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AIBU?

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Original poster

To only pay for vegan food at my wedding?

999 replies

ClaraBanana7 · 21/09/2018 14:52

Haven't set a date yet, but it'll be in around 2 years so it's not right around the corner or anything, but DP and I are both vegans. Neither of us have a problem with other people eating animal products, I don't think I've ever even brought up veganism unless I'm at a restaurant and need to order because I really hate confrontation and I've seen/heard so many cruel and horrible things being said to vegans. That said, we don't want to pay for the guests to be served animal products at our wedding.
Some of my friends think it's unfair and that restaurants etc are pandering to the vegan 'fad' (even though I've been vegan all my life) so I should cater to everyone's dietary requirements. I told them I was considering putting a meat option on the catering form, but that whoever picked it would have to pay for it themselves as I really don't want to give my own money towards that industry. But, my friends also think it's unfair that some people have to pay and others don't.
DP doesn't want to have an animal product option at all, and tbh I would also prefer this, but I want a way of not isolating people who can't go a meal without eating animal products.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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Poloshot · 21/09/2018 17:35

Would you expect a vegan option if you went to someone's wedding?

CarlGrimesMissingEye · 21/09/2018 17:35

I'm a meat eater. Love it. But if a friend or family member who was vegan was getting married I'd expect it to be a vegan wedding and I would have no issue with that. If people want to take the that's there business.

PurpleDaisies · 21/09/2018 17:36

Would you expect a vegan option if you went to someone's wedding?

Totally irrelevant for reasons that have been given hundreds of times...

CloudCaptain · 21/09/2018 17:37

I had complaints about the lovely food provided at my wedding on the actually day. First thing my aunt said to me on my wedding day. Angry Sil and Mil also only eats poultry but weren't rude enough to mention it.
Whatever you serve isn't going to suit everyone so do as you wish and serve vegan only, perhaps put it on the invite so you they can decline or bring a pack-up if they wish. (then you would know who you're real friends are).

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/09/2018 17:37

I would just offer vegan food as you say. If you are asked again, perhaps try to side step the issue by saying you’re catering for a wide range of tastes or something. Personally I think your friends are being incredibly rude. It is one thing to have a private moan. Quite another to try to blackmail you.

twiglet · 21/09/2018 17:37

We had a pescatarian wedding meal it was only a choice of seafood paella or vegan paella as I'm gluten free and don't eat meat but eat fish.
I didn't want to have to have the special meal on our wedding day. We only had 1 person who wouldn't eat it which was my DB.
Everyone loved it we still get comments 4 years on and had a few friends select the same.

PatriciaHolm · 21/09/2018 17:38

She really won’t half of the stuff won’t get eaten as the guests won’t be familiar with it and the children won’t go near it

Gosh, what godforsaken island have these poor unfortunates been living on where there are no vegetables, fruits, potatoes, rice, pasta, beans, noodles, nuts, bread...

Alaaya · 21/09/2018 17:38

It's odd how very prickly people get at vegans. I would very much hope most of these people wouldn't boycott a Muslim wedding because of the halal food, or demand that a Jewish friend provide them with non-kosher food.

Vegan is very much the same. It's food that reflects a sincerely held belief. Surely the OP should be allowed those beliefs on her own wedding day.

Turquoise123 · 21/09/2018 17:39

Just do the vegan. I don't think anyone would expect anything else and other than the bride no one cares about food at weddings as long as there is something at the right time

nellieellie · 21/09/2018 17:39

Oh for good ness sake! Vegan food isn’t just for vegans! You can get some really amazing vegan catering - I used a restaurant from Brighton once for a party. All vegan food. Everyone was so impressed, asking who had cooked it and getting their number off me. it was just gorgeous. If you are vegan and your partner is vegan of course you don’t want to buy meat. If I were you, have a vegan wedding - just don’t tell people. They won’t notice. It’s not as if you’ll be having lentils and soya sausages.

abacucat · 21/09/2018 17:39

It isn't just not serving meat.
What kind of vegan food would people recommend for a wedding?

butterybean · 21/09/2018 17:39

@1981fishgut

Mmmmm.....oat milk hot chocolate....super delicious and really kid friendly. You just have to hear the milk. Also no animal suffering. Sounds good to me.

