Things you should never say in front of childless women

[Clothrabbit]

Just following on from another thread I started, what things have childless women on here had said to or in front of them, or read celebs spouting in public, that really hurt or upset them.

For me:

You don't know what real responsibility is until you have a child.
Having a child makes you less selfish.

I dont think anyone has been aggressive, i think empathy and compassion go a long long way and unfortunately some people in the world are lacking

It might not be about gaining people’s views (in your opinion) but people have given them. Not just me who has children but also others who do not have children.
Some people have said they do not care what people have said to them when childless (including me). Others are very angry about comments that people make.
It just depends on the type of person you are.

Maggie don’t know what your getting at. If you are trying to suggest that me and here here are same person then take it up with mumsnet because you are wrong.

user1494667160 99% of people on this thread have told you that you're the one being rude. Far far more people have agreed that you are the problem. The only people who haven't are a couple of posters who were equally as offensive and got called on it too.

This post wasn't about your experiences as a parent. As people have tried to say over and over, it was about childless women sharing comments that they found hurtful. Without meaning to sound rude and with due respect is there even any need for you to be here? are you a childless woman who has some examples of comments you've found hurtful like the OP asked?

Read the examples above regarding what you would and wouldn't say to someone with a disability and apply it to this situation. Of course it's rude.

I'm not even trying to be argumentative anymore but seriously why are you here? In the nicest possible way just let us have our conversation and space to discuss a situation we're going through which you don't understand.

But never mind you'll probably just tell me I'm being a bully again.

!If someone has a slightly different view then you jump at them."

No, if someone persists in coming on here and repeating the very phrases that childless people have said they find offensive I will call them on it.

If someone continues to prod and goad and then hits out at anyone who responds negatively to them I will call them on it.

If someone stubbornly ignores the vast, vast majority of posters who have said they find them rude, out of kilter with the thread and insensitive to others I will call them on it.

@user1494667160 if there was a notice posted inviting people with a disability to attend a meeting where they could share their experiences with others in the same boat, would you decide to rock up to that meeting? The meeting has an open door policy, so you would of course be within your rights to be there. But do you think it would be kind or helpful to come into that meeting and tell the disabled people in the room that they're wrong?

Could you imagine why the disabled people attending this meeting to share some very emotionally difficult experiences and feelings, might feel hurt?

I hadn’t kids at 38 and 41, so I get it.

For me it’s fine if people can own it, so hearing
“Having kids made me less selfish” &
“ I didn’t know what responsibility was till I had kids.”
Are fine, but putting that out there as a generic thing is patronising at best.

Peanuts I do understand. I was childless once. Just because I have children now it does not mean by comments are any less valid.

But User, as people have explained... There is difference between being childless and not having children yet.

You didn't have children once and now you do. That doesn't mean you were in the same boat as many people on this thread who know or think they may be facing the possibility of never having them.

I may have felt differently about this subject at 20 when I thought I just didn't have children 'yet' compared to now when I know I may not ever. There is a massive difference.

There's always one, isn't there? ;) Thanks for the first couple of pages of this conversation, sincerely, a child free woman whose club User has now left forever, yet still insists on being a member, a la the disabled people's meeting, very good, that.

@user1494667160

Have you experienced years of involuntary childlessness, longing to have a child but being unable to fulfil this dream?

Have you faced the very real likelihood of never ever having a child?

If not, then before you had your children you were childfree by choice

Not childless not by choice

Involuntary childlessness is a world away from not having yet had children

@user1494667160 you've been a very vocal contributor to this thread and been eager to reply to anyone who you disagree with

I'm sure everyone would be very keen to read your response to the questions about attending meetings for disabled people and telling them they're wrong and kicking off with them if they tell you that you're upsetting everyone

You keep saying you understand, but you don't User. Every single post you have made confirms that, and many, many posters have pointed out that you don't.

If people who are in a particular situation tell you that what you are saying in no way relates to how they are feeling, you should listen and learn, not argue and disagree.

Someone once asked my ( then) husband if he was firing blanks! Terribly hurtful as we'd been trying for ages, then it turned out he was 😐
Finally had IVF with donor sperm and I later gave birth to a baby girl.

anniegranny what an insensitive comment!! Congratulations in the end though :)

What am I reading now! The childless are comparing themselves to those with disabilities!! World's fail me, honestly!!!

Herehere roughly what I was going to say but is too long a message to write

No @Herehere66

We're trying to ask a question about empathy

No one is making a direct comparison

It's an analogy to ask a question about whether you would boast about something to someone who desperately wants the experience you're rubbing in their face, but could never have

Would you say to a homeless person how wonderful it is to have a large mansion? Do you think they might reasonably be upset at your telling them how wonderful it is and they can't possibly imagine what it's like

Can you understand analogy or are you really that goady obtuse?

User and Herehere are goady trolls and getting a kick out of this.

There are one or two people on this thread whose attitudes are really disgusting. And it really is only one or two, but they remain convinced that they're in the right, that everyone else is rude and aggressive towards them, and that there is nothing wrong with the tone and content of their posts. I too have been wondering if they are genuinely as obtuse as they sound, or if they just enjoy stirring things and winding people up, even people who are trying to explain and share a very difficult element of their lives. Their lack of empathy is absolutely astounding.

I find it fascinating that mothers would want to spend so much time on a thread for childless women, repeating hurtful comments over and over

Surely they have better things to do? We barren women obvs don't have children so we have oodles of time compared to mums

Strikes me as very strange for mothers to want to spend so much of their precious time arguing on a thread for childless women

Still, what would I know? Maybe slagging off childless women is part of knowing REAL LOVE.

Not that I'll ever get to find out, what with being barren and all

I’m childless through choice and very happy with that choice, but I could certainly do without the comments (mostly from men) saying I’m selfish and will regret it.

Herehere66 we aren't saying that. Its a comparison because people who suffer with infertility (or other fertility issues), like those with a disability, are part of a group of people whos circumstances are different to 'the norm' and you can't properly understand it until you've been through it yourself. Just because you can't physically see infertility with your eyes doesn't mean it isn't a medical condition.

Don't let them get to you Banana. I think those particular posters have proved for once and for all that it is not motherhood that gives you the qualities of selflessness, empathy and sensitivity towards other. They are qualities some people have and others don't. You have it in spades. I wish I could say the same for one or two of the mothers on here.