To only pay for vegan food at my wedding?

[ClaraBanana7]

Haven't set a date yet, but it'll be in around 2 years so it's not right around the corner or anything, but DP and I are both vegans. Neither of us have a problem with other people eating animal products, I don't think I've ever even brought up veganism unless I'm at a restaurant and need to order because I really hate confrontation and I've seen/heard so many cruel and horrible things being said to vegans. That said, we don't want to pay for the guests to be served animal products at our wedding.
Some of my friends think it's unfair and that restaurants etc are pandering to the vegan 'fad' (even though I've been vegan all my life) so I should cater to everyone's dietary requirements. I told them I was considering putting a meat option on the catering form, but that whoever picked it would have to pay for it themselves as I really don't want to give my own money towards that industry. But, my friends also think it's unfair that some people have to pay and others don't.
DP doesn't want to have an animal product option at all, and tbh I would also prefer this, but I want a way of not isolating people who can't go a meal without eating animal products.

I am a meat eater and would be delighted to be offered vegan food at a wedding or anywhere else. (Even though I don't like vegetables very much). If I didn't like it and was still hungry I would slip out for a burger or something. I think it's a mistake to use your wedding as an opportunity to make a point though, surely you want people to have a good time and remember your special day for all the right reasons. As a pp said you haven't even set the date and you are already making a thing out of this. Just have a vegan menu with as much variety as possible to try to cater for all tastes.

Honestly, as a vegetarian who served a bit of meat at our wedding, only to have it all left over & all of the vegetarian stuff eaten. I really would do what you want to do & go fully vegan menu. It might depend on your friends though.

If they are that fussed about eating meat, just make sure there is something they can buy nearby, as we've had to do at a few weddings when there was no vegetarian options

Sinkgirl, another poster who needs to read up on what meals are vegan. Look at the wedding menus posted

I did, thanks. There’s hardly anything on the list that I could eat, and that’s without knowing the ingredients of some of the dairy substitutes and things like “vegan sausages” which frankly could contain any number of things I couldn’t eat. The usual culprits of things that crop up that I can’t eat appear in many of those options: coconut, walnuts, mushrooms, pine nuts, chickpeas, etc.

I think you’re someone who needs to read up on how challenging this sort of allergy can be.

OP that’s good, hopefully you can still have a lovely menu that accommodates everyone. If it were similar to the menu someone posted I sadly wouldn’t be able to eat from a buffet as there’s just too many allergens on that table! I realise this is my problem and not the host’s though, so I’m well versed in attending events and not being able to eat 😂

Lydia well if I'm not the only one to say it then it clearly isn't an uncommon thought and just because people don't agree, it doesn't make it stupid.

Asking people to pay for meat dishes is bonkers, either go vegan completely or don't. Clearly some people will feel that they have not been catered to in exactly the same way as a vegan or vegetarian would if those options were not offered. I know that they could choose to have the rest of the meal without the meat but that's not the same as having a proper vegetarian/vegan option. Eating meat is not a dietery requirement it's a choice which for most vegans and vegetarians is also true. The meal is only part of a wedding so it wouldn't bother me at all and I'd be happy to try anything. However I have DC that that struggled with vegetables and having food mixed together so if they were attending it would have felt awkward as they wouldn't have wanted to eat anything. I think it's easier to offer a "plainer" dish that caters to more tastes and I would find that harder with just a vegan option I think.

I think if you were doing just vegan, my advice would be to have something that is broadly familiar to people even if it has no meat like a pasta but that might not be fancy enough for a wedding.

I was lucky in that my brother's restaurant did the catering for our wedding so we had a full menu (5 starters, 7 mains and 5 desserts plus a children's menu if wanted) but appreciate that the norm is usually a choice of two for each course.

people will talk about how hungry they were and how awful the food was

Don't some people do this at every wedding. You can't please everyone with your menu choices whatever they so happen to be.

What on earth are people eating that they can even afford to have meat with literally every single meal? It kind of grosses me out when I think about their arteries too.

(For reference I am a meat eater but I try and eat good quality slow grown meat from animals that have been treated well for the majority of their lives at least)

Oh, god, people are so twatty.

If you get invited to a Hindu wedding, the chances are the food will be vegan. And fabulous. Would people refuse to go because the food isn't meat based?

I might not choose to go to a vegan restaurant, but to be invited, by a vegan couple, to be hosted by them, at their wedding, why on earth would I expect to be served meat? Would I go to a Jewish wedding and expect to be served pork?

Do it in summer, have a marquee and a fabulous buffet: salads, veg tarte tatin, polenta and roast veg stacks, puffed pastry patties and tartlets with mushrooms, etc.

Don't use 'substitutes' that taste horrible to a non-vegan, e.g stuff made with vegan 'cheese'.

Serve some gorgeous puddings and deserts.

Be free with the drink during the meal, even if you have a pay bar after.

Hardly anyone will notice.

