Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To only pay for vegan food at my wedding?

999 replies

ClaraBanana7 · 21/09/2018 14:52

Haven't set a date yet, but it'll be in around 2 years so it's not right around the corner or anything, but DP and I are both vegans. Neither of us have a problem with other people eating animal products, I don't think I've ever even brought up veganism unless I'm at a restaurant and need to order because I really hate confrontation and I've seen/heard so many cruel and horrible things being said to vegans. That said, we don't want to pay for the guests to be served animal products at our wedding.
Some of my friends think it's unfair and that restaurants etc are pandering to the vegan 'fad' (even though I've been vegan all my life) so I should cater to everyone's dietary requirements. I told them I was considering putting a meat option on the catering form, but that whoever picked it would have to pay for it themselves as I really don't want to give my own money towards that industry. But, my friends also think it's unfair that some people have to pay and others don't.
DP doesn't want to have an animal product option at all, and tbh I would also prefer this, but I want a way of not isolating people who can't go a meal without eating animal products.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
ChocolateWombat · 21/09/2018 17:47

As long as you offer plenty of tasty food, which most people will enjoy, a vegan menu is fine. It might not be what people would choose from a full scale menu offering meat and veggie and vegan options, but a wedding is a not a restaurant, and there is no reason why every cannot enjoy the meal. It is absolutely not true that even the most ardent meat lover NEEDS meat at every meal.

I would serve the meal up cheerfully and be careful not to make a big thing of it being vegan.....this isn't the time or place to push an agenda or suggest criticism of meat.......let the menu speak for itself.

Serve the same for all and pay for all......offering different options and especially charging some and not others is divisive and never going to be popular.

What you are suggesting is similar to the sentiment behind dry or alcohol free weddings. Some teetotallers are happy to provide and pay for alcohol for the drinkers. But some aren't. Less usual menus or drink offerings might not be people's ideal choice, but they are perfectly acceptable, if that's what you want to offer, and people are there for the company and to see you married. Your job is to offer great hospitality (which can take a number of forms) and the guests job is to receive it and enjoy it.....not to nitpick and criticise. No-one has to starve, hate the food or have a horrible time because meat isn't served. If the wedding is used however to criticise meat eating or push an agenda, people might well have a horrible time.

Original poster
ClaraBanana7 · 21/09/2018 17:49

@Poloshot That would still have been okay, I won't starve by not eating during a wedding. Could always have some water or orange juice or something, I tend to keep chewy bars in my purse too just in case.

OP posts:
notdaddycool · 21/09/2018 17:50

I eat loads of meat, I have lots of vegan colleagues and occasionally we all go out to a vegan place for lunch, it's perfectly good food, I wouldn't want it every day, but it's one meal, you're paying for it. If they are your friends they'll have no problem doing it once, should be cheaper for you too. I'd probably have proper milk for coffee etc, but that's not the end of the world either.

abacucat · 21/09/2018 17:50

Actually I suspect the only major issue will be with older non alcohol drinking guests who will expect tea, coffee and milk. It is hard often if you don't drink alcohol to find decent things to drink anyway, so not being able to have tea or coffee will limit them even more.

Poloshot · 21/09/2018 17:52

Fair play 👍

sickmumma · 21/09/2018 17:52

Honestly for a wedding we would eat vegan for one meal! I eat meat myself but have vegan friends and there are some lovely dishes out there that even fussy eaters would like so I would be inclined to go with DH and serve vegan only with no meat option!

Greysgirl · 21/09/2018 17:53

Serve whatever good you enjoy, it’s your wedding! I served Greek good because I love it. I catered for allergies but not preferences. It’s your wedding so have all your favourite stuff and anyone who can’t last one meal without meat it’s a idiot. I say that as a meat lover too, I’d be perfectly happy eating whatever I was served at a wedding.

spaghettiforhair · 21/09/2018 17:54

Serve a vegan menu, it's one meal, they are there to celebrate your day not just get fed.

I'm a meat eater and incredibly fussy. When I am invited to a wedding I pick the best choice from what is given to me and go with it. If I don't particularly like it then my other half has it and there's no fuss, it's one day not gonna starve from not eating one meal.

skinnysituation · 21/09/2018 17:54

I'm shocked by those suggesting a vegan menu means they'd decline the invite;

  1. It's a free meal
  1. Even if you eat a shit-ton of meat and dairy, at least 60% of your food intake is plant based...? Unless you're just chomping down on a steak for every meal.
  1. An omni diet isn't a 'dietary requirement'
  1. Veganism is a way of life, a belief system - it's not just a 'diet.' Some religions don't permit certain meats for instance, if you were to attend a wedding of that nature, you wouldn't expect them to cater to you because you don't have the same belief?
  1. It's one freaking meal and you clearly don't deserve to celebrate the happy couples day if you're that petty.
  1. I went to a wedding once where there was no food. Not even cake. NONE.

