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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To only pay for vegan food at my wedding?

999 replies

ClaraBanana7 · 21/09/2018 14:52

Haven't set a date yet, but it'll be in around 2 years so it's not right around the corner or anything, but DP and I are both vegans. Neither of us have a problem with other people eating animal products, I don't think I've ever even brought up veganism unless I'm at a restaurant and need to order because I really hate confrontation and I've seen/heard so many cruel and horrible things being said to vegans. That said, we don't want to pay for the guests to be served animal products at our wedding.
Some of my friends think it's unfair and that restaurants etc are pandering to the vegan 'fad' (even though I've been vegan all my life) so I should cater to everyone's dietary requirements. I told them I was considering putting a meat option on the catering form, but that whoever picked it would have to pay for it themselves as I really don't want to give my own money towards that industry. But, my friends also think it's unfair that some people have to pay and others don't.
DP doesn't want to have an animal product option at all, and tbh I would also prefer this, but I want a way of not isolating people who can't go a meal without eating animal products.

OP posts:
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LeftRightCentre · 21/09/2018 16:24

You mak think being vegan is awsome but for most meat eaters to know your going to spend the day somewhere spend out loads of money and not get a decent feed will mean most will not be looking forward to your wedding eggless cakes taste dreadful and to not even be able to get a cup of tea in the evening with milk will be grim

Don't go then Hmm. Personally, I'm not a cow, I don't need a 'decent feed' much less have to have meat with every meal. I'm a meat eater but I can't eat dairy and manage to eat a number of vegan meals that are filling and delicious.

killingtime9198 · 21/09/2018 16:25

I am honestly so surprised previous posters are saying people won't come to your wedding if you serve a vegan menu! How ridiculous.

I went to a wedding recently with an entirely vegan menu and it was delicious. It didn't even cross my mind to feel annoyed by this in any way. Presumably lots of your wedding guests will be people you have had round for meals at your house and served a vegan menu - I would be very surprised if people refused a dinner invitation (or a wedding) because they knew vegan food would be served!

I say serve a vegan menu and enjoy your wedding day. Congratulations on your engagement.

Original poster
ClaraBanana7 · 21/09/2018 16:26

@TheOneWith I mean... if you want the whole transcript of the long story of how we got from a to b then you can have it, but I don't think that's necessary.
It wasn't a quick conversation, it went from omg you're engaged, when's the wedding, have you thought about a cake I like this kind, the chicken at x's wedding was so dry, I loved the duck at y's wedding and all the other little things people talk about with weddings, and eventually I said, I'm actually thinking of having it vegan.

OP posts:
RavenLG · 21/09/2018 16:27

Vegan menu. I’m a meat eater and I’d not have a problem with it.

Your guests will be fed, no one needs to eat meat at every single meal.

Youshallnotpass · 21/09/2018 16:27

You mak think being vegan is awsome but for most meat eaters to know your going to spend the day somewhere spend out loads of money and not get a decent feed will mean most will not be looking forward to your wedding eggless cakes taste dreadful and to not even be able to get a cup of tea in the evening with milk will be grim

Wow...

LydiaLunch7 · 21/09/2018 16:27

I am honestly so surprised previous posters are saying people won't come to your wedding if you serve a vegan menu! How ridiculous.

Thankfully they have been a very small minority. Most people are clearly not that fussy/narrow-minded.

lynsey91 · 21/09/2018 16:27

Sinkgirl, another poster who needs to read up on what meals are vegan. Look at the wedding menus posted

pinkhorse · 21/09/2018 16:27

What would you do about tea and coffee? Only dairy milk really works for these.

SleepingStandingUp · 21/09/2018 16:29

isolating people who can't go a meal without eating animal products
Sorry what is the condition where its necessary to have meat at EVERY meal?

You're vegan, your wedding meals should be vegan. Anyone who won't come for the lack of cow or pig clearly doesn't care that much about you.

M mmmm vegan chocolate cake

PatchworkGirl · 21/09/2018 16:29

It sunds like a great opportunity for your guest to try some really good vegan food - lots of people have preconceptions about meatless diets (those who think they won't get a 'good feed' without meat Hmm) so showcasing this would be great, I think. Of course, cater for guests with specific dietary needs, but other than that do it your way.