And so what? To be INVITED to something and then moan about what the host provides is seriously ill mannered and not in the spirit.

Another question, does there need to be tea and coffee? I'm glad I started early now lol, I didn't know this was a thing at weddings.

Do it all vegan, it's your day. You don't even have to tell the guests in advance there won't be meat or veggie meals, just get really good caterers so that people are pleasantly surprised. I've heard of a couple of cases of all-vegan wedding receptions recently and they were all good (albeit from foodie friends), one case where the bride and groom weren't even veggie never mind vegan and the guests really were (pleasantly) surprised.

Id eat a veggie meal ( with limits) but if it was simply vegan id decline the food and leave early to get food!
Perhaps you should stay for the meal, it may widen your world!! Op isn't looking to serve grated carrot seven ways.

OP tell me there will be chocolate cake!!

If your conscience is so strong it doesn't allow you to pay for a non vegan meal it shouldn't allow you to enable one either by providing it as an option, the animals will die for your wedding its just you wont pay for it . If you provide a meat option for your guest you should pay.

Your goal as generous hosts is to provide a menu which all your guests will enjoy whether it is vegan or not. The problem you will have with a vegan only menu is, unless expertly chosen and executed, the tastes will be very different from the more popular/standard menu options more people enjoy and you might find guests (especially children) not liking, going home early hungry or having to find something else to eat in the venue. Not what you want your wedding to be remembered for.

For all those saying 'Just serve vegan food' - I assume you would be happy then for a meat-eating couple to 'just serve a meat based meal' making no allowance for others who may be vegetarian or vegan. If you wouldn't be happy with that, perhaps you could explain why not. I see no difference.

It’s already been explained SilverySurfer, you goady fucker. Do try read the thread if you can manage it.

Surely the difference between a meat eater refusing to provide vegan food and a vegan refusing to provide meat is that the vegan has some sort of moral objection to eating animal products? If I genuinely believed that the hosts of a wedding I’d been invited to had some sort of moral objection to vegetarianism or veganism then I would accept them refusing to provide a veggie choice (and still go to the wedding with a selection of snacks!) but I’m not sure it’s possible

I’m a vegan and I’ve always planned to just have vegan food at my hypothetical wedding. I don’t want to give my money to the industry and I know that everyone who I would want to invite to my wedding is accepting of my views. Anyone who refused to come because they’re being deprived of meat for two meals wouldn’t be a loss to me personally!

Just seen your update about a small wedding, close friends - definitely go vegan then. This was our wedding & as above, our efforts to feed the meat eaters were wasted

What on earth are people eating that they can even afford to have meat with literally every single meal?

Personally I’d suspect it’s not the lack of meat, I reckon the majority of people eat at least a few dinners a week that don’t contain meat. But lack of dairy / eggs is more difficult for many people (certainly for me, as dairy substitutes are frequently made with things that I’m allergic to - which is tricky as my twins are allergic to dairy!)

I'm assuming everyone you're inviting knows you and/or your partner?
They also probably know you're vegan?

If they accept the invite and then kick off about the food, tell them to sod off.

Nobody would go to a Hindu wedding and expect beef, a Muslim wedding and expect alcohol, a Jewish wedding seeing a hog roast....
your beliefs are yours and on your day your guests should accept that.

Just serve vegan food op 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm pretty much carnivorous, and I'd say just offer a vegan menu.

Weddings are about seeing people that you love get married, not about eating, so if people turn down the invitation because of the food choice, you know exactly where you stand (and will save money!).

@BrokenWing I will just have to pick an expertly executed delicious array of vegan food and hope that people can find at least one thing to fill up on then

Either pay for all the food, including a meat option or only serve a vegan menu. It is completely unfair to discriminate against the meat eaters and make them pay for their own food- you'll piss a lot of people off.

For all those saying 'Just serve vegan food' - I assume you would be happy then for a meat-eating couple to 'just serve a meat based meal' making no allowance for others who may be vegetarian or vegan. If you wouldn't be happy with that, perhaps you could explain why not. I see no difference.
Only if you can explain your ideological reason to consume animals products at every meal.

Bloody hell Bridezilla! YABU. I made sure I catered for all my guests at my wedding. I am a meat eater but provided both vegetarian and vegan options for those who required them.

The v word always brings out really irritating responses on threads from posted who claim they couldn’t get through a day without meat.

I'm sure you could do a fabulous vegan menu. Stick with that and don't have a meat option at all. We're an entirely vegetarian household - both DH and I have been veggie since childhood - and it would never enter my head to offer meat to anyone! Most of our friends are veggie/vegan as well and we've had some absolutely incredible vegan meals at weddings and other celebrations. Do it well and nobody will even miss the meat.

Bloody hell Bridezilla! YABU. I made sure I catered for all my guests at my wedding. I am a meat eater but provided both vegetarian and vegan options for those who required them.

You know eat meat? That must be very hard...