OP, just do vegan food, and if people don't want to come, fuck them - more cake for you.

(From a lactose intolerant omnivore)

GuntyMcGee · 21/09/2018 17:54

I've been to a wedding where food was vegan only. No one made a fuss over it, the food was delicious and I personally didn't miss not having meat to eat.

I can't see why the food issue was even discussed. No wedding I've been to has made a fuss over it, just mentioned in the invite to specify whether individuals had any allergies that needed catering for.

I think YABU to expect people to pay to eat meat but equally your guests ABU to make a fuss over your menu choices.

Don't bring it up, don't talk about it and serve whatever the hell you like at your wedding. If anyone asks, say the menu hadn't been decided yet.

MaisyPops · 21/09/2018 17:56

I eat baked beans. It's not a dietary requirement that every meal I have in life must contain baked beans.

Have a vegan menu And that's it.

YABU to be talking to friends about them paying for their meal at a wedding 2 years in the future.

Swizzlegiggle · 21/09/2018 17:56

Have a vegan only menu. I'm sure meat eaters can survive for one meal. I really don't think it's a big deal and your friends are rude to try and pressure you into including a meat option.

magpie24 · 21/09/2018 17:57

I think just go with a vegan option only, and people will have to deal with it. I personally would relish the opportunity to try something hopefully new

Debfronut · 21/09/2018 17:58

I would be concerned at the waste of food. I went to a vegan wedding most of the meals were thrown away and the guests went in relays during the evening to the local chip shop. It was sad so much food was paid for and wasted. Perhaps a buffet with various options or like another wedding I attended did no food but had vans in the grounds selling different foods?

Boglin · 21/09/2018 17:58

Committed meat eater here and I would be delighted to go to a vegan wedding, especially if it was a buffet. I'm imagining potato salad with a vinaigrette dressing, tabbouleh, couscous with roasted veg and pomegranate seeds, falafel, salads, flatbreads, hummus, baba ghanoush etc. Yum, I'm hungry now! My DH would pull his face but he would be told to suck it up!

PurpleDaisies · 21/09/2018 17:59

Poloshot would you not provide a friend with a vegan meal if they wanted one at your wedding?

BrownPaperTeddy · 21/09/2018 18:00

@SinkGirl

I understand your allergy issues. I don't think that I could eat a vegetarian/vegan meal.

For one thing I can't eat legumes - so beans/pulses/garlic/onions - carbs - so no rice, pasta,potatoes or any veg grown below ground.

I always take my own food.

PipeTheFuckDown · 21/09/2018 18:00

The best wedding meal I ever had was a vegan one.

I don’t care what I’m fed at a wedding as long as I’m FED because I hate being starving at weddings Angry

SuburbanRhonda · 21/09/2018 18:01

For all those saying 'Just serve vegan food' - I assume you would be happy then for a meat-eating couple to 'just serve a meat based meal' making no allowance for others who may be vegetarian or vegan.

The number of times in 30 years of being vegetarian when that has happened would probably boggle your mind, silvery.

The last time was on a business class flight back from NY, where the cabin crew didn’t understand that not all cheese is suitable for vegetarians, so have me a tomato pasta dish with Parmesan baked into a hard crust on the top, which made it inedible for me. I did get a bowl of blackberries instead though Hmm

hibbledibble · 21/09/2018 18:01

Just serve vegan food.

I had an entirely vegetarian wedding.

Are you having a religious wedding? Any chance of using this as an excuse if people are rude enough to comment on your food choices

Twillow · 21/09/2018 18:02

Just have vegan! Brilliant! (I'm not a vegan but I'd definitely come.)
Your wedding your rules.
Free food don't complain!

DukeOfSussex · 21/09/2018 18:02

For all those saying 'Just serve vegan food' - I assume you would be happy then for a meat-eating couple to 'just serve a meat based meal' making no allowance for others who may be vegetarian or vegan.

logic not your strong point I see. Meat eaters voluntarily eat vegan all the time. Vegans, don't eat meat.

MrsMelonBall · 21/09/2018 18:03

What do you do when you go to everyone else's Wedding? Do they provide an option for you?

flumpybear · 21/09/2018 18:03

If it were me I'd be thinking about people's dietary preferences. A lot of people like meat so I'd put on something, perhaps one choice for the meat eaters, as I'd would always do the same
For vegetarian or vegan friends

For the vegan menu I may use it as an opportunity perhaps to show people how nice the choices can be

I wouldn't see a celebration with my friends a time to invite issues or derogatory comments which of course you'll get - just perhaps open yourselves up to your friends wants as they often do for you - be a friend to a friend and ensure they enjoy your special day

myrtleWilson · 21/09/2018 18:05

Ah MrsMelonBall do you know that point hasn't come up in nearly 500 messages Hmm