Don't offer a meat option. It's confusing, some paying some not, IMHO.

Could you offer a choice but make both choices vegan?

For example mains which are vegan and most people will find appealing. EG a nut roast with potatoes and a curry with rice. Get people to reply with food orders and then leave your caterers to deal with it.

They accept what is on offer and come or they don't come. Or if anyone complains it is simple, they get their own bacon sandwich on the way to the wedding and eat it before they arrive - to get their meaty fix and then they accept what is on offer!

For the record I am a meat and fish and all the rest eater, I am not that keen on vegan food, but I would happily eat it to celebrate the special day with family or friends.

Josiebloggs · 21/09/2018 18:15

@Boglin That sounds amazing.
Can you have a vegan buffet instead of a sit down meal? Less waste and most people wouldn't even notice if a buffet was vegan.
If you do a sit down meal stick to vegan but have one really plain option like pasta or risotto as a safe option for the anti vegans and a couple of lovely tasty vegan options.

Italiangreyhound · 21/09/2018 18:15

Oh but nuts are a big allergy though so definitely have a second option if you go with a nut roast!

PolkadotsAndMoonbeams · 21/09/2018 18:15

I wouldn't complain about vegan food (I'm pretty sure I'd look forward to seeing what was on the menu), but I would moan about a vegan buffet I'm afraid.

I'm at a wedding, in a nice dress, having fun catching up with friends or chatting to people I've just met. I don't want to stand in a queue and then have to decide what I want and how much and risk spilling something down myself while putting it out!

What's wrong with silver service?!

Italiangreyhound · 21/09/2018 18:16

I agree with Josiebloggs vegan buffet. I had a middle eastern meal recently with stuffed vine leaves, pitta bread and dips, I expect all that could be vegan. Lovely.

SuburbanRhonda · 21/09/2018 18:16

@abacucat

Loving the way you’re trying to say vegan meals are non-vegan meals but saying you have to have butter with them! You know you can buy vegan spreads that a lot of vegans and non-vegans alike use in place of butter?

abacucat · 21/09/2018 18:16

Dips are a nightmare as part of a large buffet. Kids will stick their fingers in.

SuburbanRhonda · 21/09/2018 18:18

I can imagine lots of people sneaking off to fast food places, with comments of I'm not eating that muck.I saw this at a 40th party once.

What makes you think the OP has friends and family who are that ill-mannered? And if she does, surely the wedding would be all the better without them?

abacucat · 21/09/2018 18:18

I have been vegan but will not eat vegan spreads stuffed full of artificial stuff.

abacucat · 21/09/2018 18:19

And my point is that there are substitutes, but it is not true to say that everyone eats vegan meals.

JustDanceAddict · 21/09/2018 18:19

Just do the vegan menu. If it’s a good caterer people will just enjoy the food.

LaurieMarlow · 21/09/2018 18:20

I'm an enthusiastic meat eater and I think you should just serve a vegan menu.

Of course people can eat vegan for a day (if they're incapable of this, then you probably don't want them there.)

It's your wedding and should reflect your preferences.

KisstheTeapot14 · 21/09/2018 18:20

Serve them vegan without making a big deal of it, and make sure its great quality and tasty food. Bet some guests will be pleasantly surprised! Its your wedding OP, do what feels right for you and don't get too stressed. Enjoy your day when it arrives, and the run up x