But honestly, it's one day. Skip the brews and have another gin if vegan milk upsets you so much....

BrownPaperTeddy · 21/09/2018 17:39

It's quite obvious. People who eat meat do not eat ONLY meat. So not serving meat is not forcing them to compromise their beliefs like not serving a vegan option would be.

So it would be ok to serve vegetarians the same meal as the meat eating guests but just without the meat?

As someone who is on a strict hospital imposed diet - no carbs, no dairy, no gluten, no soya - my food choices are very limited so I usually take my own food with me because my diet is basically meat and vegetables grown above ground. I do get annoyed though when I have to cater for all other diets and then some but I have to take my own salad with me.

The vegan options all sound very carb heavy with soya based protein thrown in for good measure and I guess some people won't like it.

If you are ok with that then go with it.

Igorina · 21/09/2018 17:40

I would really admire you for sticking to your beliefs.

Have a mountain of chips for the moaners.

Make sure the caterers know to keep it stacked high until the buffet is over.

Original poster
ClaraBanana7 · 21/09/2018 17:41

@1981fishgut have you tried Cadbury's dairy milk drinking chocolate? Or 80% of the hot chocolate at Wittard Chelsea? Or are you just trying to spout things to justify your own close mindedness?

@Poloshot since I was a vegan back before vegetarianism was a wide spread thing, no I wouldn't. I can usually find something to eat wherever I go.

OP posts:
CookPassBabtridge · 21/09/2018 17:42

Go all vegan, it's only one meal! Everyone will survive. Just making it filling Grin

CookPassBabtridge · 21/09/2018 17:42

make*

HesterMacaulay · 21/09/2018 17:42

We had to endure stuffed dates and all sorts couldn’t even have a decking cup of tea
1981fishgut you seem to have an extraordinary low tolerance level of anything other than things exactly the way you like them.
How often much time did you spend with bil and his girlfriend for it to have been such a problem for you?
Where and when were you not able to have milk in your tea?
Did she ban milk when she visited you? Did she force bil to be vegan too?
You honestly sound unhinged to be so stressed by veganism.

myrtleWilson · 21/09/2018 17:42

OP - I think you can put 1981fishgut down as a 'maybe' for attending Wink

have a wonderful wedding and am sure your guests will enjoy a fabulous feast.

Original poster
ClaraBanana7 · 21/09/2018 17:45

@myrtleWilson Thank you!!!! Hopefully they will. I'm trying to write them out an invitation right now lol, can't figure out the most polite way to write To 1981fishgut on an invitation though.

OP posts:
FullOfJellyBeans · 21/09/2018 17:45

So it would be ok to serve vegetarians the same meal as the meat eating guests but just without the meat?

No of course not because they'd be eft with only half the meal and no protein.

I do get annoyed though when I have to cater for all other diets and then some but I have to take my own salad with me.

That's hardly relevant here though - you're problem is that your diet is sufficiently unusual that caterers don't supply an option for it.

OP is providing food which presumably almost all of her guests can eat. It's very unlikely that any of her guests are on the same restrictive diet as you but OP hasn't said she will refuse to cater for them if there are.

HesterMacaulay · 21/09/2018 17:45

Oh and 1981fishgut please use the wotd fucking if that is what you mean.

rednsparkley · 21/09/2018 17:46

Have a 100% vegan meal. I would find it bizarre to go to the wedding of a couple who I know are vegan (and if I don't know then why the fuck am I at their wedding as I clearly don't know them) and be served meat.

I am a meat eater but I love trying all sorts of things. As long as the food is good and there's plenty of it then I am happy.

Poloshot · 21/09/2018 17:46

You'd have found nothing at our wedding that was vegan to eat

Dacresmallwilly · 21/09/2018 17:47

Serve a vegan food. It's one meal and if people don't come because they don't like the menu choice then they are not really your friends.