I'd love it, as a guest!

LeftRightCentre · 21/09/2018 16:30

What would you do about tea and coffee? Only dairy milk really works for these.

Tosh! I am unable to drink dairy milk and am a coffee drinker. The dairy free Coffee Mate works fine in it.

Curious2468 · 21/09/2018 16:30

I’m a meat eater but would expect a wedding to be in line with my friends general ethos so would be surprised to be offered meat. I say go for a vegan menu and don’t even offer meat options

lynsey91 · 21/09/2018 16:30

Pinkhorse, oat milk is fine in tea and coffee. I stopped using cow's milk because it upset my stomach. Fussy DH has also changed to oat milk because he likes it

RibbonAurora · 21/09/2018 16:30

They can offer soy milk or other non-dairy creamers of which there are loads these days. Most people can't tell the difference when it's just a splash added to tea or coffee and if they can they tend to get over it when there's no other option.

Alicatz66 · 21/09/2018 16:30

I eat meat but I'd happily eat vegan wedding food .. I like all food ! Just have 100% vegan menu .. it's a bit off asking people to pay ..

Original poster
ClaraBanana7 · 21/09/2018 16:31

@SinkGirl My brother has similar allergies to you and I'm allergic to pine nuts, so I'm definitely going to make sure I know everyone's dietary requirements beforehand. I'm not great with large social gatherings so it's going to be a small wedding with just close friends and family and their plus ones, so I'm pretty confident of everyone's allergies but I'll ask beforehand anyway.

OP posts:
lexer · 21/09/2018 16:31

Definitely just a vegan menu (and I'm not a vegan). Those people that say they wouldn't eat vegan food are pathetic. For goodness sake; get a grip.

MrMeSeeks · 21/09/2018 16:31

Id eat a veggie meal ( with limits) but if it was simply vegan id decline the food and leave early to get food!

golddustwomen · 21/09/2018 16:32

You and your htb are vegan, only pay for a vegan menu, simple! I sometimes order vegan when out, the food is good!!! Sod any one that moans, it's you day ffs!

CaptainHammer · 21/09/2018 16:33

I was about to type basically the same thing Killingtime9198.
DH and I are big meat eaters but my best friend is vegan. Her wedding next year will only have vegan food. We’re still going! She makes me some of the tastiest meals when I have dinner at hers so I am looking forward to it.
I’m glad you’ve chosen to go for the vegan buffet OP. Your friends/family can just have a bacon sandwich in the morning or something if they have to, no one is going to starve because they can’t have meat for a few hours 🙄

SeaGlassHunter · 21/09/2018 16:33

I'm really wondering what kind of vegan food some people on this thread have eaten...?

Vegan food is filling and can be just as tasty as any other food. It boils down to how well it is cooked, and I would imagine that a vegan caterer would be pretty adept at using flavours and spices to bring out the best in the food.

Glad to see you have decided to just provide the vegan option.

Mitzimaybe · 21/09/2018 16:33

Another (meat eater) saying just have a vegan menu. Do not under any circumstances offer a meat option if people pay for it themselves. Don't make a big thing of it and hopefully most people won't even notice. Some good suggestions upthread.

Allbarone · 21/09/2018 16:34

I don't understand the importance people put on food at weddings. A wedding is a celebration of a marriage, a day to spend with loved ones and friends to show support etc. What you have to eat during that time isn't the be all and end all. Christ. I know some people couldn't for medical reasons (diabetics and what not) but I'd happily spend 5-6 hours at a wedding even if there was no food at all. Because most people won't die just from not eating for one bloody afternoon. So to me - any food served at all is a bonus.

Serve your vegan menu, enjoy your wedding with your friends and family. Anyone who is bizarre enough to refuse on the grounds that you aren't serving animal products was never worth your time in the first place.

And I say all of this as a meat eater and a food lover.

LegoandiPads · 21/09/2018 16:35

When my vegan friends got married it didn’t occur to me they’d serve animal products. Lovely wedding, lovely food.

Anyone who has a problem with it is a muppet.

Jeippinghmip · 21/09/2018 16:35

Honestly, such ignorance is astounding! People bleating about going hungry and not getting decent food. Some folks really need to broaden their horizons.

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